Understanding Females Needed

[DSHanson]

There are some things I just don't understand...

 

I'm 19, and have been dating a girl who's 16, almost 17. We've been together since my Senior year (her freshman year) in high school. All told it's been about 16 months or so that we've been together... when we first started dating it was a match made in heaven. She gave me everything that I could ever dream of and was the perfect girl for me. She told me that I was the perfect guy for her, too. About 6 months into it she professed her love for me.. I told her I couldn't say it back unless I meant it. She agreed, and was glad for it. I went off to college and it was definitely hard, but we made it through the first semester pretty good. We had a rough spot at the end of October where I just wanted to be along for a few weeks and I was stupid enough to tell her that I wanted a "break"... she cried and cried and I was even stupider because I put her through all of that. I couldn't live without her and we got back together - the next few months were good, mabye even great, and then around April everything started to go downhill... it was in April that I realized how deeply in love I was with her. I sat her down on a Saturday night, looked her in the eye, and told her I loved her. She didn't respond to me, and instead asked me if I would take her home... I was terrified. I thought she had lost interest in me... and it's gone down from there. She doesn't call me sweet names anymore, she never says "bye baby" - it's just "bye" now... she stopped sending me a card for every new month anniversary, and I realize now that I was an * * * for never doing those nice things to her... I took a job for this week working with my dad. Lindsey sent me a text Monday, yesterday, at around 3:30 saying that I couldn't ask any questions, just that she really really needed a break. There were things in her life that she had to get straightened out. I had a panic attack last night and cried for two hours or so... I don't know if I have ever been this upset over a girl... I don't think so. I just don't know what to do about this... I don't know how to act around her now, and she only tells me "do what you want to do... I can't make you act a certain way". She tells me that it's easier for her not to be in a relationship right now. She tells me it would be easier if I didn't call her baby right now. She told me that I understood it when I needed a break, now I need to understand it when she needs a break. I just need to find a girl out there that understands what is going on with us... I don't know if I'm looking for support, or comfort, or answers, I just know that I have to be able to understand this before I can deal with it. Thanks...

[redandblack]

The most you can do in this situation is tell her how you feel. You basically dumped her and broke her heart -- after all, you were her first love. But, oh yeah, you don't want males to respond.

[flower99]

Wow I'm sorry, this must be hard for you (hug)

Right now I think the most you can do though is wait, as much as it kills you. Make your feelings known & keep your arms open, wait till she figures out whatever it is she needs to. Just be understanding & patient, it's what she needs. Have faith! what's meant to be will be.

[CarnelianButterfly]

I tend to agree with her, you having previously needed a break should think back to how you felt when you asked for the time off. You telling her you love her could be very stressing for her at the time. Its a big deal to hear that and to say that to someone. She may just need to time to figure out how she feels about the relationship since you've moved it to a higher level. She is younger than you and may not be as ready to accept the seriousness of the commitment you made.

[Diva26]

Relationships are so confusing aren't they? It would be great if they came with a lifetime guarantee and an owners manual. Unfortunately,that is not the case. As much as we as girls think you guys are hard to figure out, we can be just as complex.It is possible your girlfriend is still hurting from when you said you wanted time alone (ten points for being upfront and honest by the way, instead of avoiding)and she doesn't know how to express herself. She may be scared to give you her heart again and thereforeeee she has put up that proverbial wall. You know the one.on the outside she plays it cool,amost cold to you, not showing her feelings,and giving the illusion that she could care less what you do.(why do we do this? Fear, insecurity,anger,etc.) But inside, she is screaming for reassurance.So continue to give it to her if she is what you want.It will take time to get back that trust, but if it is meant to be it will be.

Another possibility is that she could be attempting to make you feel the same way she felt when you asked for time away, her way of saying "This is how you made me feel, sux doesn't it! Don't do it again" Not everyone is good at expressing themselves. And from her point of view, she did that once already and got smacked in the face with it.

Sorry I'm so long winded. Anyway that's what I think could be going on,with her. I hope it helps you out. Just keep reassuring her that you do love her and how sorry you are.Baby steps buddy, baby steps.

 

Good Luck

[Dancerella]

Sounds to me like you could use some breathing space. Maybe a break is what you need, and it may not be the easiest thing in the world. Whats important is that you both need to have a clear mind to understand where you are coming from. If it will give you peace of mind, you should just come out and tell her, face to face, exactly how you feel, and exactly where you are coming from. Best of luck