Need some reassurances

[renaissancewoman101]

Right now I am unsure about things in my life. I feel like I am teetering on the edge about some personal issues in my life right now. I feel as though I am the stupidest person on this earth and that I seem to love to dig my own graves and lie in it. Yes, this is a personal rant about my inadequacies and what I see as grave character flaws about myself. I am self-destructive and I have trust issues with people. I am also very self-critical about myself and see nothing good about myself a lot of times.

 

I have been on this board for many months now and I have gotten good feedback from you on how to deal with my life and I have given good feedback to others about how to deal with life's issues.

 

I live for the opinions and thoughts of others. Those define how I feel, how I live, how I deal with life. I can feel so good about myself and someone gives me a criticism or I perceive some criticism or dislike from someone and it can destroy me.

 

What I am asking from you all in this community, is tell me what you think of me? I need to feel positive about myself right now for I feel very negative. Give me some positive feedback about myself for I see nothing positive about myself. Tell me what I need to improve on too.

 

Help me to feel loved and wanted by people, for I dont a lot of times. I cant lean on my parents for this for they would never understand and my best friend has his own problems right now, so I am turning here, a place I somewhat feel comfortable with.

[DN]

I have read a lot of your posts RW and it seems to me that basically you are a kind person and that means a lot.

 

You also seem to be becoming more self-aware and that is a good thing if it enables you to not only recognise things about you that need improvement but spurs you into doing something about them.

 

So what are you going to do about them?

[renaissancewoman101]

DN, right now I am seriously thinking about going back into therapy because I am not dealing really well with my life out here. It has been almost 5 months since I moved out here. I have a few friends out here but I feel very immobilized about stuff and my anxiety levels are sky high right now. I need to find some middle ground so I can live my life well, get a decent job, and be happy with myself.

 

I guess I just wanted to find out what people think about me. My state of being and my sense of self is very dependent on how people perceive me and think of me. I dont like myself very much and I perceive myself based on how others see me.

[itsallgrand]

Ren, from what I've read from you here, I see you as a sweetie who is very hard on herself.

 

I know you have the challenge of adapting to a new city and life, and that ain't easy.

 

Did therapy help before?

[renaissancewoman101]

Therapy helped me before. It has been a while since I sought therapy. I am starting to think that I also suffer from anxiety problems too. The last time I sought therapy was a few years ago when I was dealing with some issues with my best friend and stuff like that.

 

Right now, I am not completely sure what I want to do. I am mad at myself for not adjusting well to moving out here. I grew up in CA, specifically the LA area, so moving back out here is not something new. I just dont have a good support system out here.

[hosswhispra]

My state of being and my sense of self is very dependent on how people perceive me and think of me. I dont like myself very much and I perceive myself based on how others see me.

 

Self-perception can become one's own reality, RW. How we preceive ourselves is sometimes not the way others around us see or preceive us. In addition, as cliche as it sounds, we can sometimes be our own worst critics. Self-discovery is a good thing, by our own instrospection we can identify our strenghs and weaknesses.

 

What do I think of you?

I think that it's interesting how you participate in the renaissance faires...that to me is a unique interest. I am sure you meet tons of interesting people at those faires. There is one every summer near Tuxedo, NY. I never went to it.....but I may just check it out this summer.....see how far reaching your influence can be....

[Hope75]

RW,

 

When you first came to this forum shortly after your breakup, I was worried about your emotional well being. You seemed very lost in that relationship and unable to get through that tough spot in your life.

 

Since then, have noticed so much emotional growth and self insight from you- I really think you have come a long way. When I see the advice you have given others here, you come accross as very warm and caring, supportive and understanding, those are all wonderful qualities. As you are giving to others here, you seem less lost yourself and to have more purpose and insight. Those are all very positive moves.

 

I agree with others that you are very critical of yourself and that perhaps makes you your own worst enemy.

 

I also think that therapy would be a good move for you, especially since you say it did help you before.

[ElektraHere]

RW,

 

Do you ever feel you are trying to find quick fixes to your problems? Like moving out to Cali without any sort of plan? I too am guilty of that. I think "oh this will remedy my situation." The thing is we can't run from our problems they seem to seek us out and find us.

 

I get the impression that you are a very kind hearted woman and sometimes people take advantage of that quality you possess.I think therapy would be a great move for you. Perhaps they can help you realize things that need to change about yourself and things that you need to strengthen. I do believe that finding a job and increasing your social circle will be something very beneficial to your psyche and to lessening your anxiety.

 

Only you and you alone can make these changes. Not anyone here on this forum, your parents, or a therapist can change the things that are ultimately in your control.

[vesper]

Hi RW,

I have had to deal with similar issues, and I would recommend joining 'group therapy' to help with these insecurities. The things that you say like living for the opinion of others seems very very dangerous and not a very healthy way to live. You have to be happy with yourself and with the wonderful wealth of the resource 'within you' . Try it, it works wonders. It also gets you out in the world and in interaction with people, you have to communicate and watch other communicate and you learn a lot about yourself and what makes you, 'you'.

[Batya33]

I don't think it truly matters what people think of you particularly people on a message board who have never met you in person. I've suggested this before but it bears repeating - what about channeling all this energy you spend in self-analysis and do volunteer work where you interact with people- that will certainly improve the way you feel about yourself, and that is the key.

[teacup]

i think you are sincere and mean well and that's pretty important in a person. i like that because not everyone's real you know? i think you are too hard on yourself and much too critical of yourself. and i get the sense that some of the ppl that you have around you might not be all that nice or self-esteem boosting. i think you are going through hard times right now, but it will get better!

 

i hope you feel better!