To snoop or not to snoop

[muss]

There are a few posts about people who've snooped their partner's emails/sms to see if they're having an affair or not. I did it and I regret it. What do you think?

[DN]

I think you should not invade a partner's privacy unless you have other, very convincing, evidence of cheating. That does not include a so-called 'gut-feeling'.

[sara_0562]

I just made a post about snooping on my bf's internet history and finding thing i didn't want to. Although it would be easy to not know and would hurt a lot less. im glad i did snoop because i found things out that i think would have eventually come out later in the relationship. I do feel very guilty about it but he was the one doing things wrong and behind my back.

[locolady]

im really torn with this one.....basically i know its not the right thing to do and anytime ive done it, it has led to a horrible argument where i am made to look wrong, why cant i trust him etc BUT i always found something - which obviously made me continue to look. It drove me crazy - and once i thought there was something with a girl, any texts or emails i read from her would seem more significant. I desperately dont want to do this again in a new relationship but since i feel i always found something, i know i face an uphill battle and i hate it.

[Mysterious Gurl]

Why do people create e-mail accounts? I mean the purpose of a password is to keep out snoopers.

 

In some situations, I guess people leave their e-mail page open on the monitor for every Tom, * * * * and Harry to see.

 

I think snooping in to your bf/gf's e-mail account shows that you have a some kind of trust issue? Maybe not, I don't know, but why else would you want to look?

 

You know that they say though, curiosity kills the cat.

 

So why did you end up regretting it?

 

Miya xx

[CarnelianButterfly]

From all of the snooping and invasion of privacy I've seen reported on this site, I will never use text messages on my phone and I will never leave my email account open on my computer. Geesh, I can't believe the total disregard for person space. I can't stand snooping, I get ticked when people read stuff over my shoulder. There are some things that don't need to be shared.

[lorrie17]

curiosity killed the cat but satisfaction brought him back. my husband did not even have an e-mail account and he still found a way to break up our home. i try not to do anything i would not want to see written up in the newspaper for everyone to see. i don't always make it, but i really really try. that said, i do sometimes look in my 13 year olds journal and i did snoop in my little sisters and i was right she was snorting coke. we got her help. so i would have to say yes. i don't know why people would need a secret e-mail if they haven't already started down the road to keeping big secrets from their mate. i like to think that spouses are past having a secret life. my husband had one. and even without snooping, i knew, very early on. having no big secrets was the way we were taught to be with our partners way back when. i guess it is part of "love, honor, cherish. i think ever one gets love, and cherish(seems easy) but not to many people today understand honor. i would like to think that i have it. thanks for listening.

[Hope75]

There are a few posts about people who've snooped their partner's emails/sms to see if they're having an affair or not. I did it and I regret it. What do you think?

 

I don't think snooping is a good idea. It's a violation of the person's privacy. If you have reason to suspect that they are cheating, talk with them about it, and if you still don't trust them or your suspicions are confirmed, perhaps it's time to end the relationship.

 

I'm a big believer that if there is no trust, there is no relationship.

 

What did you find out with your snooping?

 

Did you get caught?

[itsallgrand]

I don't think snooping is ever a good idea. Not only does it violate the other person's sense of space and privacy (and trust), it also turns the snooper into a sneaky sort of person. And who wants that? It changes who you are.

 

If things are so bad, talking to your partner or leaving is a good option.

 

Like Hope said, without trust there is nothing.

 

It's hard enough trying to protect privacy nowadays without worrying about loved ones invading.

[doyathink]

Oh you took the words right outta my mouth.My husband and I had a shared email. I don't get it, if you are not hiding anything than why would it matter if they looked through your email? ( it wouldn't be too interesting to them unless there is something juicy).My husband can read all my emails he wants, I have nothing to hide. It's like a phone call to me, why leave the room to talk if you don't have anything to hide.

 

Some of you call it 'personal space', I find that my personal space is in the shower (sometimes ) the bathroom or something like that but email and phone records, etc need not be hidden unless you are doing something you shouldn't.

[itsallgrand]

I can understand being the sort of person who is open and sharing with emails, written records, space, telephone, etc.

 

However, I think it is incorrect to make the assumption that because a person enjoys privacy with some things (which you may not feel needs to be private for yourself), that they 'have something to hide'.

 

I know for myself, I do not like others on my email account, rummaging through my papers or work notes, or walking into my room without my permission. I would go crazy if the 'shower stall' was the only place that was off-bounds!! I am not hiding anything. It is simply my own 'sacred space' to do with as I choose. And I choose to keep it to myself.

 

It's interesting. It could be varying ways of relating to space and communicating through the differences that is sometimes a spark that leads to distrust!

[locolady]

I agree - i personally dont care who looks through my emails or phone - the only time i did mind was when i had something to hide. I appreciate that some people instinctively desire these things to be private but unfortunately in my (limited, granted) experience, these people usually are communicating with someone in a way that would upset their SO. My parents wouldnt even think of having separate email accounts, i guess things are a bit different now as when people get married they already have their own so its more of an issue. I felt awful when i snooped and am determined not to do it again in a new relationship but i think i am going to have huge trust issues since ive been badly let down. I was totally humiliated by my ex cheating and i didnt have any idea that he wasnt happy in our relationship (he says he was happy and it was a drunken mistake) if i hadnt read his phone, how would i have know about this? That is my dilemma - i would have been humiliated for even longer?

[doyathink]

My husband knows that he won't find any surprises if he looks at my email or phone records. I don't talk in 'private' because I have nothing to hide! I think everyone should have their privacy however, when you are married/living with someone you have chose to become a less private person. Your in a relationship, you 'share' most everything now.

 

If someone is trying to hide their phone, emails, etc, it could make your SO suspicious and thus, feeling the need to 'snoop'. If it's all out in the open most have no reason to question it because it isn't being hidden. Now, if the kids want to go 'snoop' through my night stand, they may get embarrassed!!

 

I totally agree everyone needs space and privacy, don't get me wrong and we all pick what we feel the need to keep private. To each his own.