Where do you draw the line?

[Arrowsmith]

I think we can all agree that having sex with someone, while you're in a committed relationship with someone else, is cheating;

 

and smiling at someone else, under the same circumstances, is not cheating.

 

What I'd like to know from you is where to draw the line. Is it OK to laugh at their jokes? To call them by name? To touch them on the arm when you talk to them? To make a sexual inuendo? To make a sexually explicit joke? Hug them with full body contact? Discuss your dissatisfaction with your current relationship? Kiss them?

 

If you feel like your relationship is going downhill is it OK to "toe the line" with someone else as long as you don't step over it?

 

If it's not OK, what's the point of the line anyway?

[sidehop]

I believe you're about to cross the line 'if you have to question it'.

[yeawutever]

It depends on how the SO would feel. If you feel the need to hide it and know it would upset or even hurt the him/her, then there're some issues that needs to be discuss.

[Entomon]

Anything that creeps into your conscience is already crossing the line and wrong.

[Arrowsmith]

Anything that creeps into your conscience is already crossing the line and wrong.

 

But don't you think that sometimes things that don't creep into people's conscience are still wrong? Different people have different consciences, but to me what's right and wrong shouldn't depend on this.

 

I believe you're about to cross the line 'if you have to question it'.

 

I totally agree with your post, but my question is "when have you crossed the line?". It's OK to be about to cross this line, and it's not OK to cross the line. That's what the line means. Are you saying that if you question your action you shouldn't do it? That sounds overly restrictive. I think you and Kaleidoscope are on the same page here though.

[Relationship Coach]

There is "physical cheating" and "emotional cheating" and if you have to stop and think about which category you may fall in to then yes, the line has been crossed. I guess a better way of defining cheating is to decide what would hurt you if you witnessed this behavior from your SO or found out about how your SO was conducting themselves when you were not around.

 

RC

[yeawutever]

Yup, you say it Coach. If you hide something from the SO which he/she would not be happy about, then it would be crossing the line.

[Entomon]

But don't you think that sometimes things that don't creep into people's conscience are still wrong? Different people have different consciences, but to me what's right and wrong shouldn't depend on this.

 

Well, if what is right and what is wrong in a relationship doesn't depend on your conscience then why are you asking questions? Do what you want to do disregarding your principles if it'll benefit you greatly. I say don't worry about the actions of others, just be able and ready to take responsibility for your own if you do cross that line.

[orgasmictofu]

My line is WANTING to have something with someone else. For example, mindless flirting, smiling, looking, is not cheating TO ME. As soon as an SO actually wants something to come out of that, and acts on it, THAT is cheating (again, to me).

 

It's different for different people. I have always felt this way. Looking back now, I realize because of the way I feel on the matter, it causes me far less stress, and I don't get jealous if my guy talks to girls. They're people after all.

[locolady]

This is always a tricky subject - and one which i think lots of people cant discuss objectively because so many people have been hurt in the past. I think if you want something to happen with someone else then the relationship youre in isnt right and you should have the decency and respect for your partner to end it before you do actually cheat. Flirting, smiling, laughing, hugging, kissing on cheek should all be acceptable amongst friends but if you are doing those things in the hope of it leading somewhere else this is crossing the line. I think you need to be honest with yourself about what you feel and desire - if its someone other than your partner - admit theres something wrong and get out. Ultimately cheating is so destructive all round and should be avoided at all cost. I totally agree with the distinction between emotional and physical cheating....ie wanting something to happen even though it doesnt still indicates a problem. Granted you cant expect not to find someone else attractive just becuase you are happy in your relationship....but you must think honestly about how deep those thoughts run and what you want to do with that attraction. If you honestly loved your partner, you'd think - yeah that other person is attractive but the thought would end there. If the other person plays on your mind more than that, that line is edging near.

Thats my ten pence worth anyway!

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

I think we can all agree that having sex with someone, while you're in a committed relationship with someone else, is cheating;

 

and smiling at someone else, under the same circumstances, is not cheating.

 

What I'd like to know from you is where to draw the line. Is it OK to laugh at their jokes? To call them by name? To touch them on the arm when you talk to them? To make a sexual inuendo? To make a sexually explicit joke? Hug them with full body contact? Discuss your dissatisfaction with your current relationship? Kiss them?

 

If you feel like your relationship is going downhill is it OK to "toe the line" with someone else as long as you don't step over it?

 

If it's not OK, what's the point of the line anyway?

I'm pretty lenient, but as soon as saliva is exchanged, penis enters vagina or vagina accepts approaching penis, then it's time to say, "Hey something's really wrong here."

 

I don't know, anything considered intimate that is not done with your husband. Like kissing, even eskimo kissing. Dirty jokes are fine, as long as it's not like:

 

Mary: "...and then the salesman says, 'Sure I'll do it, but where do you want me to cum?"

 

John (Scenario #1 that is ok): "Haha, good joke Mary. That was sure dirty. You really know how to tell a good joke!"

 

John (Scenario #2 that is cause for alarm): "Haha, good joke Mary. That sure was dirty..." (dramatic pause, deep whisper, raised eyebrow) "...so, where do you want me to cum, baby?"

[Hope75]

If you wouldn't do it freely in front of your partner, or you will feel strangely about it and would not tell your partner about it, it's probably crossing the line.