My friend says it was cheating, I told her "No it wasn't", was it?

[yeawutever]

Me and my friend, her ex and the little kids were at a fast food restaurant. Then in one convo, my friend and I were talking about the guy I dumped almost two weeks ago (found out he wans't exactly a "good guy" and besides I wans't really ready for a relation).

Going back to story, this how it goes

1) 4/23, guy been dating ask the question (If I would like him to be b/f), not really ready but admit it, first suppost relation

 

2) Five days later, find out from friend he isn't really a "good guy", he's a drug addict. I was at my friend's aunt's house calling him to dump him, no one answer the phone. I never left a message though. sometimes I don't leave messages.

 

3) I decided to go NC, while he (Thomas) keeps calling

 

4) 05/02, French kissed friend's guy friend Javier

 

5) 05/04, finally get the nerves to call Thomas again and officially dump him and resume NC (no contact)

 

So was it really cheating, my friend with a smile says it was, I told her it wans't. Who is right me or her?

[Arrowsmith]

I think it's technically cheating since you kissed Javier before you told Thomas that you wanted to break up. On the other hand, it's certainly different from the usual cheating scenario. Maybe we need a new word for this kind of cheating. But, you know, at the end of the day, these kinds of classifications are just words.

[Meow18]

Like arrowsmith said, it technically was cheating, just because you didn't get through to Thomas to say that you were going to break up.

 

But then again, it wasn't really cheating because you already had intentions of breaking up, but you just couldn't get through to him. If things worked out the way it was supposed to, you would have been broken up long before you made out with the other guy.

 

In my opinion, it's no big deal. I mean, I wouldn't recommend doing that again. But I don't think you should worry about it.

[yeawutever]

Yea, definitely not going crazy like that again with a guy I was introduce day 1. Just that when my friend say with a smile "Oh Celia, that was cheating, you cheated", I was like taken by surprise. I felt I didn't really, cuz it felt more like dating than relation and yes like you stated Maggie, I had already planned on dumping him way before the kiss, just that no one was on the phone.

 

Reason I also felt surprise that is cuz then I was thinking if I ever get into a real long time relation and what if I were to ask if I ever did cheat, then I was guessing I won't have pretty much of a good story and my image would be a little shattered. Then you hear that "Once a cheater always a cheater" statement, which doesn't really apply to the whole population, thought it does to some.

[Meow18]

I would say that you would be safe to say that you haven't cheated.

 

But you know, everyone thinks cheating can mean different things. To me, it would be one thing if you were planning to break up with your boyfriend, but waited weeks, even after making out with other people. Cause that would be like leading your boyfriend on..

 

If you want to be safe, just be honest with whatever guy you are dating.. if he asks about cheating. Just tell him what happened. Either he will think it's cheating and never want to see you again, or he'll think it was only minor cheating and would be willing to give you a chance still.

 

Or he might not even think it was cheating.

[Spectre22]

yeah its cheating. I mean, you ended the relationship two days after you'd kissed another dude. It doesnt matter if you werent into the guy, you were still with him. If you would of waited to break up with him before kissing some other guy (and, since they were two days apart, lord knows why you didnt) then it wouldnt of been, but yeah, your friends right, it is cheating.

[yeawutever]

Spectre I went a little of on that one, it's like I was caught up in that moment. Hate to admit it, but Javier was cute and seem nice at first, not anymore and I'm not nice either, don't wanna see him ever again.

Days before the kiss, I called him more than 5 times and no one answered the phone. So I thought that by doing NC, Thomas would already get the idea that it's over.

As for Maggie, no I'm not dating anyone, single again.

[Spectre22]

you dont need to explain yourself to me..you just asked if it was cheating, and the answer is yes.

[Arrowsmith]

Ailex1987, why do you care if it was cheating or not? It's just a word. whether it was "cheating" or "not cheating" doesn't change what you did.

 

Wondering whether something is robbery or not is important because robbery has a legal definition and if you're guilty of robbery has real consequences. There's no law against cheating (unless you're married), and the consequences of your actions are the same no matter what you call it.

 

Maybe what you're really after is "do you think what I did was morally wrong?". That's a question that makes more sense to me. And I think the answer is "I guess a little, but don't sweat it - you just have to deal with the consequences, and next time break up with the first guy first."

[yeawutever]

Yea, I'm overracting, I'm not gonna sweat on this one. The reason I was caring so much is cuz I would say to myself "No, I'll never do this, I'm not that type of person" and would like say to some people here who did it that there really is no excuse.

 

It goes way back to this post I wrote a while ago.