i don't understand...

[teacup]

i worked at this company for awhile. i thought the ppl in it were rather low class and uneducated.....most had only graduated from high school. but i didn't realize that would make a difference. it's strange.....i tried to make friends with some of the girls at the company. but they kind of banded together and hated me.

 

one of the girls i disliked from the beginning, i felt she was so fake, shallow, stupid and superficial. i felt so uncomfortable and didn't understand why other ppl didn't see it. i mean......today i look at her myspace and she is talking about.....

 

how she likes to put her hands near her crotch and pretend to catch herself pooping and peeing. and then if she is really good friends with someone, she will do that to them too.

 

keep in mind, she is my age. i find that very vulgar. but it is something very much like her to say/do stuff like that.

 

i think she is the one that got the other girls to hate me......some of them were okay to me at first but slowly all of them turned against me. and i never knew why.

 

to this day, i don't understand......they would rather be friends with her than me??? i am so incredulous about it...

 

i try to make sense of it but i just don't get it. i think i am nice, friendly, chatty and kind.

 

also for example, this guy at the company tried to get me to tell him about my sexual adventures. i refused because i was uncomfortable, but he was like "she tells me all about what she's done." and then she trades pictures of dildos and weird pics like dogs having sex with cats on her myspace with some of the guys from the company. he never talked to me again, but i think they are still friends.

 

i don't get it. i am guessing......we all look for different things in our friends?

[Hope75]

i worked at this company for awhile. i thought the ppl in it were rather low class and uneducated.....most had only graduated from high school.

 

one of the girls i disliked from the beginning, i felt she was so fake, shallow, stupid and superficial.

i find that very vulgar. but it is something very much like her to say/do stuff like that.

i don't understand......they would rather be friends with her than me??? i am so incredulous about it...

Teacup,

 

Read over these sentences again to yourself. If someone felt this way about me I wouldn't want to be their friend either.

 

Level of education does NOT dictate intelligence. It's wonderful to have a college education under your belt, but keep in mind that not everyone has the luxury of affording such an education, not everyone desires that, and skills and knowledge learned through everyday life is just, if not more, valuable than anything you learned in a classroom.

 

Neither of my parents ever went past a high school diploma in terms of formal education. Yet, they are two of the most highly intelligent people I know. They have excellent grammer, read vociferously, are up to date on politics, can talk history with you a bluestreak, are well educated in science and medicine, are wonderful and supportive parents to four well rounded, grown, successful children, and own their own company ( for 21 years this year!) as skilled employers and workers. Never have I thought less of them for not having a college degree.

 

Frankly, your comment regarding people being low class and uneducated because they "never went past high school" really offends me.

 

(and for the record, yes I have a degree and am working on my second one now- finished in December. MY choice- and I would not think less of myself for not pursuing this, because this is what I want and it's not for anyone else but me.)

 

Perhaps this coworker's fetishes are not your cup of tea, but why is it any of your concern that she behaves that way? It does not effect YOU directly, and so really isn't any of your business.

 

It seems through your posts that you have a string of failed relationships and friendships- every where you go you feel that people are against you. Do you suppose it's not them, but possibly you?

 

Just a thought.

[ElektraHere]

Teacup,

 

I agree with Hope what you said in your post makes no sense at all. In one breath your saying they are low class and uneducated. Then in the next breath your saying they are being mean and avoiding you. I would avoid you to if you sent that type of vibe out.

 

As for the guy at work it sure seems that you run into alot of guys that have this fixation on it. Are you sure your not misreading them or that you are the instigator of the topic? I find it hard to believe that a guy a work would just start talking about sexual adventures if not prompted by the conversation taking place.

 

Teacup you need to look back at your posts and there is a common thread with all of them....that everyone conspires against you and all people want to do is hurt you. I think you should turn the mirror around and see if you arent the one conspiring against yourself.

[teacup]

well, i can tell both of you don't understand what im talking about.

 

i never equated lack of education with unintelligence or vice versa and i never give other people attitude. i treat everyone with respect, decency and a fair chance. my own grandparents didn't go beyond grade school.

 

but i got to KNOW them better and i could tell these things. drugs in the parking lot, sex jokes constantly, drugs in the workplace (my supervisor was on e during work), disrespect for women, abortions, girls having sex in the conference room with the supervisor, one girl drinking beer and having sex with her bf in her van during work, men looking at porn on the internet during work, going to the strip club during lunch, marijuana pipes and smoking out during dinner break, lots of bars.....the men wanting to talk about my breasts, my legs, my * * *, comments about my body.....rumors and constant gossip and backstabbing...s and m clubs....one of the girls had naked pictures of her female and male friends on the computer and told me her uncles were serial murderers (killed 9 ppl)

 

i can tell neither of you know what i am talking about. but i do equate those behaviors with low class. and have not encountered this in any other situation.

 

oh yah, there was also the time, some of the coworkers took the photographs of other workers, photoshopped them and spliced them with other images. and made fun of it.

 

and elektra, you always have some negative comment to make about me in every response u have ever given. i politely request you refrain from answering my posts.

 

i am sharp enough to know when i may have played a part in a situation through my own actions, but i also know when a situation had nothing to do with ME. i was told by guys that a lot of the girls were just jealous and that is why they behaved that way. but i went out of my way to be nice......i offered the use of my starbucks discount to one of the girls, i lent another girl some of my books, i tried to make conversation with them, i offered to go and bring back lunch with them, i lent one of their daughters my pretty jewelry to wear, i complimented one of the girls on her shoes, i was polite, smiled and said hi, i listened to their problems, i asked about their interests (music, filims, friends, pictures). i DO NOT think i did or said anything wrong or offensive.

 

but then i started to hear how they were saying i was having sex with this or that guy, that my skirts were too short (which was weird because one of the girls wore even shorter skirts and one wore a backless shirt to work), they were talking trash about me behind my back, teaming up to kick me out. it was messed up because i NEVER did anything to them but try and be friendly.

 

i didn't even talk about any of them behind their back, although i am complaining on this forum now. i didn't even dislike any of them in the beginning (afterall, i tried to get to know them) until i felt they were teaming up against me. i didn't understand why they disliked me. they had no reason. but toward the end i started to feel uncomfortable, confused, and disgusted. if i HAD done something, they could have tried to talk to me about it..

 

i still don't understand. but i do not think it was my fault. the only thing is, i heard that they were afraid i would be a threat (competition). (again i heard that from some of the guys).

 

but i don't understand. i didn't do anything. the situation at the end was ugly. and it wasn't my choice or in my control, i would never have wanted things to turn out like that.

 

explain to me how i was in the wrong?

[Hope75]

i can tell neither of you know what i am talking about.

 

Teacup,

 

Read your first post on this thread again. We can only comment or offer advice based on what YOU write- and the way that you presented this topic came accross as very prejudiced and pompous. You all but tore these people apart and then stated that you did not understand why they didn't like you.

 

Your presentation of this situation is what led to the comments you received, whether this was an accurate picture of what was really happening or not.

 

It really makes me wonder if the way you perceive things (with you always as the victim and everyone else against you-) is part of the problem.

 

When I respond to a post I read the post carefully and try to put some thought into my response. Your thread (which I read twice this morning because I was stunned at how bigoted it sounded) really upset me and I tried to respond thoughtfully and though I wanted my feelings made, I tried to keep myself under control and to present them in a way that not only the moderators would accept, but that you might read and think twice about what you said.

 

Then, after all that, you come back and present a *new* angle to your story, with details that were totally left out before, and which now make me question:

 

a. why you are working there if it's so bad, and

b. if your coworkers are really like that why you would even want them as friends,

 

and think, gee, this theme sounds like all your other posts, with you the innocent victim and everyone else a drinking, drug taking, porn watching group of people that have sex on the job and make comments about your body. This is just so far fetched, teacup.

 

Ever hear of the phrase, "you are defined by the company you keep"? If I were surrounded by people who were actually like this, I would be looking for a new job.

 

Regardless of how these people behave, your original post came accross as haughty and ignorant, and that's why both Elektra and I made the comments that we did.

[teacup]

i AM at a new job (great co-workers, they are totally different). (my new co-workers have birthday cakes during meetings, ask me about my exams, offer to help me out, have jars of chocolates and candies at work, are flexible with time, go with me to lunch, treat me like i am normal, say hi to me in the hallways, bring back little presents when they come back from traveling)

 

i AM NOT friends with these people and don't particularly want to be. it's just too weird and uncomfortable.

 

but i am reflecting on what happened. and it wasn't farfetched because it REALLY all happened as i said it did.

 

i am reflecting to see if i can understand it because i STILL don't.

 

and the only reason i can come up with WHY any of them behaved like that is lack of education. because it is still a mystery why they would do that. is it because they have different values? (the girl who talks about poop/pee does have a college degree).

 

and yes, NOW i am VERY prejudiced against all of them now because it was such a horrible experience. it didn't HAVE to be but it turned out that way and that wasn't the way i wanted it. it was very disturbing. (i was seeking professionalism, friendliness, kindness, decency, respect, a positive environment - that is how i behaved because that is what i wanted but i certainly didn't get treated any better)

 

if i am not mistaken, enotalone is supposed to be a forum where we discuss the more negative and hurtful, harmful aspects of our lives. which is what i am doing.

 

oh yes, while i think i may have perpetuated or recreated/worsened the victim role in situations involving abusive men (by not getting out quick enough, by not choosing the right people, by getting emotionally attached), i do not believe this happens to me with women. as far as i know, i don't have the same kind of emotional attachment to women, thereforeeee i don't LET them. but a lot of this happened behind my back anyways just because i was in the same environment.

[ElektraHere]

Teacup,

 

I am not negative in responding to your posts. Your posts are all the same thing just different people and different place but basically the same thing. I am with Hope on this one I think you play the "victim" card waaaay too much. You get back what you put out in the world. If you want to be treated poorly and always the vctim then that will be your lot in life. I would think that you would want more for yourself.

 

As for refraining from answering your posts perhaps maybe you shouldnt post you never seem satisfied with anyones response to you. Also maybe look at how many responses you get, not many. Have you ever heard of the story "The boy who cried wolf?" Perhaps people think of your posts as just that.

[Daddy Bear]

hmm, the middle ground sems to be empty here. looks like a good place to stand.

 

teacup... first of all, i sympathize with what you have gone through. it's rough being an outcast at a job. the guy who made sexual remarks to you should have been fired, and i HAVE fired people for smoking marijuana at work, even though i considered them my friends and don't necessarily believe it to be an evil thing.

 

i don't remember the details, but i recall another post where you had expressed some very sad feelings so i know you've been through the wringer and i'm sorry.

 

onnn the other hand... i don't see what someone's myspace or whether they have had abortions has to do with how they perform their job duties. it seems as though you have compiled a long list of other people's flaws in order to justify your perceived superiority, which is one of the biggest flaws that one can have. my sister is very much like that. without ever realizing it, she rubs people the wrong way and becomes unpopular even though she goes out of her way to do things for them. smiling at people and fetching their lunches doesn't make up for being judgmental and intolerant. i doubt that the people you looked down on were any less intelligent than yourself.

 

as far as ENA goes, the people here will support you if they think you are on the right path, and they will criticize you if they believe you are not. both are healthy and should be welcomed. i think the fact that you were unwilling to entertain the possibility that Hope and Elektra might have a point speaks to the root of the problem. i have tried to get through to my sister until i was blue in the face, but nothing wil ever convince her that the fault was not entirely someone else's every single time. such a shame, because if she would just make a few painless mental adjustments her life would be a good deal easier.

 

i'm glad that you enjoy your new job, and i will leave you with the thought that the power to be liked almost always rests entirely in your own hands.

[Scout]

I'm with slightlybent here, there's definitely some middle ground on this issue. First, I absolutely agree the people at the job you first described sound vulgar, crass, and obviously worlds apart from where you're coming from. In my opinion, it's ultimately a positive they didn't welcome you to their little crowd. From the sound of them, would you really have wanted to fit in?

 

I would also agree with slightlybent that it would probably be a good idea to get out of the habit of comparing yourself with others. It really serves no purpose, other than to make you feel even more alienated from people - either by feeling superior or inferior. I don't think either is a very healthy mindset.

 

And I do encourage you to continue posting your feelings and thoughts on eNotalone. I know you're at a point in your life where you are really seeking your true identity and wanting to understand more about yourself and your relationships with others.

[teacup]

i did not mention the abortions in terms of, i am better than this person, i would never do that etc, having had so many troubles myself, i don't think i have that kind of attitude. however, if other people PRESUME that i am that way, then that's not really my problem because they presume it and it has nothing to do with my real beliefs or real actions. i have better things to do than fill my own head with superficiality.

 

i mention it in terms of, a person's character should be summed up by their actions.....what kind of person is this from their actions? for example, i hear one of the girls gave up her baby for adoption high school....i was bothered. how does someone just give up her own baby?

 

this is why i think enotalone is harmful sometimes. there are too many presumptions, assumptions. i hear about new flaws that i don't think i have and i am misinterpreted in ways that i don't intend. that's harmful.

 

while i am willing to give hope75 the benefit of the doubt, i do not give the same to elektra. she? he? seems to cut me down in every single post, i have noticed this, and do not find his/her intentions to be pure.

 

if someone says something of merit, even though it may be different from my opinion, i am able to listen. but if i find it to be harm disguised in the form of "helping", then that is not okay.

[Daddy Bear]

i don't want to give you the impression that i don't like you, because that is so not the case. but i'm telling you, i can see where you're going wrong, and i'm not above a friendly argument if it brings up my post count.

 

let me speak to you as i would to a member of my own family:

 

on the subject of abortion: my statement was that it had nothing to do with a person's job performance, and the point behind that was that it was none of your business and you were not exhibiting much professionalism to judge a coworker on that basis.

 

adoption: have you ever been in a position where you had to decide whether or not to give your own baby away? i doubt it. that must have been a gut-wrenching and tearful decision and she most likely felt that it was the best thing for the child. and yet you look down your nose at that poor girl like you're saint teacup.

 

ENA: you will likely always find that the people here are making unwarranted assumptions about you, because you are not willing open your mind enough to look at both sides of a story. one nice thing about this forum, though, is that you can go back through and re-read old posts and see patterns start to emerge.

 

when we post on ENA we are going to get honest and thoughtful opinions, whether we can swallow them or not. i am not aware of any member who simply 'has it in' for somebody, including ElektraHere, to whom you owe an apology as it states quite clearly next to each of her posts that she is a female.

 

i think the fact that you attacked her personally demonstrates beyond doubt that you do have faults like the rest of us. if you disagree, then go ahead and throw stones. personally, i have never met anyone who can truly claim that right and i don't think i ever will. yet you made it crystal-clear that you found your ex-coworkers beneath you, and the evidence is still sitting on these pages and was even highlighted to bring it to your attention.

 

i'm here to tell you that you are no better than any of us, and you can argue all you like but until you start to project that reality and take responsibiliy for the way people perceive you, then you are going to have problems.

 

which brings me to my whole reason for posting in your threads: i care about people, not just the ones who act like me, and i don't want you, teacup, to have problems. dig?

 

so, go ahead and tell me i'm wrong on every point in this post as i'm sure you are at this moment preparing to do. i can take it, i will consider your arguments and i promise i will still treat you with respect.

[ElektraHere]

Thank you Slightly Bent I appreciate your kind words. However, I think that Teacup feels everyone should be on her level and everyone should be apologetic to her.

 

Teacup if you are to ever make it in this world you will need to accept different opinions. Why would you continue to post on this site if you never agree with what people offer you? Do I have it out for you? That is just laughable. You must feel very insecure that you must resort to that thought. Not everyone in this world has it out for you. The world isnt all about you. I think you need to step down a bit from your pedestal and take a look at the world as everyone else sees it.

No one is better than anyone else. The gals at your work who have had to make very hard choices for actions they did are not any less or any more than you or I. Maybe you should look back at past posts and see how many different members actually answer them. I have and I can tell you not that many. Hmmm could that be that you have never wanted to listen to their advice either and they eventually have given up on wasting their breath anymore?

Teacup it's time to take the blinders off and really focus on real life and what truly is going on and not what is going on in your fantasy world.

[blender]

Teacup, sorry you are feeling so upset with everyone's responses. We do care. Honestly I could understand what you were saying to a certain point, even with hints of "judgement" in most of what you say about others, but when you said, "how could someone give up thier baby?"

 

Instead ask yourself; "How could someone judge the actions of another unless they have walked in their shoes?" Giving a baby up for adoption can be the most difficult and loving thing a young girl can do for the BABY, it is loving and unselfish and could be what is BEST for the baby, at the time. Why not respect her choice, instead of immediately putting it in a "who could do that?" category... this says more about you then it does about her.

 

If someone told me they gave a baby up when they were young, my first response would be, "my god, that must have been so difficult for you, but I'm sure you did what you thought was best for the child"....

 

I'm sorry that your first response would be one of judgement.. I feel for you, there is so much beauty in others you will not 'see" if you refuse to honestly "hear" YOURSELF...

 

I'm sure there have been some people that have been less than stellar towards you, but work on making yourself more understanding of your OWN response to others. In life sometimes, it's more important to understand than to be understood.. try it once, and it may make you feel really good inside. We are all equal and we are powerless over others, we can only control how we choose to respond to them... and you might want to choose to respond with understanding and grace first, you might be surprised the wonderful things you can discover in others...when they realize you are "willing" to accept them.

 

Perhaps you need to work on "accepting" yourself as human, flawed, normal, not perfect, and know that making yourself a better 'friend" is the first step to having better friends.

[teacup]

i attacked elektra personally? excuse me?

 

i wasn't paying attention to whether she was female or male so i put in the he? she? so as not to be rude, NOT to be rude. once again, that is a misinterpretation and misassumption and i take grave offense to that. i am not so trivial and snippy as to insult someone on gender. good grief. who do u think i am? i can come up with better insults than that if that was my intention.

 

i dont care if you like me or not. this is a forum. im not here to be liked.

 

and there is no way i am apologizing because she does cut me down and im interested in discussing issues not my personality. i have enough selfawareness to know my own flaws not your interpretation of them.

 

and yes, about abortion, i do wonder how any young girl can just give up her baby.

 

i never had anything against her until she teamed up to get me fired, and to criticize my work because she was afraid i was her competition when i wasn't even competing with her. i was just doing the best job i could. okay, watever, u just dont know. was it my fault that her ex bf who she cheated on came after me and i turned him down? i didn't show him any interest. i even told him straight out i would never date him because i didnt want to upset her. was that a reason to gun for me? NO cuz i didnt do anything.

 

end of story.

[blender]

Sometimes it's just polite to apologize to some one we might have offended even if it was NOT our intention to do so.. for instance,

"Sorry if I offended you, that was certainly not my intention, I wasn't sure if you were male or female.. oops. Thanks for letting me know"

 

Even if someone is "wrong" about your intention, it's okay.. just explain what you meant, that's all. No need to be defensive.. and if someone else is doing something "not so nice", well the only way to beat them at that game is to NOT become like them...

 

This is a great site, with so many thoughtful people, really everyone is meaning to be helpful. Even if sometimes it's not what we want to hear...

[hazeleyed]

Dear teacup,

 

I feel for you because while growing up I actually did face a lot of horrible issues in my life which made me the victim. After a while I didnt know how to stop the cycle of me being a victim so it just happened everyday. Maybe you should really look at how you act around people and how you think about everyone?

 

 

As for the abortion issue, no one can really know what a girl goes through when she is pregnant unless you are the girl. No one knows what thoughts or fears goes through the girls head when she needs to make a choice that will determine not only her future but the future of everyone around her including the baby. Its a tough choice, cannot be simply be simplified.

 

Just my thoughts...Instead of trying to see the world as they are out to get you, or seeing the faults of other people...see the goodness behind them. The world will not change, only you can change yourself and how you see the world around you.

[Daddy Bear]

tea, after almost 700 posts you know where to look to see if someone is a female... you are not being honest with me

 

but like it or not, i still like ya

[teacup]

i didn't say i didn't know where to look for the gender on profile. i just wasn't looking or paying attention in the FIRST place. i tend to skim and type FAST and do what is EASIEST like type he/she instead of scrolling up to view someone's profile.

 

now you are accusing me of being dishonest? i DONT ask to be liked from ppl who think im not truthful, ESPECIALLY when i am.

 

and i am not apologizing because i have seen elektra say something horribly negative about me in every single post and i simply dont welcome her opinion and have told her straightout. i see nothing wrong with that because we SHOULD be able to tell someone when they make us uncomfortable.

[AwdreeHpburn]

wow.

 

what did I walk into.

 

Everyone OK?

[Daddy Bear]

i hope so. to me it's just a matter of good people who don't happen to see exactly eye to eye.

[avman]

This is a post on respect.

 

Read it

Learn it

Follow it

[Tigris]

Those people aren't her friends, THEY'RE AFRAID OF HER!!!!

 

You don't need people like that around you. Stick to your own principles, you're a better person than all of those people.

 

You are better than them. If they talk to you look straight into their eyes.

 

The male worker... well he's a pervert and she's one too. He's 'getting off' by what she's showing and telling him.

 

If I was in your position I'd just ignore them and just get on with my work.

 

Have you ever thought that she's jealous of you? She won't admit it but I've met her type before.