Going through a tough time

[dudez]

Hey. This is my first time here, and I just really needed to talk to someone/write out my feelings about my current situation. I've been dating my girlfriend for nearly 3 years now. I will be a senior in college next year and she is just about to graduate (she transferred in credits to be done early). For the last month or so it seems our relationship has been sort of stressed, which is understandable for her considering everything. Well, she started saying that our relationship was "in a rut" (what college-located relationship isn't?) and started hanging out with guys from her work. This I have no problems with, as I'm not a posessive guy and trust her more than anyone else. Also, one of the guys she works with has been trying to split us up for a few weeks now. She says she's not interested in him but that the attention "flatters" her. As this progressed, she spent increasingly longer amounts of time with them/him, but "wasn't interested in him" but just wanted to "spend some time apart." So, yesterday she says she wants to go on a break to "not feel bad about hanging out with "the guys" until all hours of the morning, which really tears me up inside. Regardless, I figure if she's not happy with her own situation than how can our's get any better. She then goes to work and informs me today, after some prying for the name, that she kissed the guy that had been hitting on her all along, less than 6 hours after she went on a break to "just have some time apart." Now, I just started working a job to be able to stay and live with her this summer but then this comes along and I'm totally lost. She says she has no doubt that she wants to marry me someday and that she's staying around until I finish school to be with me, but I am having problems accepting that given her actions. Now we barely speak, let alone act like two people that supposedly "love" eachother. So, right now I'm wondering what I've done so wrong. I've always been honest and faithful to her and this feels terrible. What should I do?

 

-Thank you in advance for any help you can give me.

[dopexile]

Maybe she just got bored with the relationship bro. In my view women live extremely boring lives so they have to do stuff like this to keep things interesting... to spice up their life. Or maybe she thinks of him as an upgrade in boyfriend material. Being honest and faithful does not give you a free ticket to marry.

 

From your end of things though it's pretty much unacceptable. You would have to lay down some firm ground rules to even be able to consider staying with her. You would have to be a man and lay down the law and tell her how it is.

 

But in the long run I think it's gonna drive you crazy, because she works with this guy after all.. and now you don't feel like you can trust her. So it would just end up with you feeling insecure, trying to tell her what she can and can't do, and then she would just feel suffocated and even more driven away.

 

Bad deal entirely.

[CarnelianButterfly]

In my view women live extremely boring lives so they have to do stuff like this to keep things interesting... to spice up their life.

What? Where did you come up with that?

[enigmaz_Barbie]

hahaha, yehh second CB, where did you come up with that!?

[dopexile]

Just a little theory of mine But I'm not dumb enough to think that it applies to all women haha...

[CarnelianButterfly]

Your hypothesis maybe, but no where near a theory. Theories are proven statements based on observations and facts that have been repeatedly tested and are widely accepted. You're making conjecture and thereforeeee this is not a theory.

[dopexile]

Not today feminist Theories absolutely do not have to be widely accepted, infact the popularity of a concept is completely irrelevent to the scientific method. A perfect example is string theory. Even the thought of widely accept is subjective.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

OP--geez sorry about your situation, that must suck. It's hard to say not knowing more, what is she thinking? Because she went and kissed this other guy....and then told you she definitely wants to marry you? I don't know it's pretty confusing. To tell you the truth I once kissed someone else, even though I loved my boyfriend, but, the circumstances were very different. Unless there's something you're not telling us... like you did something bad to her, maybe? Any way....If you two have been together that long, and she says she does want to marry you....maybe this is just some sort of 'rough patch'?

[HeckaBekah]

You did the best you could do by being there for her. Don't blame yourself! You're both so young and she probably still has the idea in her head that romance and the feelings that go along with it equals love. She wants that feeling you get when you first meet someone, but deep down she knows that this guy means nothing to her and that her idea of love is a false reality. She is probably very scared of taking your relationship to the next level and essentially growing up.

 

I suggest keeping the space between you two so that you and her both respect your position on this matter. Do not give into her emotions since she will continue to be confused and confusion leads to only more confusion. She loves you enough to want you back into her life and I think that if you really love her (which I can tell you really do) you would be there for her and if you loved yourself you would be there enough to listen and support her, but would also respect your own needs and the hurtful feelings you had when she distanced herself from you in the first place. Good luck!! I know everything will turn out alright!!