SummerLove Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 My bf and I have just recently got back together after a 5 month separation. Things are going really great...the thing is though, old problems are arising and I want to nip them in the butt before they show their ugly heads once again. The major problem of my concern is his best friend. Now, don't get me wrong, he's a pretty nice guy and fun to hang out with. Its just that my bf uses up about 80% of his spare time with him. They've been friends for about 10 years, and I know that I can't just make him disappear, but it seems as if I am in a constant battle with him over who gets to spend time with my bf. Its getting really, really annoying. For instance, this last weekend that went by, I had told my bf prior that I wished to spend it with him about a week prior. Well, him and his buddy had made "plans" later on that week(let me tell you that their "plans" are just sitting around doing nothing all day while listening to music and eating). Now, I know you are thinking "so what?", but listen, they do this EVERY FRIGGIN WEEKEND!!!!! I ended up complaining for 3 days straight about it to him. He ended up picking me over his best friend, which I was rather surprised by. We had THE BEST weekend. And to top it all off.....HIS STUPID BEST BUD IS GETTING ALL BENT OUT OF SHAPE ABOUT IT! Just now on AIM he said "ur mean, taking him away from me this friday." Um, hello? I'm his GF! I think I'm entitled to some time with my bf. The honeymoon period of our newly revived relationship is NOT OVER and I don't want this weasel ruining for me! What am I suppose to do about this? My bf doesn't believe me when I tell him that I feel as if I'm in a battle over his attention. Oh, and did I mention that whenever I do bring it up his stupid buddy decides to turn it around on me and say that I am just trying to get between them and make them not be friends? AS IF I WOULD CARE! It doesn't bother me that he has a really good friend, in fact I admire it...but shouldn't he be spending somewhat equal amounts of time with each of us? I KNOW FOR A FACT that we broke up because he manipulated my bf's mind into thinking I'm like the worst gf ever. Whenever he's around his best bud, my bf is a complete jerk...around me he's a sweetheart and the guy I truly care about. How in the heck do I deal with this kid from trying to ruin things between us? ](*,) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tigris Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 How old are the 3 of you? It sounds to me like your bf has never had a relationship where he's put his gf first. Am I right? How about suggesting you go somewhere on a weekend where on one occasion he can go with you. That way your bf will see that you are trying and that his friend is the one that's causing all the problems. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SummerLove Posted May 16, 2006 Author Share Posted May 16, 2006 My bf and I are turning 17 soon and his best friend just turned 16 about a month ago. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dopexile Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 haha as soon as I read the title I knew I was gonna like this one I actually commend your boyfriend for being a man and not letting you control his life like so many average chumps do. You're not going to change him... that's for sure. Maybe the three of you can all get involved in activities together? Or your bf says that they already have plans made.. perhaps you could make plans before your friend makes plans with your boyfriend? If your boyfriend isn't willing to compromise then maybe it's just time to move on. If it does get to that point though it probably won't be so bad because of the sheer number of brokeback mountain references you make to him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SummerLove Posted May 16, 2006 Author Share Posted May 16, 2006 I don't think you guys comprehend how annoying this all is though... EVERY WEEKEND! Every weekend they are together....its as if THEY are dating and not me and my bf. They don't even really make plans...its almost automatic...I've tried planning ahead but it doesn't work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 Is this the same guy that you broke up with because he was smoking pot? Is he still doing that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dopexile Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 I understand exactly how annoying it is. It's to no one's surprise that when you got back together with him the same problems exist... you broke up the first time for a reason. It really sounds like you have no say or control in the relationship. If he wants to go out with his friend then he's going to either way... and the sad reality is that if you try and discuss it with him he might just avoid the situation by going out with his friend more. So at the end of the day you have needs.. and you need to decide if they are being met. If they aren't you need to see if he is willing to change which it seems he isn't. So you can either put up with it or find someone who appreciates spending time with you rather than sitting around listening to music with their butt buddy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tigris Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 It sounds to me like you are more mature than the both of them. Maybe it's time to date someone older? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phoenix69 Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 You need to sit you BF down and explain to him, in little words so he will understand, exactly what you are feeling. If he decides to take his friend's side (again) then huney, you are better off without him. One of the best things to do when getting back with an ex (Believe me, I speak from experience here ) is that you have the "Getting back together" talk. This is when you and your boy sit down together, maybe go and have coffee somewhere nice, or go out to dinner, and talk about the issues you had. Eg why you broke up in the first place. Then you need to work on some solutions. If your boy is mature enough, this shouldn't be a problem. Getting back with an ex is hard work, especially if your BF can't see the problems that are undoubtedly obvious. Good Luck, keep us posted Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarnelianButterfly Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 I ended up complaining for 3 days straight about it to him. This is one reason he may pick his friends over his SO... Nagging does nothing for a relationship but annoy the naggee. If you don't like something tell him in a mature and straight forward manner. Too many women act passive-aggressive about their problems. Tell it like it is and don't drag it on and on and on, then it just gets to the point where its not a problem its a grudge. Maybe you and the friend could try alternate weekends with him, no offense, but at 17 you shouldn't get so worked up about stuff like this. Dating at this point in your life should be fun, not all the drama and strife. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CluelessGuy321 Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 You guys are still babies. D'awwwww Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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