RayF Posted May 15, 2006 Share Posted May 15, 2006 Okay I understand this may come off as sounding compleatly absurd. Either that or I may sound like a complete clueless idot but what the topic states... I have no i dea how to handle a situation like that. A bit about me, I'm a serious guy who's not too much into the bars. I'd rather have a serious girlfriend. But the way my life is right now I've been hurt by a ton of girls and super motivated in my career. I feel now may be a good time to explore sewing some oats just to say i experienced it, no regrets that i missed out. Problem is I have no idea what the hell to do at a bar. I'm also a recovering from a super low self esteem and trying to come into my own. In certian situations I can be totally confident. conversing with women, but i can't seem to bring myself to initiate convo or ask girls out all too often. It takes me forever to build up the confidence to do it. I find almost every time I go to the bar at least once in an outing, that girls are grabbing and or fondling my butt? lol! I mean it's flattering, especially since the last girl that did it was actually amazingly attractive. It's like they grab me, and then try to hide.Obviously interested and/or flirting (i'm not that dense) But i just stand there wondering what the hell to say or do. As i said i'm way too serious and apparently unfun. This happened last night, and i made eye contact with the girl, gave her a half smile etc. but STILL wondered if she was interested. Like a doofus stood there with my feind while she sort of hovered around nearby i suppose, at one point right behind me. Anyways i did nothing, said nothing to her etc. cause i'm that timid. and then she leaves the bar, right before she does gives me a wave. Not a smile just a wave and walks out. What the hell? Am i just clueless on what to do, was she just half interested and simply scrweing with my mind or was she interested and waiting for me to make a move? Ugh. Please give me lessons. I'm already 21 and still a fliriting idot apparently. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starfall Posted May 15, 2006 Share Posted May 15, 2006 Definitely interested... If you are, you should make a move... before she gives up on you and leaves. If they weren't interested I can promise they wouldn't be near you, much less grabbing you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heloladies21 Posted May 15, 2006 Share Posted May 15, 2006 These girls are obviously very interested and you have some skills to learn, but there are resources to help you out. Go to: link removed link removed link removed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Bugg Posted May 15, 2006 Share Posted May 15, 2006 Ahhh yes, the ol' butt grabbing trick First of all..the same women who grabbed your butt in the club would NEVER do it sober and in line at the grocery store. LOL..in fact, if you SAW her again at the grocery store (if she remembers) she would likely run the other way. I think you NOT reacting was the respectful thing to do, truthfully. If a guy did the same thing to a girl, he might get a drink thrown in his face.. I am not saying she wasn't interested...she probably was. I am saying your reaction was not abnormal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted May 15, 2006 Share Posted May 15, 2006 Gropage...We just did that the other night, I was out with some friends, girls and guys. Well us girls were all up at this one table, and there was a group of guys nearby us. One of my friends dared another friend to grab this one guy's butt, which she did, (she was already 3 sheets to the wind). When I happened to look over and catch it all I started laughing sooo hard, I almost fell off my stool...(of course I might have had a few myself). Then everyone started laughing, and this poor guy's reaction and his friends' were priceless! So we all started talking and hanging out. I don't think my friend (The Groper), necessarily liked the guy, but it was just a little harmless fun! Hey, next time someone does this too you, as long as it doesn't bother you, which it doesn't sound like it did, just try laughing along with it all. She's just trying to have a good time. And you and your friends could probably go talk to her and her friends. I don't think a girl would grab a guy's butt if she didn't find him at least a little attractive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted May 15, 2006 Share Posted May 15, 2006 Somebody please explain why it is acceptable, even funny, for a woman to grab a guy's butt and embarrass and humiliate him him in front of a crowd of people and yet if a man did that to a woman he would be lucky not to find himself in court charged with sexual assault. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yeawutever Posted May 15, 2006 Share Posted May 15, 2006 Not really something I would ever in my life dare to do, even if friends told me, not even for money. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yeawutever Posted May 15, 2006 Share Posted May 15, 2006 Somebody please explain why it is acceptable, even funny, for a woman to grab a guy's butt and embarrass and humiliate him him in front of a crowd of people and yet if a man did that to a woman he would be lucky not to find himself in court charged with sexual assault. Yes, DN that was exactly what I was gonna say. Don't see anything funny about it. What if the guy doesn't like that kind of stuff and gets annoy, wouldn't he also report it?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted May 15, 2006 Share Posted May 15, 2006 Somebody please explain why it is acceptable, even funny, for a woman to grab a guy's butt and embarrass and humiliate him him in front of a crowd of people and yet if a man did that to a woman he would be lucky not to find himself in court charged with sexual assault. Well the guys seem to like it...the OP didn't express being humiliated...he said he was flattered didn't he? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yeawutever Posted May 15, 2006 Share Posted May 15, 2006 Well you'll never know people's reaction. They all varied, some might like it, others would feel very humiliated, then some would even report it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted May 15, 2006 Share Posted May 15, 2006 Well the guys seem to like it...the OP didn't express being humiliated...he said he was flattered didn't he? True - but there are women who would be flattered under the same circumstances if it was the right guy. But I am merely asking the question - why the double standard? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted May 15, 2006 Share Posted May 15, 2006 True - but there are women who would be flattered under the same circumstances if it was the right guy. But I am merely asking the question - why the double standard? I don't disagree that if The Gropee in this instance had been offended it would be different, but he wasn't. And usually when I've seen or heard of situations like this, this has been the exact case, that the men are flattered. I've even heard many men lament their misfortunes in not having it happen to them. So why the double standard? I don't know. Maybe men and women are different. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted May 15, 2006 Share Posted May 15, 2006 The problem is knowing before groping if people would be offended or not. A mistake can be costly as many men have discovered. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted May 15, 2006 Share Posted May 15, 2006 True and as I suggested, it might not be quite the same thing for men to do it...I haven't heard any women going on about how they would just LOVE it if a strange guy came up to them and grabbed their ***! Whereas I have heard men express these wishes quite often. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RayF Posted May 15, 2006 Author Share Posted May 15, 2006 In this case I was mostly flattered because the girl was gorgeous. But i can't say it didn;t make me feel kinda uncomfortable. The weird thing was she had two friends who wern't really laughing a long with her. No one was really laughing. It was kinda strange, She did it once I turned and looked at his girl who got embarresed and pointed at her friend who did it, while trying to hide, then i turned around not knowing what to do and it happened agian! She was kind of hovering atound me. I suppose she wanted me to talk to her but I'm reasured that you guys think my reaction was normal as to not know what to do. Hell thats NOTHING compared to what happened the night before. THIS is weid. At another bar (2 nights in a row the first time since i was 18) i'm lining up to get a drink. notice the girls to my left checking me and my friend out. i get up there and order a drink and feel something being stuck in my ear. Look to my left, nothing. I feel it agian. By this time I'm thinking wat the hell and cach the girl to my left doing it. Agian. What the hell do i say to this weird approch? So i say kind of annoyed "i caught you that time". She says. "that was a very critical approach. But very charming". So still feeling weirded out i get my drink and leave. Both of these girls were quite attractive too. When i tell my friends about it they don't even laugh they just think. "What the hell? She stuck things in your EAR?" I rarely ever have girls come up and try to start a convo with me, just this weird crap. Why is this? Some attempt at an icebreaker? At the same time, still flattering. Just knowing i'm desirable feels good as i stated before, you wouldn't know by first impression upon seeing me but i'm still totally shy when it comes to flirting with girls. I came off my whole life of low self esteem. Had a two year realtionship that broke my heart and confidence and had to rebuild it and now i'm noticing girls find me attractive, i got asked to model, many people say i'm good looking. I still have touble seeing that myself though. Probably the best compliment i've ever received and this sounds so absurd. From my last exgirlfriend (which ended way too long ago.. i'm due for a giirlfeind or at least something) "When i first saw you, I thought you were just like any of the other cocky good looking guys where we worked (a high end, very trendy fashion chain, Holt Renfrew in Canada) I had no idea you were so nice and so good looking". Someone saying i'm good looking and cocky (not that i want to be cocky but i always thought i screamed of insecurity) when all i think I am is average and shy. Oh well. Just need to grow into my own person a bit more i guess, i wish i had the same confidence with women as I did with most other aspects of my life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted May 15, 2006 Share Posted May 15, 2006 In this case I was mostly flattered because the girl was gorgeous. She was kind of hovering atound me. I suppose she wanted me to talk to her but I'm reasured that you guys think my reaction was normal as to not know what to do. Well, I didn't say that. If she was hovering, and you supposed she wanted you to talk to her, and you were flattered, and she was attractive to you, then.....It's just possible you could have talked to her.....if you're not offended and you're flattered and attracted to the girl, then laugh! tease her back! don't grab her butt, but laugh and act like you're gonna chase after her and threaten to grab hers too! Both of these girls were quite attractive too. When i tell my friends about it they don't even laugh they just think. "What the hell? She stuck things in your EAR?" Yeah, I don't understand that either, but then I also don't go around grabbing strange guys asses! Hey to each her own I guess! I rarely ever have girls come up and try to start a convo with me, just this weird crap. Why is this? Some attempt at an icebreaker? At the same time, still flattering. Yes, that's exactly what it is. I've noticed that girls will do physical things to get guys attention, to break the ice, to give him an 'opening' (personally I don't get into butt-grabbing, and stuff like that, but I would easily give a guy a light slap on the hand or lightly push him or lightly kick him to get his attention only if we were kidding around.... lot's of girls do this sort of thing.....) What you're experiencing is the same thing with alcohol added to the mix Man, either you like it or you don't. Only you know that....and if you do like it don't complain about not meeting women, etc, as it sounds to me like you're basically passing up opportunities.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AwdreeHpburn Posted May 15, 2006 Share Posted May 15, 2006 "don't grab HER butt?" WHY NOT?! This might be a perfect response. It'll show that you're playful as well as pointing out how ridiculous and juvenile it is to grab another person to express interest. Besides, like DN pointed out, what's up with the double standard? What's good for the goose... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted May 15, 2006 Share Posted May 15, 2006 "don't grab HER butt?" WHY NOT?! This might be a perfect response. It'll show that you're playful as well as pointing out how ridiculous and juvenile it is to grab another person to express interest. Besides, like DN pointed out, what's up with the double standard? What's good for the goose... I don't agree, as I have already stated twice: True and as I suggested, it might not be quite the same thing for men to do it...I haven't heard any women going on about how they would just LOVE it if a strange guy came up to them and grabbed their ***! Whereas I have heard men express these wishes quite often. And also, what's with YOUR double standard? Is it playful or is it juvenile? Which is it? And are you saying that being playful is a bad thing? Don't sound like much fun! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted May 15, 2006 Share Posted May 15, 2006 I wouldn't like some strange woman grabbing my butt for a few reasons. It's tacky. I take it as a possible joke at my expense. I'd avoid any woman that does it to flirt. I'd never do that to a woman so I'd expect similar respect. A friend could do it, but a stranger? IMO, that's weird. Yes, and I wouldn't have any desire to do so (grab strange butt, that is...). But fortunately for the OP, he has stated that he finds it flattering when these women do it, and it's up to him, not us, to decide what he does and doesn't like. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AwdreeHpburn Posted May 15, 2006 Share Posted May 15, 2006 wow. Ok, well I what I mean is that whether or not a man says he likes it, loves, it craves it, ONLY wants it etc, if it's illegal, which it actually is...its called sexual harassment, than it should be illegal accross the board. EVEN if some one finds it flattering. I was saying, if she's doing it to him, maybe she thinks its playful and wouldn't mind him doing it back. I'm with Dako. I wouldn't do it nor be interested in someone doing it to me. THAT specifically isn't fun to me. But plenty of other things are. like throwing stuff off a bridge.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted May 15, 2006 Share Posted May 15, 2006 Well I'm in complete agreement, as I have stated several times in this thread I don't partake in being the groper or the gropee. However, it is not up to me to judge the OP, or what his activities are. I think that there are far more serious things that could happen to a person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AwdreeHpburn Posted May 15, 2006 Share Posted May 15, 2006 I don't think anyone is judging. I think its great he's getting attention. And I think he should act on it. I just think its sort of weird, if it was a girl posting here about some guy grabbing HER butt we'd all be singing quite a different tune. For a man, like DN is, I'm sure that's a bit frustrating, that's all.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted May 15, 2006 Share Posted May 15, 2006 I can't explain to you why society is the way it is, any more than DN can explain it to you. If you can explain it to DN and I, please do, as I don't know why that is either. That said, the OP is clearly flattered by the attention he's getting and wants to know how to persue it. I have given him suggestions on how to do that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dako Posted May 15, 2006 Share Posted May 15, 2006 If I grab a strange lady's keester, and she likes it, then I'm okay, but if it offends her, I'm a pig. Is that how it works? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted May 15, 2006 Share Posted May 15, 2006 You tell us, is that how it works? None of us here speaks for society. Life is so unfair... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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