Asking him out?

[amungda]

issert wrong for a chik to ask a guy out?

 

do guys like it better that way?

[CarnelianButterfly]

Ask him out. Its not wrong.

[shes2smart]

I've done the asking and I've been the one asked.

 

In hindsight, it's worked out better when the guy initiated. Although, that may be something that's unique to my experience and may not be similar to anyone else's.

[xmrth]

It really doesn't matter who asks who out. I think it's nicer to be the one asked out though, but I say if you want to date someone, ask them out. There's nothing wrong with it at all whether the girl does the asking or not.

 

I for one asked my boyfriend out, and have been asked out by the others before him. It's nice both ways, I'm sure for the guy as well to be the one asked.

[Batya33]

In general, guys feel more comfortable being the initial pursuer. There is nothing wrong with asking a guy out - likely he will be flattered. But, if your goal is a long term healthy relationship there is a risk that by initiating the asking out and the early stages pursuit in the relationship the man will feel overwhelmed in a negative way and/or expect you to take the lead in most aspects of the relationship. I do not know of any happy, healthy, long term relationships or marriages where where the woman did most of the initiating early on in the relationship. I know many men who told me they were flattered by being asked out. Those women were not the ones they chose for a long term relationship.

[Luke Skywalker]

I'd prefer it if a girl were to write her number down, and a note saying to call her to hook up, left it with me, and smiled before leaving, that way, as a guy, I'm still making an initiation to ask you out by calling your number or making that crucial step, and I'm not being put on the spot. As I know it, most women dont ask guys out, they leave their phone numbers, and the guy takes it from there.

 

Leave a card or paper with your name, number, and messsage on it, and put it in his shirt pocket, or hand it to him before you leave, just say this is my number, and leave it at that.

[itsallgrand]

In general, guys feel more comfortable being the initial pursuer. There is nothing wrong with asking a guy out - likely he will be flattered. But, if your goal is a long term healthy relationship there is a risk that by initiating the asking out and the early stages pursuit in the relationship the man will feel overwhelmed in a negative way and/or expect you to take the lead in most aspects of the relationship. I do not know of any happy, healthy, long term relationships or marriages where where the woman did most of the initiating early on in the relationship. I know many men who told me they were flattered by being asked out. Those women were not the ones they chose for a long term relationship.

 

That's funny. Reverse the genders and look at it again.

 

There is nothing wrong with asking a male out. If he has a problem with it; he isn't very secure now is he?

[SkylinesTurnstiles]

its fine to ask a guy ouy. most guys love it

[Batya33]

That's funny. Reverse the genders and look at it again.

 

There is nothing wrong with asking a male out. If he has a problem with it; he isn't very secure now is he?

 

I do not think any man has a problem with being asked out - to the contrary I think men are very flattered by it. however, as I mentioned before I think most men prefer to be the pursuers whether consciously or subconsciously. When that role is taken away from them by being pursued in the beginning, they might not choose that woman to have a long term relationship with. I don't think that makes the man secure or insecure - nothing to do with security - just a preference that I believe most men have - and of course there may be exceptions (I don't personally know of any man who likes the woman to be the main pursuer and sees that woman as potentially a long term partner or spouse but i am sure they exist. Given those odds I would prefer not to take the risk and thereforeeee I have always allowed the man to be the main pursuer in the beginning. That has always worked out very well for me.

 

In contrast, when I have made an exception, or when my friends have pursued men the typical results are either (1) lack of any interest by the man (because if he were interested and available he would have done the asking); (2) a man who is content to let the woman put in all the effort, calling, planning etc (which would not work for me); or (3) a man who sees the opportunity to have a casual fling or friends with benefits based on the woman's pursuit but has no interest in anything serious (which also would not work for me but perhaps is fine with others).

 

I know many people of all ages and know of no happy, healthy long term relationships or marriages where the woman did most of the pursuing in the beginning. I know of a lot of unhappy women who pursue men, have one night stands or a short term fling, get blown off by the man and then all of a sudden the man is a "jerk" because he didn't call (even though he never promised exclusivity or even a relationship). that to me is being unfair to the man.

[shes2smart]

That matches up EXACTLY with what I've experienced in my own life and the handful of people I've had the opportunity to observe first hand, over time.

 

Just like every rule, there are going to be exceptions, but if I had my "single & looking" years to do over again, I wouldn't look so hard....and I wouldn't bother pursuing.

[Tigris]

If I'd waited for both my husbands to ask I'd still be waiting now. It's a personal choice.