Was This Justified? Or Am I Really Crazy?

[LEFEM24]

I really need some advice.

 

I was at R.'s house (the guy I have been seeing) on Thursday night.

It was going good. We had sex..it was good, but I had not seen him in a while so I wanted to spend more time with him. About ten minutes after sex..we were watching t.v. I was snuggling him, and he was like " well I have to get to bed". I said teasingly "Oh why? I wanted to spend a little more time with you, I haven't seen you in a while". Well he walked away from meand just said.."nope, gotta get to bed". Well this sort of pissed me off because it felt like he was just throwing me out after sex.

 

I said " WHy are you acting like an A-hole and just throwing me out right after sex"? Well...he got PISSED..and told me I needed to leave. I never raised my voice...but I wanted to talk it out. He said "Get the F- out'....I just stood there...I was in shock. So he picked up the phone and starting dialing...I said "What are you doing"? He said "Calling the cops". I then started crying. No sympathy from him....he just kept telling me to leave.

 

He then hung up the phone and said.."look, call me in a week and we'll talk, but right now I am just pissed". I was like "what's the point in calling in a week"?? He said by then he wouldn't be angry anymore....so I said ok. he even kissed me goodbye!!!!

 

So anyway....I have been thinking about it and I want to know who was wrong here?? I KNOW I should have left when he asked, I was just in shock and did not want to leave with things the way they were.

I am actually pretty angry that he threatened to call the cops on me. If I were screaming or yelling or being violent, then YES I could see why..but I remained calm. HE was the one getting irate. ALmost like he wanted to provoke me. This is REALLY bothering me. This is the first time I have seen this side of him and we have been seeing each other off and on for over a year.

 

I don't think I am going to call him in a week. I may send him an email...but first I wanted advice.

Was I wrong here??

[CarterJonas]

His reaction was wrong.

 

It might just be a one off but if you do give him a second chance and the same happens then finish seeing him.

[SxcLady]

No you werent wrong ... well I dont think you were. Did he have something happen in his life recently?

 

And with him asking you to call him in a week, and you wanting to stay to sort things out... this is just his way of well dealing with things.

 

If i was in your situation i would call him. If he has nothing to say then go NC. I know you havnt broken up, but if you and he cannot sort it out together after a week, id let it go. Let the relationship go.

[kellbell]

Hey girlie,

 

Is this the same guy here in this thread?

 

 

 

If it is...he is just not that into you....you deserve better.

[SxcLady]

uhhh ok i just read that post kellbell put up ... and shes right ... if thats the same guy ... say goodbye!!! You can do better than that!

[coollady1957]

I was about to ask the same thing that kellbell just asked. IF this is the same guy, I agree that he just does not seem to be that serious about a relationship with you.

 

It kind of appears he got what he wanted ( sex ) from you on thursday night, and then was done with you .

 

I think I would just move on if I were you. Seems you might be wasting your time with this guy.

[RandomAdvisor]

Nothing upsets some people more than hearing the truth. Throwing you out after sex is EXACTLY what this guy was doing. I agree with kellbell - he's just not that into you.

[Mrocza]

Um, that was extremely rude.

 

The guy threatened to call the COPS on you if you didn't get out.

 

Who cares if he was pissed off, he should not have taken it out on you.

 

You want this jerk to be interested in you? You can do better...dump him.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Call HIM in a week and see if his highness is yet willing to give you court!? HAHAHAHAHAHA! this is not a man but a spoiled little child. i am asking you PLEASE to not even consider seeing or speaking with this brat again, even if he calls you, this is what caller ID is for.

[Scout]

Ok, this is beyond someone "just not that into you." Even someone not that into you would have better restraint and manners than this creep.

 

That you're even considering having anything else to do with this guy really concerns me. He treated you like garbage. He made you cry! Yes, he's using you, and what's worse, he's got zero respect or concern for you.

 

Please, please don't have anything else to do with him. There is something seriously wrong with this guy, and it's not about you, it's about him. He's an ugly, ugly person. Run, and don't look back.

[LEFEM24]

Thanks everyone, and yes unfortunately, it's the SAME guy.

I am not dumb...I know I can do better. I was hoping I was wrong and that

things would even out, but this last incident really takes the cake.

 

Someguy...I CAN handle the truth, and and I called him on it. It was HIM who couldn;t handle it. I never threatened him. I said he was being an A-Hole and he didn't like it. I am assuming you were talking about ME not being able to handle the truth.

 

I am thinking of sending him this email: what do you all think?

 

 

R,

 

The incident from the other night is really bothering me...so I opted to email you rather than calling you at the end if the week. I hope thats ok.

 

The incident at your house got out of hand. I should have left when you asked me to...

for that I apologize. However, I do NOT think my actions justified you threatening to call the cops on me. I'm sorry, but that was just wrong to me. If I were screaming, yelling or becoming violent..then yes, by ALL means you had every right to do that. Just the fact that you threatened me with that seriously bothers me..and your ability to communicate.

Did I get a little too emotional? Yes. I am not making excuses for that...but at the same time

I think a little understanding or even being a little nicer could have turned the situation completely around. Instead I get yelled at and threatened.It almost seems like you wanted to provoke me. Sorry...but I am having a really hard time with that. Maybe I NEEDED to see this side of you, because it certainly makes me a lot more cautious.

 

Maybe we can talk at some point, but for now I think we need a nice long break. At least I do.

 

Take care,

[DN]

Perhaps I might take the liberty of editing this a little in a way that I feel would be in your long term best interests and eventually bring you much more happiness.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Absolutely NOT!!! do not send it!!!! this whack job has already threatened to call the cops on you for being in his house to provide him with sexual gratification. DO NOT put in writing things like "Things got pretty out of hand the other night", do you even IMAGINE how he might use this against you next time he turns on you??

 

LISTEN TO ME. this guy is BAD NEWS. you need to get yourself away from him immediately. i strongly recommend that you have no more contact with him again, no matter who initiates it. maybe this would be a good time for you to go on a vacation, visit a relative?

[SxcLady]

Nicely said DN!!! LOL

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

yes!!! DNs approach is the best that might be exactly what you need. just exactly the way he worded it.!!! and NO MORE. it's OVER, don't have any more to do with this kid!!

[coollady1957]

I too agree with DN's idea. Seems like the easiest ,simplest way to put it and be done with it and him for good.

[LEFEM24]

LOL DN!!! Thats an idea!!

 

I am glad I am not the one at fault here. I was thinking I provoked him somehow,but I know better.Thing is, this guy is NO kid..he is 43 years old and in Law Enforcement. Strange he didn't "remove" me himself huh??

[Scout]

Ok, I guess you're missing my point. This guy IS what you called him, your first instincts of anger and outrage were THE right ones that anyone with an ounce of self-respect would send.

 

I am floored that you are even considering sending him an email. Do you honestly think any man that would coldly dismiss you out of his house after sex is going to be transformed by your email? Do you honestly think he's going to say, gee, she's right, that wasn't nice of me? Let me make it up to her!

 

Even if he DID, it would be the result of one momentary second of guilt, and he'd be sure to repeat his actions. My gosh, girl...why would you purposely go back for more of the same treatment?

 

The other night, you were an inadvertant victim to some creep's horrible behavior. If you actually continue to communicate with him in any way, shape, or form, it's going to be hard to describe you as a victim, at this point. You're willingly offering yourself up to him for more of the same awful treatment. And that's one of the saddest things I've ever heard of.

[RandomAdvisor]

Someguy...I CAN handle the truth, and and I called him on it. It was HIM who couldn;t handle it. I never threatened him. I said he was being an A-Hole and he didn't like it. I am assuming you were talking about ME not being able to handle the truth.

 

I'm sorry if you misudnerstood me. That's not what I meant. What I meant is that you were telling HIM the truth, and he didn't like it. I'm sure in his own mind he had some other more gentle way of describing what he was doing, but when you told him what he was doing in more blunt and accurate terms that upset him.

[LEFEM24]

Thanks Someguy. I just wanted to clarify that

Anyway, I am not going to send the email, or contact him again. His reaction to me in addition to his past treatment is enough for me to say "see ya".

Thanks for everyones responses and for agreeing I am NOT crazy !!!!!!

[Scout]

Anyway, I am not going to send the email, or contact him again. His reaction to me in addition to his past treatment is enough for me to say "see ya".

Thanks for everyones responses and for agreeing I am NOT crazy !!!!!!

 

Thank God! Should you even get the slightest tempatation to have anything else to do with this guy, please, please post here instead. Or else, I will think you're crazy, lol.

[LEFEM24]

Don't worry Scout, I will. Promise

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

NO, you're not crazy, please do not give in. his behavior is not acceptable. you need to stay as far away from this guy as you can, you should even try to actively avoid running into him at parties or wherever he hangs out.

[Batya33]

No you are not crazy in believing that he overreacted. I do think though that you can take from this experience that perhaps your neediness to be with someone is overriding your entitlement to be with someone who treats you with respect and like a lady. The writing was on the wall that he was not that into you and you continued to pursue. His response was a complete overreaction and in no way justified but it's really just an amplified version of "I'm just not that into you."

[ElektraHere]

Lef,

 

Reading through all your past posts you have alot of baggage that you need to go through. I think the addition of this guy who "isn't into you" is another bag you DONT need.

 

You have issues that need to be worked out on your own before you will be a strong, confident woman in a relationship. This is a very lopsided relationship and you need to get off this scale and balance yourself out.