Feeling obsessed

[libertine]

Somebody please help.

 

I still like this guy a lot but he keeps saying he doesn't want to have a relationship. It's been very good every time we get together or are on the phone, we always have a good laugh but it's been like that for a while.

 

I decided to take matters in my own hands and invited him out. We ended up making love after that but before that he was so hesitant -- he kept saying what will happen the next day and if we did this, it wouldn't change his mind.

 

Anyway, the next day there was no call and none for the entire week. So I call him and it's still friendly. No mention of what happened. That was last week.

 

This week, I created an opportunity to bump into him on Tues. There was a high chance I wouldn't but I managed to and we had lunch. Again, everything friendly like nothing's happened. Until now, no contact.

 

Can someone help me? I'm feeling a bit obsessed and I really would like to have him as more than a friend. Is there any chance of getting together?

 

Should I try the NC?

[AwdreeHpburn]

ahhhh libertine...I'm sorry.

 

Sounds like he's not interested hun.

 

Sorry mate. I do think you should take steps to move away from this guy. Even if just for a bit.

[ElektraHere]

Hey Libertine,

 

I am sorry but I think that he just isn't in that same place as you. I totally understand. I had a friend who I fell in love with and I told him so. He unfortunately didn't share the same feelings for me. I then got a little well a lot attached to him. I wanted him so much that I was convinced he would change his mind. We used to speak every day and for hours I havent heard from him in about a month. It hurts and sucks I have tried calling, texting, emailing, PMing and he has not answered any. It hurts me but you can't make someone fall for you as much as we want it.

 

Move on sweetie and perhaps with time you can have that friendship again.

[libertine]

Thanks but the problem is, he wants to be friends and I can't handle that. I like him too much, if you know what I mean.

[libertine]

Also, surely sleeping with me would be an indication that he likes me. I'm sure of that. Is there any hope?

[Siriana]

In his mind sleeping with you doesn't mean he is in love with you. I guess he finds you nice and o.k., so sleeping with you was no problem for him - he got a chance to get sex and he's not considering you unattractive so why not?

 

For him it was just friendly sex.

 

It is a common mistake to believe if a guy sleeps with you, that he's into you. If he didn't want to be in a relationship with you before sex he will not change his mind after sex. Why we think things could change: because we usually sleep with a guy if we like him.

 

Imagine the opposite: You've met a guy, you find him nice and o.k., sexually attractive, and you get a chance to sleep with him - but you know that you don't wanna date him seriously - would you change your mind after sex? Fell in love with him? I don't think so, your feelings would remain the same. You would have a great chance to have just sex. And if you are selfish enough you would sleep with him even if you know that he is into you, or to feel less guilty you could tell him: you know that woan't change things between us - we will still be friends! Not saying that it is the right thing to do but it's easy to make mistake like that, and sometimes some people even don't think that it's wrong because they gave you the warning what to expect. Like, why would they be your voice of reason?

[itsallgrand]

Amen syrix. I wish that every girl could learn that the easy way, but some need to go through it to believe it.

 

I'm sorry that this situation didn't turn out as you hoped. But there are a lot of guys out there who will be interested in you. You'll find him yet.

[Stari]

Also, surely sleeping with me would be an indication that he likes me.

I think that if he liked you , he would have said "Ok, let's give it a try!". You could always break up later if feelings did not grow along the way.

 

Rather than the fact that sex occurred, look at the level of affection he shows towards you immediately after the sex. Him kissing, hugging and looking into your eyes are good signs that he likes you. Him wanting to leave at once is bad one.

[ElektraHere]

Libertine,

 

The guy I spoke of was my friend and he only wanted to be friends too. We also slept together and like he told me it was just sex to him where to me it was something more.

 

What you need to understand is he likes you but not as much as you him. Please for your own sanity you need to distance yourself from him right now. If he were to start dating someone right now you would be wrecked and that's not good is it? NO!

 

Distance, distance, distance. I struggle with it everyday because I not only lost someone I loved but I lost a great friend whom I shared many things with.

[youngmaturity]

im in a similar situation where im in love with my ex still and dont want to let go, but she only wants friendship. maybe hes feeling rushed or needs space, if hes talking to you it means he is interested on some level. he might be a bit confused himslef.

[libertine]

Thanks everyone,

Elektra, I know exactly what you mean. We were very good friends before this and the chemistry is still amazing. He won't tell me the reason why he doesn't want a relationship. Anyway, it's Sunday and up until now, there's been no communication. I have been very good and not called him. You are right -- it would kill me to know that he's out clubbing tonight or meeting another girl while I'm at home with my kid (I'm separated).

 

As one of you indicated, he has looked me in the eyes, he has held me close after sex -- I don't know if it's because I come with too much baggage and he doesn't want to deal with that. If so, why not just tell me?

 

Anyway, when he mooted just being friends, I told him nicely that I couldn't because I would find it hard to separate those emotions. How can anyone just be friends like that? Do you reckon that's probably the reason why he hasn't called? That he is starting this non-friend thing already. He was very upset when I told him that but what else can I do at this point. I have been very good and caused any drama. There have been no tears, no arguments. BUt a lot of heartbreak on my part(I don't know if it's the same for him).

 

Deep deep down, I'm really hoping that NC will help me bring him back. It's sick, I know and the NC is supposed to help me heal but it hasn't. I've tried it before and he will always call me and I can't resist talking to him.

 

A friend thinks that I've really put his ego on a major level now and told me to play it cool. I know I'm sounding as if there is still hope. I'm hoping there is -- this is terrible. Elektra, I don't know how you do it.