jealousy over boyfiends ex

[jadestoneau]

How do I overcome jealousy?

 

I have been with my fiance since last year and we are planning to get marriage in feb 2005. The problem is that I can't handle my partner talking to his ex-girlfriend. She sometimes calls the house and never askes how I am. I get jealous that she still keeps in contact with him for no reason. They aren't that close anymore, and he dreads he calls.

 

Most of the time I get angry at him when it's not his fault. His ex and I were friends at one stage before him and I got together. When they broke up, we started dating. So I know it may of hurt her knowing we were together. But it's been a year gone.

 

I've tried communicating with her but no luck from her. She tells my partner that I'm gonna wreck his life,etc. So that makes me not want to be friends with her. But been friends with might make it easy for my partner, he won't be torn between us. But I still feel that I don't want to be her friend.

 

It's been so hard for me to cope with this and I've never had this problem when I was married to my husband. I hate feeling uncomfortable and jealous over nothing. I know my partner loves me. I love been in this relationship but I dont want to runied it with jealousy.

 

Does anyone have the same problem? when does jealousy end??

[raggamuffin]

Jealousy can end in two ways...

1. When you decide its not worth the worry and just move on.

2. When your jealousy annoys or upsets your fiance soo much he decides he doesnt want to be with you or you decide you cant take it anymore and cant be with him anymore.

 

Clearly you are with your fiance now and he loves you not her, but once they were close and he probably values her friendship. Before you get married you should deal with this issue or else it could ruin the relationship. To do this i would see a relationship councellor so they can help sift through all the nitty gritty bits, to find out why it really does bother you. Good Luck.

[jadestoneau]

thanks for you quick reply.

 

I did use those 2 steps.

 

1. I dicussed with him that I couldn't handle been like this and I wanted to end it. But it made us upset even more.

 

2. He didn't want to lose me or leave me. So he made a choice that he would no longer have contact with her. But he hasn't done anythng about it yet.

 

I didn't force him to make that decision, but I know I'm worth it for him to do that. I know I would be by his side through out life.

 

But his ex would grill him about it and blame me for his choice.

 

I would anything for him but I know it's my jealousy not his. I just hate feeling like a jealousy bitch.

[raggamuffin]

Well if you dont like who you are becuase of what is happening and you have told him this he should respect that and really do something about it like he said he would. He clearly does love the attention and this is a problem that he has and that he needs to deal with aswell. Ask him why he said that he would do something about it and hasnt yet.