Please help

[hopelesscase]

How do you tell a friend they are really p******g you off, coz whenever you try to make arrangements to meet up with them they are busy, and when you suggest they say when they are free they dont. Before you say it I am sure this friend is not just being polite and trying to avoid me as I have already confronted her over that. She is a busy person, but surely she would be able to find sometime in her schedule to fit in doing somthing, I have tried everything from a day out, cinema, hanging at hers or mine, I have even shown I am happy to include her kids in stuff we do!

 

I havent known her all that long so I need to be careful how I approach it, I dont want to come accross wrong or push her away.

 

HELP!!!!

[Alabama]

Okay, so you want to handle this situation with delicate ease.

 

I suggest simply telling the person that even though you have tried to be polite in finding different ways of hanging out with them, that they are annoying you (don't yell, not a good idea) and that you would appreciate if they could find time to hang out. If this doens't work, then feel free to be more direct.

[kellbell]

I have a friend like that whom I have known for about 11 years. She is a LPN and she is crazy busy. She has flaked out on plans before. What I did about it....I stopped calling her. NC. LOL I have other friends whom were more reliable and had free time to hang out. As far as my friend whom is busy, I let her call me and make the plans instead. Life is too short to chase after other people. Good luck.

[AwdreeHpburn]

hopeless - hmmmmm...... I think I have been on the other end of this before and I don't know how to say this, but I think you may already be acting a bit pushy.

 

If you've actually "confronted" her about blowing you off, that's pretty bold. Especially if you haven't known her very long. She may have been uncomfortable about saying yes.

 

Let me speak from MY experience.

 

When my ex-friend starting hanging around a lot, trying to include my bf and family in our activities, I started feeling sort of... smothered.

 

I talked to her about it and started backing off. That's when she asked me if I was trying to avoid her. Which I was but the idea of answering that question honestly scared me. How could I tell her, "yes, I am trying to avoid you."

 

Not only did I think that would be too mean, i was concerned about her reaction.

 

I suggest you keep in touch with her, continue suggesting activities but let it go when she can't. If you can act more aloof and casual she may not feel smothered. And I'm not saying she does. Just a possibility.

 

If I'm misreading this, I apologize. Maybe you could give more info??

[hopelesscase]

The reason I mention doing stuff with her kids is that often the reason is that she has the kids (they go to their dads every other weekend) so I reply saying no probs we can all go out somewhere etc etc...

 

Dint think I was smothering her, maybe I am.

[vesper]

Some people are just super busy, but I believe that they should make time for their friends. I would suggest making very fun & quick plans like grabbing a coffee together, meeting for lunch, or taking the kids for icecream. Maybe something that will only require one hour won't seem so daunting....If she keeps flaking, you are just going to have to wait for her to call you.

[tylercdurden2004]

I have a friend like that whom I have known for about 11 years. She is a LPN and she is crazy busy. She has flaked out on plans before. What I did about it....I stopped calling her. NC. LOL I have other friends whom were more reliable and had free time to hang out. As far as my friend whom is busy, I let her call me and make the plans instead. Life is too short to chase after other people. Good luck.

 

Yup. Exactly. I have a friend who I have known for 20 years. He is in a relationship and he tends to fall into these big time, pretty much drops everythign for every girl hes been with. When I came back from travelling in November he said "oh I'm so glad you're back, I have someone I can hang out with." Well I found out quickly that I was the one ALWAYS calling, I go back to my home town to visit he never comes out this way. When I suggest we go out he says he has no money, even if I say I will pay, and then he will tell me him and SO are going out for dinner. Didnt he just tell me he had no money? In talking with a few other friends they have seen the same thing. I think after a point you just have to step back and like Kell said go NC. And yeah there really is no point in chasing people down. If they wanna hang out then they will find time. It doesnt have to be every week but certainly once a month for coffee could not be too much to ask for?