The_Vacancy Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 Something I just chucked up, it is an early draft, so don't expect anything great. ***** This coffee was for the ten hours - Ten hours that I waited Ten hours I died Ten hours I wasted I remember - You used to sing Sing me love as a song But those words don't mean a thing Your words were all wrong Love for you is death for me And death for me is pleasure for you Ten hours I waited is - Ten hours I wasted And you think I love - I love your cute games The innocent mind you play Won't leave blood steins (Not today) And you don't know how much How much I've been dying - Dying to bring you down To catch you crying To see you out of your own game To see you falling I want to feel your pain To see you crawling My time means nothing 'Cause ten hours I waited is - Ten hours I wasted I shouldn't have believed in you ***** Thankies, any comments appreciated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phoenix69 Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 Very Cool! Maybe a little bit TOO abstract, but obviously since you wrote it, you know the hidden meanings behind all those abstractions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neva_black_n_white Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 wow.. indeed that does sum it up in one word.. i was proper indeedly gripped.. havent felt like that for a poem in ages! that was really.. quite amazing.. id be proud of it anyway! without soudning at all patronizing.. well done *smiles* neva Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Vacancy Posted May 2, 2006 Author Share Posted May 2, 2006 Thanks Neva and Phoenix. And I am sorry it might be a bit abstract, all of my drafts are. Once I neaten it up it should all bind and become alot easier to read and understand. Neva, I am glad it was such a gripping poem, I don't get people saying that too often about my writing so I appreciate it. Thanks again for the comments. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnotherBrokenDoll Posted May 2, 2006 Share Posted May 2, 2006 I really liked it! Thanx for sharing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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