Spugly Fuglet Posted April 30, 2006 Share Posted April 30, 2006 There was a boy Who was there before I met her. He Walked woods warm summers from heat. There dreaming of the futures he may meet I looked for the boy Who was there before her words. Trying to guess futures roots and ways He had dreams of how to spend his adult days I found the boy Who weeps not for her loss For hart brake he dos not fear For her he will never shed a tear. I meet a boy There in summers past Who was me once long ago. He smiles and asks how will life go?. And I found a man Who's sorrow was deep I showed him what he had forgot. Where dreams lie and where not. ©InSightFull.ltd Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AntiLove_SuperStar Posted April 30, 2006 Share Posted April 30, 2006 That was rather good, I think the chronological aspect really appealed to me..nice one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spugly Fuglet Posted April 30, 2006 Author Share Posted April 30, 2006 Thank you AntiLove_SuperStar Today is a good day Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blueangel Posted May 2, 2006 Share Posted May 2, 2006 The last line should be "And that he was not complete." It seemed... it didn't flow. Like you were filtering your feelings too much so it just didn't flow right. It was too controlled. Just write what's true. It doesn't matter if it's like what it should be. What matters is it's YOU. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spugly Fuglet Posted May 4, 2006 Author Share Posted May 4, 2006 Have a look at my new poem Blueangel tell me what you think. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnotherBrokenDoll Posted May 6, 2006 Share Posted May 6, 2006 Lovely poem. You could feel the emotions you pu into it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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