Can't control my emotions with my boyfriend...

[xmrth]

That doesn't even sound like me at all, except yeah weekends bothered me for a while but I've been over that-- I just want them to be perfect now. It was hard for a while to think that was okay. Then I realize maybe that's not good and appreciate my time away from him to DO my own things. And I've had "our weekend" nights where I've seen my friends and he's seen his. It's not all the time but I'd say we're due for another, maybe next weekend if my friends want to get away from THEIR boyfriends.

He definitely includes me in his life more now than ever before, and I have the fact that I stopped bothering him about every stupid thing to thank for that.

I can't help that I don't have a job while I'm in my semester. I couldn't give any hours because I'm on campus 12+ hours a day at times. For a while I wanted to avoid working weekends to be with him, but that's so stupid as I've realized it's probably a good thing to not be around every weekend for him anyway. Plus that's unrealistic because I've had a hard time finding places who don't want work on the weekends and my solution to that is aim for someplace a little more fun, and a LOT of those thoughts were due to my anxieties and my inability to do things separate from him. I still feel a little down to be away, but once the night starts, it's fun times and I just think of that. I definitely have my own life, my own friends, and all of that. More now than before, and that is a big point to make. More than before.

I don't know what I keep posting over and over.. I used to more before recent months because I was so anxious all the time, and got a lot of help from my therapist. It's been over a month now since we've even talked about my anxieties because there's nothing to talk about-- we just talk about the final month of semester stress, and other annoyances.

I didn't think he wanted to get out if he says he's happy, but he definitely gets aggravated when I cry that we didn't have such a nice time one night or another.

 

I don't really know what else I'm doing that needs to change or that is wrong... I thought I had made positive changes and I've been happy for a while now, but I mean yes I get upset if our time isn't perfect... which is what I came for advice on.

 

I guess I feel like there's "relationship rules" I'm not following sometimes, or something. So that would explain wanting to make sure this or that is right, like in this post.

 

Martha

[the yang to the worlds yin]

Anyone that gets angry when their partner cries either has issues or is not happy in the relationship Martha.

[ElektraHere]

Martha you are not seeing it because you are in denial about things. The others and I could talk till we were blue in the face and you still wouldnt get it.

If everything were on the up and up there would be no need to post. So continue with the excuses, the denials, the irrationality. It seems that is what you like more than a healthy and happy relationship.

[xmrth]

So, every single person on this forum is in denial, is making excuses, and is completely unhappy? You can say that about anything-- only use it if it's bad or good-- those kinds of things.

 

I have nothing else to say. I'm in college, and I've got work to do and I'm getting back to it. I don't have anything to prove to the internet, but it would have been nice to know that I could post again in the future if I wanted to, but my relationship will just be branded unhappy, me: in denial, and whatever else. I've said all I can say, and that sucks that I have to deal with this. It really does. I thought I could come here just to talk about whatever I'd like to, but then I get attacked.

 

You can stop talking to me now, because I'm all done with this. You know me so well, remember?

[ElektraHere]

Yes and you will be back. Go back and reread all your past posts. Perhaps then you will see what we all see. Temper tantrums and guilt trips does not get a person anywhere.

 

Good Luck to you!

[xmrth]

All of my past posts, which are no longer issues anymore, which is explained in my response to your list. I think you were upset to hear that I'm doing pretty well. Because otherwise how would that have provoked a response as "you're in denial"?

 

I'm in denial because I am a better person than even a couple of months ago. Makes a lot of sense.

[ElektraHere]

Like I said before temper tantrums will not get you anywhere here, in your relationship, or with your own life.

 

Good Luck Martha.

[xmrth]

Neither does acting like you know everything.

 

And this is far from a temper tantrum, you should know that.

[xmrth]

You know, throughout this thread I really felt like you're this lady who's just on here to give people a hard time. I'll be honest, I've only seen one of your posts up to this point, but I decided to give your profile a look and see other things you've posted.

I'm not trying to say you have issues-- not at all, but like many people, you have your own concerns and things like that going on.

 

So then why do I sound so crazy to you? You make me feel like I must be so helpless, and the line is definitely blurred between what I know for sure, and what I may just seem like on the internet. Do you know what I mean?

[ElektraHere]

Martha I am not here to judge or argue with you or others. Take it or leave it is all I can say. It's not just me telling you one thing its everyone who answers your post.

Enough Martha ok.

[xmrth]

Then why do YOU post? Honestly? You can't complain if you're the one who continues to comment. Please refrain from commenting to anything else I post or say. You don't know what you're talking about, and so why should I listen? I correct you because you're wrong, and I get told I'm this or that. So refrain from hereon out. You've never been a help to me, just an annoyance.

[melrich]

Hi Martha,

 

I know you do tend to get beaten up every time you post here. I know you don't like it.

 

But read what you posted to start this thread,

 

 

 

You cannot blame other members for pointing out to you that things in your relationship simply do not jell. You can proclaim that things no longer worry you, that you are happy etc etc but then you write something like this.

 

So you can hopefully understand the members confusion and occasional frustration. But if they didn't all care about you they would not waste any emotion on you.

[xmrth]

I feel when looking back at that night, I was antagonizing a lot of it and blowing it out of proportion. It's what I have done a lot with him in the recent past. And when I cry, in the moment, I feel like I have every right to act the way I do, when in reality, I go off the handle. I didn't even mention the fact in the thread that I yelled at him in a way i've never yelled at him before throughout our almost 7 year relationship... which got him thinking there was something wrong with me (pointing at him in the face, my voice getting weak, "you just don't understand it, it's not this horrible thing!") because I'm just off the edge with not knowing how to calm down and think, hey not a big deal. He was all for going out with me somewhere that night, but because of me acting that way, he wasn't in the mood.. and that just made me want to cry harder. The next day was fine and then all hell breaks loose on here when I said that.

 

I think what bothers me the most is that a lot of old things get brought into some of my posts, which are not only dealt with already but are brought up inaccurately. And then the nature of the threads change (example: at the beginning of this, I got perfect advice which was so helpful to me because people were answering to exactly what I wrote, not some posts that are brought up inaccurately and also without knowing what's happened in between. Then it's all about THAT)

 

I mean, for the record. I'm not the girl I used to be, at all. I no longer have anxiety. I saw my therapist faithfully, weekly to every-other week since September, was a perfect candidate for medication and fully avoided it. I got so much help on here, too though. I looked at it like cognitive behavioral therapy, which was the continuous talk of logic, which is also what my therapist and I did. We haven't had to even talk about anxiety since over a month ago. I don't even know what to talk to her when I see her tomorrow except "how can I calm down?"

 

Ever since I changed, he changed even more. I would like to say things are almost entirely different. All this mess I've posted in the past was almost entirely fueled by my anxieties and he's entirely different towards me ever since I got over them. In every area.

 

And to be set back because I get so upset over stupid things, that in the heat of it he says it drains him. What a blow to what I've accomplished, of course I got so upset. I was doing so good. I mean he was all saying "I just want the crying to stop" when the heat has gone down but I'm smart enough to know that doesn't mean I can just keep doing it... and I came for advice and it goes waaay off track.

[melrich]

That's all great Martha. I am really pleased that you are feeling better about things.

 

Just try and remember that the posters here will never know as much about the detail of the situation or your own feelings as you do. They can only advise on the words that are written here. So try and keep some context around that.

[meli]

you seem like you need help... I think you should talk with a professional about your behavior and why you would have such a breakdown over nothing... there has to be some deeper issue here and instead of dealing with it your making issues that are really nothing extreme breakdowns instead. What do you think is really the issue with him??? Maybe he isnt there for you enough emotionally and you need to have more special intimate time together so you feel important..?????

what do you think?

[xmrth]

I think the whole thread needs to be deleted haha, that's what I think.

 

This was probably something I should have only talked about to a friend or just the people who actually know me on here, otherwise I'm just being misunderstood. It doesn't help I wrote down what I felt and made the thread about "me, upset, venting, in the moment still".

 

Thank you anyway... I understand what you're saying, but it doesn't really apply to me though. I think there's too much else needed to be said if I'm to vent. More of the other side, too. My own fault for that maybe, I don't know.

 

I already talked to my therapist about it today and as someone who knows me and my relationship better than I could ever explain on here (weekly, to every-other week sessions since September), who has helped me get over very bad anxiety which is what I go to her for, is a cognitive behavioral therapist, and who also teaches relationship and psychology classes, I have learned and agree that it's not a big deal and I should have been more understanding.

 

I guess an ending to the thread could be what we talked about in part of our session (the other part being things with the end of the semester). It was that even though I felt rejected, there will be times I don't want to be near him either, such as if he had a horrible stomach flu, or in sleeping in the same bed, I may not want to catch that. And to next time take a step back, and "one foot in front of the other" and think before I react, as well as to not set my expectations of a "perfect" time so high because it's unrealistic and I will only continue to feel 'let down' if any little thing goes wrong.

 

Martha