Becoming a Casanova? Natural or Trained?

[aggierocker]

There are some guys already my age that have a girlfriend or have been in many relationships. Were they naturally like this? Or did they go through stages?

 

What factors contribute to being a smooth talker and getting that girl you want?

 

Was I possibly held back socially as a child?

 

1) Physical: I had a horrible lisp and I was short and fat

2) Social: Jehovah's Witness parents = no friends other than the ones in your congregation = old people and babies

3) Culture: Korean mom = no girl friends or girlfriends

4) Environment: kids made fun of me which led me to become shy

 

I'm heavily trying to study into this because I want to be a Casanova.

[Sn0man]

Quit trying to be a casanova, my friend. That's the first thing to keep it from happening. Let things go with the flow. Get up a framework or air about you of confidence. That is key. Confidence in yourself attracts other people. Think of yourself as shy and others will see you as such....catch my drift?

 

Sn0man

[aggierocker]

Right, just sit here, waiting for that true love to appear before my eyes. Sounds romantic, but no action equals no action.

[Sn0man]

Never just sit and wait! Sitting and waiting won't accomplish a darn thing. You've got to get out there, 'put yourself out there' is more the phrase.

 

All i'm saying is that looking down on yourself because of social, family, economic or other issues is not the attitude that interests other people. Being confident, stron willed, opinionated, firm, humorous, friendly and understanding of others DOES attract people.

 

Think well of yourself and others will think well of you. You'd be surprised what can happen when you let those self esteem issues go and just be yourself.

 

Take my word for it. I'm from a broken family, grew up dirt poor, and am mixed in race. I couldn't get a girl to look at me let alone go out with me for the longest time. Now i'm fighting them off!

 

Trust me.

[monsieur]

You ask some very good questions, aggie.... I wonder the same things... I remember when I was young, I was awkward and shy, and remember seeing another kid my age that had 3 or 4 girls as friends and really interested in him. This was in grade 6, and then by the time he was in grade 12 I remember he had a long string of girlfriends...... I never got started, I just felt too shy and never really connected with girls at that young age..... I finally got a girlfriend around grade 12, but it was awkward too, and she wasn't very good to me, taking advantage of me. but I ended up with a number of girlfriends, often falling into relationships when drunk, but it was not easy and I would accept poor quality relationships just because I would take whatever came to me. I am better now, but still nowhere near confident enough to even be a little bit of a casanova.

 

I don't just take what comes to me anymore, but when a girl comes along that I like I often feel really poorly underequipped to woo her and it seems that I expect to fail when I really want a girl. It is a shame, because I know that my deep down personality traits fail me in one of the most important things in life, which is to find a good quality fulfilling relationship.

 

So, I guess to answer your original question, I say that it is a natural ability, and those of us that are shy and awkward never can totally overcome those limitations.

[aggierocker]

Misunderstanding here

1) Physical: I had a horrible lisp and I was short and fat

I have no more lisp. I'm still short, but I have an athletic hot body.

2) Social: Jehovah's Witness parents = no friends other than the ones in your congregation = old people and babies

I don't deal with the religion anymore. I'm in the middle of moving out, going to school, and getting a job.

3) Culture: Korean mom = no girl friends or girlfriends

As stated above, I don't have to deal with her.

4) Environment: kids made fun of me which led me to become shy

I'm not shy anymore, broke it, by becoming hawt. I have plenty of friends.

 

I've put myself out there. I've joined a club I have a passion for. One job I'm working at is full of hot girls. I took a walking class, and I'm the only guy. I have enough chick friends already. I've gotten so involved.

 

So, what now. Sit here and wait?

[Sn0man]

Like I said, sitting and waiting isn't going to do you any good.

 

If there's no longer any problems, then why is there a problem?

 

You have lots of chick friends, ever think of asking any of them out? Have you?

 

Is it perhaps the kind of girl you're looking for? Consider yourself to be 'hawt' so you rule out the ones that don't match up to your expectations? Just a question...

[CarnelianButterfly]

I'm not shy anymore, broke it, by becoming hawt. I have plenty of friends.

 

I've put myself out there. I've joined a club I have a passion for. One job I'm working at is full of hot girls. I took a walking class, and I'm the only guy. I have enough chick friends already. I've gotten so involved.

My question is have you gone from being shy straight over to the arrogant side?

Are you treating women fairly or are you only going for the hot "chicks"?

[aggierocker]

The problem I've had is not knowing how to ask them out, but now that I know HOW exactly.

 

Ways of I've tried(Dating history):

 

1) For prom, w/ flower in hand, at her doorstep. She got the message as being just friends. Kept asking her out(ice cream, fair), we did a lot of stuff together still. Year after, told her my true feelings. That didn't do anything but she still randomly instant messages me on AIM which is annoying.

 

-Some girl walks up to me in the lunch line in high school. Tells me I'm hot and to come sit with her. Did this everyday. Held hands in the hall. She moved away unfortunately.

 

2) Want to show you around town, to this new girl. Called her on saturday, no answer. I said forget it. Later, she had the physical hots for me and groped me. Unfortunately she moved.

 

3) Want to go dancing at this club, to a girl in my class. She was "busy".

 

4) Want to go to the senior formal with you. She was going with friends.

 

5) Want to meet up for coffee on friday, to a girl at work. kept calling out dates after that. then i just blew the excuse away.

 

6) Want to meet up for coffee on friday, to an internet girl. she was busy. blew the excuse away.

 

7) want to go eat this restaurant, to a girl who talked me to at my first job. went partying together. she found me on the internet, on my online xanga thing, and i expressed my love for her. this was my first time!! i was a complete newb.

 

8) Want to go eat this restaurant, and later go do this protest. she had a crush on me, its been a year.

 

Is it normal to get a lot of rejects?

 

I'm not arrogant in person. I can describe myself as random, goofy, confident, carefree, mellow.

 

I choose to keep those girls as friends for many reasons. Girls to just talk to. Girls to just live with. I'm going to live with 2 girls next semester.

[CarnelianButterfly]

Its possible that you just come on way to strong and smother them.

 

It could be you have some personality quirk that isn't very appealing.

 

It could be the women you're choosing are shallow and have no respect for others beyond that of a good time.

 

Pretending to be a player, as a modern day Casanova, who even for all the women he slept with, was dumped by the love of his life. Coincidence, probably not, philandering only result in venereal diseases, which ultimately killed Casanova, no deeper result can come unless your willing to be yourself.

[heloladies21]

There are some naturals (my experience is only about 1% of guys) who really know what they're doing with women and can have success on a massive scale. Otherwise you have to train yourself and learn the skills necessary to succeed. As for your circumstances/upbringing all of it only matters as to where your starting point is from. Anything after that is up to how hard you're willing to work because this is a skill which can be learned like any other. There are a ton of great sites posted on this link, go there and study hard. This is a subject which takes a lot to master.

 

 

[jordan_2]

personally I thnk that you've already had the experience of rejection and a lot of sucessful situations as well...

the fact that your putting yourself out there and at least giving it a shot is more than commendable, girls see that as a confident person (to some degree or another)..

not knowing you personally though, I would say that you should just maybe try to build a relationship with the girls first, maybe more private settings (instead of a club) and just tlak ot them and get to know them so that way you even know whether or not you REALLY truly like them.

 

your "hot" body can only get you so far, remember, your charisma is not as important as your character....don't let the superficial override the sentimental and more "relationship-esque" values in life...

[Sn0man]

Yes, it is very normal to get rejected. Women get alot of advances from alot of jerks on a regular basis, so they tend to do the quick 'what's up with you?' thing with guys. If they like what they see at first glance and they';re nominally impresed, you may have a date. If you do/say/act anything that they may or may not entirely dissaprove of you're out.

 

the facts of life.