Lesbian with Penetration desires?

[ScaredFawn]

:s :S :S :S :S

[Ash]

I would have thought the desire to be with a person of a particular sex is distinct from the way in which you would like to be sexually pleased. I see them as two different things. The fact that you want sex and in that particular way I really don't think would be a statement on your orientation.

 

I would have thought the use of toys is quite common in your type of a relationship. It's not at all uncommon in hetero relationships for example.

[adoracion]

I have heard of lesbians who desired penetration. It sounds like you yearn to be fulfilled sexually. When you're not, your mind just starts running. I would tell you to maybe try it with a man, but it sounds like you have a good thing with your gf outside of the sex. Maybe you should tell your gf how you feel and ask her to try a little harder in that department. Have her use the dildo on you during sex

[ElektraHere]

The only thing I would be concerned with is that you even were horny for your dad. There is something wrong in that area of your life.

[RayKay]

I don't think the fact you enjoy the feeling of penetration means you have to be with men whom you are not even attracted too! There is nothing wrong with incorporating toys into sexual play and pleasure.

 

You can experiment with dildo's, vibrators, strap-ons and still be with a girl! I am surprised you don't experiment more with these things as is, as Ash pointed out even hetero relationships you can find couples whom have a stash of toys at hand!

 

Of course it is normal to want penetration, for physical pleasure, but we fall in love with a whole person, not just for their genitals, right?

 

Also, give yourself time. Coming off the pill is a huge change and your libido and emotions are almost bound to be all over the place! I am going through the same.

 

 

in my mind men are horndogs and would satisfy my desires

 

All I can say to that is "ha"! There is more to satisfying one's desires then having a penis.

[RayKay]

The only thing I would be concerned with is that you even were horny for your dad. There is something wrong in that area of your life.

 

Um, I think she said they had a hard relationship - as in father-daughter relationship, not that she was horny for him.

[ScaredFawn]

Well the use of a strap-on worries me because I feel like wanting her in that way would make me straight, her would make me not accept her like she is, which is a woman. Also how can you use a fake penis and not wonder or want the real thing? If a woman is highly sexual than wouldnt she enjoy any type of sexuality whatever the gender of the person is?

[Sylph]

Have you not explored the possbility that you might be bisexual?

 

I always fail to understand why people think you're either heterosexual or homosexual.

 

But to be honest it sounds just like lust to me. The fact that you want penetrative sex of some kind is perfectly normal, people's sexual preferances and desires change over time. You might find that this is just a phase that'll go away after time but I wouldn't be worried if it didn't, as I said it's not a sign to leave your partner. All in all if you're really that worried about the situation then I suggest talking to your partner about it, it's obviously important to you and who better to talk to it about?

[ScaredFawn]

RayKay, thank you for your reply. Thanks for understanding that coming off the pill IS in fact a big deal! I think this is a major factor in all this mess I am going through and nobody ever really think it would be. You said you are surprised I dont experiment more in that aspect... well the thing is, my gf has a WHOLE LOT of issues concerning her sexuality. She has been drugged and raped twice, by a man when she was 15, and by a woman at 17, and she has been sexually harassed at school also, so I dont know how to deal with all that sometimes... She is trying to change her behaviors with me as she realizes she could lose me... like she used to litteraly protect her breasts and vagina when I would give her a massage and not want to kiss with me for fear it would lead to anything sexual. Also anytime we would end up having sex she would rub herself on me with her clothes on and orgasm and as soon as she would it would be over and there would be nothing in it for me, which led me to crave a man, for the reason that for him to have pleasure he would have to "use" me at the same time. You know? One time we used a strap on and it scared the * * * * out of me that I felt satisfied with it cause wouldnt that mean Im straight or something? I am also very surprised straight couples would use sex toys! Thnaks for the reply!

[RayKay]

Hey Fawn,

 

I am sending you via your email the link to a site where I found tons of great information about the side effects of not just being ON birth control, but coming off of it too. It has helped me tremendously. So check your email in a little while!

 

Has she ever gotten therapy for her past trauma - that is stuff that can live with you a long time and is hard to overcome on your own.

 

Just because you are lesbian does not mean you do not still have areas of stimulation that are reached with the use of penetration, ya know! And sure straight couples use toys, it's a way to add spice and fun

 

RayKay

[ElektraHere]

This is what I would be concerned with....

 

I even felt desire for my own father who I always thought was repulsive! Then one day my girlfriend had good sex with me, for the maybe fourth time in 2 years, and my fears started disappearing as I realized it was possible to be sexually satisfied by a woman.

[ScaredFawn]

Have you not explored the possbility that you might be bisexual?

 

I always fail to understand why people think you're either heterosexual or homosexual.

 

But to be honest it sounds just like lust to me. The fact that you want penetrative sex of some kind is perfectly normal, people's sexual preferances and desires change over time. You might find that this is just a phase that'll go away after time but I wouldn't be worried if it didn't, as I said it's not a sign to leave your partner. All in all if you're really that worried about the situation then I suggest talking to your partner about it, it's obviously important to you and who better to talk to it about?

 

 

Well Ive had an astrologist tell me I was bisexual. lol...

I mean I could be, but I dont want to be, I always identified as a lesbian you know? And if I was wouldnt it be so much easier to be with a man????? I wouldnt have to deal with the prejudice, with having to hide my relationship in public, losing people who cant accept me, having to pretty much put an X on having children, complicating my sex life, and so on. Thats a big reason why I dont want to be bi, because I dont know if I could stay with my gf, whom I love of course, but it's hard sometimes being a lesbian. You know? Also I did talk a lot to my gf about it... Theres not much she could do tho... She didnt want to agree to finding me a guy to experiment with when I really wanted answers lol...

[ScaredFawn]

Ok the whole deal with me saying I was sexually attracted to my father was just to prove that I was only attracted to men because of their penis and probably not that I was straight because I was desired anywalking thing who had a penis whether they were 600 pounds, were 13 years old, 85 years old, was related to me and so on. I wouldnt act on it at all, and it probably wasnt very serious, but I envied whoever they would have sex with. You know? Its not litterally Im dying to have sex with my father!

[Ash]

In general, you are very likely experiencing a hormone shift due to your age. Women tend to have an increase as they age up to a certain point, so that part is not a big surprise. Many women in their teens are not as interested in sex as they are as they become older.

 

Also, heterosexual or homosexual there needs to be a compatibility on a sexual level. If you want sex far more than the four times in two years that you've had good sex (as you put it) and your partner is happy with the way things are this could be an issue all of itself. You'll never be truly happy until there is roughly an equivalent desire for sex from both of you.

[ScaredFawn]

Hey Fawn,

 

I am sending you via your email the link to a site where I found tons of great information about the side effects of not just being ON birth control, but coming off of it too. It has helped me tremendously. So check your email in a little while!

 

Has she ever gotten therapy for her past trauma - that is stuff that can live with you a long time and is hard to overcome on your own.

 

Just because you are lesbian does not mean you do not still have areas of stimulation that are reached with the use of penetration, ya know! And sure straight couples use toys, it's a way to add spice and fun

 

RayKay

Hey, thanks so much for your concern and desire to help me! I will check my email... Ive tried finding info about what its like coming off the pill but it's hard! It's not talked about!!!!! My hormones are a total mess and I think they're playing tricks on my mind, but nobody can tell me, thats perfectly normal. Thing is its been 6 months and Ive been the same as before until now, but my doctor said it could take 6 months for my hormones to rebalance and its coincidental that at 6 months Im suddenly a total mess eh?

About my gf's trauma, well I always wanted her to have therapy but she says it wont help her. I highly doubt it wouldnt... Shes been scarred a lot. She thinks if she gives me sex I'll leave her. Because everyone always used her sexually... Thats very sad. Im afraid that now she'll only try to please me so that I dont leave her, I'd like her to have a healthy sexuality but I dont know how to help her. She only remembers bits and parts of the rape with the guy because of the drugs, and with the girl she was knocked out for 3 hours and only remember waking up to the girl eating her out which she would have never let her do if she'd been conscious cause she was very self conscious of her body and she'd never went that far with a girl before. So I dont know how to convince her to go into therapy

[AzureSkyes69]

I happen to be bisexual but much perfer the companinonship of another female in a relationship and sexually.

I have used sexual toys for penetration.Just because you penetrate her does not mean you want a guy.To me what I do in bed with a woman does not define me as being straight,gay..etc..

I enjoy another female on all levels & in many ways and that includes sexually as well.So just because you enjoy penatration does not mean your straight.As yourself questions.Who do I prefer sexually and to see nude? Who do I feel gives me more pleasure and do I feel most comfortable with?

I know that's how I discovered who I am,some of my friends still call me confused..I brush that off.

But I consider myself Bi but I lean more towards being a lesbian if that makes any sense.I also could see spending my life with another woman.

 

Hope I helped even a little bit.

 

As for what your gf went through that must have been horrifing for her.I guess all you can do if she does not want professional help is to reassure her you will always be there for her and that you really care about her and if she needs to talk or anything your there for her.

[RayKay]

In general, you are very likely experiencing a hormone shift due to your age. Women tend to have an increase as they age up to a certain point, so that part is not a big surprise. Many women in their teens are not as interested in sex as they are as they become older.

 

It's also very likely possible due to her coming off hormonal birth control.

 

Taking hormones for years causes your own endocrine system to go into hibernation. When you stop the hormones, it goes nuts, wondering where it's supply has gone and has to ramp up again. It can cause chaos

 

People often say the hormones leave your body quickly after you stop the pill, but that is exactly the problem as it leaves your OWN body in a furious struggle to adjust itself again!

 

Also, the birth control pill is linked to causing a very low or absent libido in MANY women, so now that she has gone OFF the hormonal birth control pill, her body is returning to what it is SUPPOSED to be and her libido is coming back.

[BellaDonna]

Well the use of a strap-on worries me because I feel like wanting her in that way would make me straight, her would make me not accept her like she is, which is a woman

 

I think you are really reading too deeply into it. Have asked her if she'd be interested in toys? She might enjoy them too...

 

I think you should explore what you like, and worry less about which label it would fall under.

 

You are attracted to women, but that automatically does not make you no longer have a g-spot or nerve endings in your vagina.

 

I'm not a lesbian- but I have friends who are. I don't think enjoying toys/penetration would change your sexuality or mean you no longer like women. (Just think it's almost the equivalent of saying that heterosexual women in theory should not enjoy oral sex and would only enjoy penetration)

 

I think you should talk to your GF about your desire to introduce toys and see her take on it. Give it a chance. It might be better than you think.

 

BellaDonna

[itsallgrand]

ScaredFawn,

Hi How old are you, out of curiosity?

 

First things first: No no no, it is not easier being with a man!! Lord No! Sure, there is less judgement overall in the social regard, but within the relationship it is just as complicated and confusing Love and know ourselves ain't ever easy.

 

In my teen years I fell in love with a woman first, and yet still was attracted to men. I went through my own little identity crisis concerning my sexuality. Wasn't sure if I was a lesbian, or straight, or what.

I now identify myself as bisexual bc it is the closest 'fit' when people ask.

However, we're all very unique in our sexuality. We don't have to 'fit' into ideas of this-that-or-the-other.

Those are just social labels for convience and frankly, stereotyping.

 

You are in love with your gf and are attracted to her. The way I see it is; that is what matters. You are devoted to her, happy with her, so this other stuff is merely about you figuring out about your lovely sexual desires. You can share that with her: toys, fingers, whatever you two feel comfortable doing. The point is: it's dangerous territory to start hiding or disregarding parts of ourself bc it cause complications.

 

Any partner you choose should be able to be comfortable with who you are and what you enjoy. There is always comprimises, but not of ourselves.

 

RayKay and others brought up some very good points and info.

 

Going to talk to a professional is something to consider: bc of the past with your father, and to sort out some of the confusion.

 

I think it is natural to be attracted to all sorts of people - with penis or not. lol. Our human sexuality is complex and beautiful. It doesn't listen to what our minds and other people say 'is right' or fits for them. I'm bias tho

 

It's about love and happiness. If you find that you need answers and want to explore being with a man, that is something to consider and to discuss with your girl.

 

good luck.