Getting out of the friendship trap

[Meiso]

I thought I would pose a question to you all based on some of my earlier postings. If an individual in a very close friendship is determined to move things to the next level, what's the best way to do so? I've heard people say "Next time she asks if you want to go to dinner, you say sure, but if we go, it's not as buds, it's going to be a date". On the other hand, I've heard girls say "Well, if you're placing conditions on the friendship that means you only want a piece". I believe a guy can truly be in a friendship with a girl, but not be able to settle for it. I don't think that has to mean it was all about getting her in bed. Does anyone have any opinions on this, and suggestions on the best way to get the ball rolling?

[Happy_Go_Lucky_Heb]

It's really up 2 u Meiso but let me lay the cards out on the table. How do u kno that's what she wants? maybe she really liked it as friends... If u really wanted 2 tell her now then just do it straight up i hate all the "o sure.. but we're not going as friends" cheesy crap.

 

U gotta take in mind that.. if u're friendship bond ain't that close right now there's a high chance that if she rejects u.. u might not b friends again. I'd say develop the friendship (agree wif Swingfox) coz that'll give u a chance to kno who she is even more and hav a steady foundatation already b4 heading into the next stage.

 

Happy Heb

[glassbell]

Also, I think it is good to realize beforehand that if you decide to tell her upfront that you have started to like her in a different way than just friendship, the following might happen. It is just a possibility you might want to consider before you take the decision to tell her you want to really date her.

 

She might feel 'disappointed' in a way. I remember when I was in her position, and a close friend suddenly turned out to feel more than friendship for me, I suddenly felt sad! The friendship, which had been so comfortable and safe for me, suddenly was not so 'safe' anymore. Although till today we've been trying to stay friends, we just do not feel comfortable anymore. Like.. he constantly needs to proove that he also appreciates me as just a friend, and I feel I have to be careful with him not to hurt him or give him hope.. It's quite exhausting, and such a pity!

 

It is merely ONE possibility, and her reaction might be completely opposite and besides.. I can understand very well that you just want to tell her the truth, no matter what reaction you'll get. I wish you good luck

 

~Glassbell

[Mustang]

My advice is to just go out together and see how it develops. You don't want to come accross as being really forward. It's going to be shocking for her and I think it's best if you take her out somewhere really nice and maybe give hints to her.

 

For example, go somewhere that you normally go so it doesn't seem "full on" or intimidatiing for either of you. When you're out just maybe flirt a lot more than you already do, or just test the water. Casually ask her whether she's interested in anyone and leave her guessing.

 

You might find she likes you. These things take time. I've rushed into relationships before and those are the ones that end in tears. Being friends first is a good thing. Be patient with it. Don't go running in. It will probably scare her off.

 

Just try to let it evolve naturally. You can't force things, but you can certainly try to tweak things up a bit.