what did I get myself into?

[shorty20]

wow. So I've been posting alot of threads latley about my Cali boy. I haven't talked to him since Monday. We got in a fight and then he had his wisdom teeth pulled on tuesday and had told me before that it'd probably be a few days before he could call since he'd be recoverying in his room adn he dosne't get cell phone reception there. It's been 5 days now though! I don't know what to do! The last time we talked was not a good conversation and we both hung up angry. So my girlfriend is in town from Cali for the weekend and we went out last night for her 21st birthday. I just kept getting handed shot after shot and got completley hammered. Me, my girlfriend, her fiance and his friend came back to my place to drink a little more and watch a movie. My friend and her fiance ended up passing out, and his friend totally took advantage of the situation. Some things happened that totally disgusted me this morning when I woke up and remembered what I did last night! I mean, do I even have a right to be mad at this guy that took advantage of a situation, because I am a big girl and have a mind of my own... it's just that I know for a fact that he wasn't drunk, and that he KNEW i was. So anywayz, no I don't know what to do. I drunk dialed my boy last night (of course I'd have to do that) but he didn't answer. I just left a quick message saying I was just seeing how he was doing after his surgury and stuff. But am I obligated to tell him what happened last night? We never gave our relationship a title, and he told me before that "if you ever found some other guy there I would be very sad" but we never defined the exclusivity of our relationship, it was just sort of a known I don't date more than one person at a time. I'm not interested in this guy from last night at all, and if he comes out with us tonight I deffinatley plan on taking him aside and clearing things up so he dosen't think I'm leading him on or giving him mixed signals.... god, what a mess! I don't knwo if I really have a right to be mad at this guy from last night, adn I don't know what to do about my boy... if I should tell him... if I should even call him again or what!

[ElektraHere]

Well first off I think you are overeacting to your b/f not getting in touch with you. LDR's are very tough and they only survive when there is total honesty and trust. You have broken that now. You didnt trust that your b/f would call and then you broke that trust by doing whatever it is you did last night. So then that brings in the honesty factor you have now broken that too.

 

I am sorry but when people say that they were drunk and that is their excuse for actions they did is B.S. I could sympathize if you were slipped something in your drink but you drank those shots.

Alcohol lets the inhabitions fall to the way side and so we may have a little sliver of "this isnt right" but we go ahead and do it anyways.

Even at my drunkest I may not remember everything I say but I do remember when it comes to my body and hooking up with another.

That is a poor excuse and just like Belmontboy said you are obviously not happy or satisfied in this current relationship.

[SilverManic]

I hate to say it but you need to tell him. Lieing is wrong, it's not nice and although at some point in our life we all do, it's always best to be as honest as possible. Being drunk isn't a good excuse yeah we do things we don't nessisarlly mean or remember. But weather it's something nasty we say or something like cheating a) you shouldn't let yourself get in such a state that you would impair you sense of judgement. b) if you really loved the guy then you wouldn't be off cheating with someone else if you were drunk or not.

 

I'm sorry but I tend to be honest in my answers and cheating is um.. wrong so you need to own up to the fact that you've done wrong.

 

~S.

[kellbell]

Shorty,

 

I am sorry to say that this relationship is over before it really began. It started off real strong and burned out quickly. I have learned in the past to take things slow in the beginning and really get aquainted with the person. That way the fire keeps burning so to speak. Metaphorically speaking, if you start a fire with all the logs you have, the fire will burn hot and intense but when the fire dies out, you will have no logs left to keep the fire going. Ok...I will stop with the Shakespeare talk. LOL Seriously, I think this relationship was pure infactuation and that usually does not last.

 

Something was missing from this relatiosnhip, a very big piece and you goofed up. Big time. I would call this guy and tell him it was not meant to be, you goofed and go your separate ways. Like ElektraHere pointed out, alcohol should not be even included in the equation. You have to be responsible for your actions and you did put yourself in very compromising situation. Take this a lesson learned. I am sorry things did not work out but this relationship, I am afraid to say, was doomed from the start. Take care and be safe.

[shorty20]

well then, it's easy to see what you all think here. honestly, I know alcohol isn't an excuse, but I was just sick of being sad about him. I'm not overreacting about him not calling. I've thought long and hard about it, and 4 days is MORE than enough to get over getting your wisdom teeth pulled, let alone it's been 7 days now since I've talked to him... I can't believe that in 7 days he hasn't had 5 minutes to make a phone call... I just had to get him out of my head, and alcohol was the only way I knew how to do that. I don't consider what I did "cheating" on him, because we never even had a title! We were "feeling things out" as he put them... I was nothing but faithfull to him until he started being the shady one. So, i'm in no way condoning my actions, but I don't feel that all the blame is put on me for this... I reacted to his actions (or lack there of) but thanks for the replys.

[shorty20]

umm... I tried to put a title on it. I told him if we didn't have a title things would get confused, and either me or him would be confused where to draw the line when it came to the opposite sex. He said "let's just feel things out right now"... SO, I know what I did was wrong, but i've been trying and trying to get ahold oh him. I know he's there, because it only rings three times and then goes streight to Voicemail. If his phone was off or wasn't in a service area it would either ring the full length or just go streight to voicemail. If he dosen't even want to give me the courtesy of telling me whats going on then why in the hell should I give him the courtesy of my tears, frusteration, heartache and faithfullness? I've been nothing but faithfull to him since day one! Long distance is hard, but it's even harder when I'm the one doing all the work. I just got frusterated and was trying to forget about him. For some reason I feel like I'm being attacked because I made a mistake. I already said that I am in no way condoning my behavior... what I did was wrong, and I know that. I even called the guy the next day to apologize for any misleading I gave him, I still feel a little taken advantage of, but I bit the bullet, did the calling... tried to make things right... as far as the title goes, like I said he's the one that was fighting it. I call him my bf here because it's alot easier and less complicated to say "my boyfriend" then to say " this guy that I'm feeling things out with to see where they go"... make sense? In my mind, he was my boyfriend because up until this past week I didn't think about anyone else, want anyone else, or persue anyone else. I didn't put myself in situations where things could go wrong and I had the upmost respect for our relationship. I just snapped this weekend because I can only give and give and give so much. I'm not a bad person, but I am human and I do occasionally make bad decisions.

[Lady Bugg]

OK....I know I might eat smut for this, but I am leaning toward Shorty's side here. the guy in question has all but told her to go "F" herself with his actions..or lack thereof. Is she really CHEATING on him?? I think that's very debatable...and truthfully his evasive behavior would SERIOUSLY having me questioning HIS faithfulness. Yes she called him her "boyfriend"..because what else should sh call him? "That guy I am talking to sometimes"? Perhaps they should have been more clear on the status of their exlusitivity...but whats done is done. Her "BF" has had MORE than sufficient time to return her phone calls, and he has not. He has had MORE than sufficient time to at LEAST let her know how he is doing..but HAS he??? No. He has chosen to give her the silent treatment....which to ME is just as bad as screaming at me..no..it's worse, because at least when you tell me off I KNOW where I stand. This is the point she is at right now.

 

As for her drinking and the other guy....finger pointing and name calling is not helping her with the issue she came to address. She is human. Personally, I don't think she 'cheated" on this guy. It sounds to ME like he left it opened ended enough to slip out if he so chose to..and I believe that is EXACTLY what he did. In a TRUE coward fashion.

 

I am simply going by the things I have read....

I'm not sitting in judgement. It's not my place.

[shorty20]

and i did... in my latest post I said that I gave him one last call yesturday and left him a message saying I didn't know what I did wrong but that It'd be nice if he could call so I could have some closure. THen I deleted his number from my phone because I don't have it memorized and now I can't call him, so if he calls I might, just might listen to what he has to say... but I'm moving on... I'm done with it, and after I got done being all upset yesturday I talked some sense into myself and realized how many red flags had risen in a matter of two months... it wouldn't have worked out anywayz. Thanks for the help guys!

[Lady Bugg]

Shorty, I'm glad you came to this decision. I agree, too many red flags..in addition to the distance between you guys. I'm sorry things ended up this way..but after only two months..at least you are getting a pretty clear vision of what this guy is REALLY like. Action speaks louder than words..and his has proved that IMO. Don't be hard on yourself. You did what you could do with the situation you had, and really...there's not MUCH more you could have done to make it work. So at least you can leave feeling good that you did all you could do.

 

Best of luck MOVING ON!!!

Enjoy being SINGLE!

[kellbell]

Well, I have to say that I did was not harsh at all to Shorty's post. I really felt the best thing for her to call it quits because he was taking his frustrations out on her.

 

But, in some sense Shorty, although your relationship did not have a title you were comfortable with, you still felt some sense of guilt about what you have done otherwise you would not have posted here, correct? So in that sense, that is where I felt you goofed. But hey, we all make mistakes. I think he made the bigger mistake by not being upfront about things and should have treated you with a little more respect.

 

I truly believe you deserve more. You are a beauitiful young lady (I remember your picture from we posted our holiday pictures). Like Lady Bugg pointed out, enjoy life and enjoy being single chica!

 

(((hugs)))