Employer/Nanny disagreement

[faith30]

I have been a nanny for the same family for about 5 years. Well i get along really well with both of my employers but of course we have had our disagreement about the kids but they usually agree with me on some things. For instance, the kids both have very unhealthy eating habbits and the older one is getting a little heavy. Well both parents also have bad eating habits and i try to explain to them that you have to be a good role model for the kids to start eating healthy. I expressed to them that eating mcdonalds everyday is not a good diet at all! well are starting to try a little! Anyways i had a talk with both of them about he kids having friends over everyday because i dont agree with it. The little girl has a firend over everyday practically and i told both of them that i think its only fair that she plays at their house also. Well one of my employers tells me that she doesnt want her kids at other peoples houses because she cant be there to watch them. Well all of this time over the years i was tleling the kids that they should go to their friends houses to play too and didnt know they felt this way. I began to tell her that i do not agree with keeping them at home everyday because u dont trust them enough or their friends parents enough for them to not go there and i also told her that i dont agree with me watching the little girls friends everyday! thats alot for me to handle! plus, i think thats creating insecure children by not going to other peoples houses for instance, the little boy who has been in therpy because he is afraid to be at other peoples houses and is also afraid to go anywhere without his parents and hes 13 years old! i mean doesnt common sense tell you that your making your kids insecure? i mean for kids that age to not feel safe wherever they go. I mean its one thing if her friends parents werent going to be there and no one was going to be watching them but she is also 15 years old! she isnt a baby! so as of now i dont knw if she is or isnt going to fire me. I disagree with alot of their parenting. I think its good for other kids to see how other kids live in a sense. for them to be inside their own little world doesnt make them grow in a way. Do you guys agree with me or am i the crazy one?

[RandomAdvisor]

I agree with you completely. I think you've made an excellent point, and you were right to point it out. If this woman doesn't want to listen though, you should just let it go before you risk losing your job and create more tension. It must be frustrating for you to have the added responsibility of caring for someone else's child and watching the children of your employers be raised so poorly, but there's only so much you can do (politely give suggestions) and you've already done it. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make 'em drink.

[DN]

The thing is that they are the parents and they have the right to raise their children as they see fit, short of actual abuse. So even if you give tactful advice or express your opinion it is their choice and you should respect that or seek other employment.

 

But I do think you have the right to ask for more money, perhaps on a per diem basis, if you are constantly required to supervise other children.

[SxcLady]

I agree with you aswell. At first I thought you were talking about like two 6yr olds. Their mother is not letting them grow up. Youve done what you can for now. I guess you need to just do what the parents want for now, and until they realise what they are doing. You cant do anything more than you have done. And they cant blame you when they realise what they have done because you have done what you could.

GoodLuck!

Love SL.

[itsallgrand]

At 15 and 13 I am extremely surprised they still have a nanny.

 

Five years is a long time. Perhaps you might start looking for new employment. You can't do much more there, except linger.

 

Those are just my thoughts. They aren't kids anymore.

[CarnelianButterfly]

I understand how you feel, but it does come down to the fact that they are not your children and the final say is ultimately the parents.

 

They really aren't children and that they have a nanny does not bode well to begin with. Maybe you should look for another position and tell them your leaving due to how poorly you feel the children are being raised. It maybe enough of a wake up call for the parents for them to realize what they're doing is not right by the children.

[missbrittanyy]

these people hire you to watch their children. my guess is you know whats best for them, better then their own parents. you're the one who has the baby sit.. other peopls kids when theirs are bringing friends home, i think you should have say in how these children are raised, or the parents should do it their selves

[ocrob]

I think that you would make a great parent coach. Unfortunately, you work for people that see things the way they see them. I am guessing that they are somewhat affluent and don't necessarily value your opinion. They did not hire you to be a consultant and hired you to look after their kids. I respect what you are doing, but am just being honest about how people are. These are probably white collar workers that eat fast food everyday and think they know how to be parents. You are in a no win situation. It is so sad, but true. You probably care about these kids so much, but your values are different than their parents. I guarantee they see success in a different light than you. You are a provider and caretaker, which I see great value in. They see corporate success as worth and they don't really know how to take care of themselves. I would just go with the flow, if you want to keep your job. These are the type of people that will one day hire a professional trainer and nutritionist for the family. They see you as a good caretaker and not a role model. You are right on and would probably be the favorite teacher at a school getting fired for doing what is right. I respect your love and appreciation for the kids, but the parents will not change by what you say. I am not saying they disrespect you, but probably don't value your opinion in raising their children. I say that you should just deal with it and do your job or somehow refer them to a health and food expert. It sounds to me that you don't care about being right, but want the best for the kids. My idea is to somehow introduce them to an expert in the field of nutrition and I bet it will work. I am sure they respect you a lot, but not in that capacity. These sound like type A white collar people. They want a specialist and are also ignorant enough not to think of you as a seasoned professional. If you really care about these kids and wnat to keep your job, then e-mail me and we can brainstorm. I don't know anything you don't, but I know how to sell and might help.

 

Take care,

 

ocrob

[DN]

You should also bear in mind that if and when you leave their employment you will need references from them if you want to continue being a nanny and maybe you will still need them if you want to try something different. So I think you should be careful how you speak to them.

[shyanne]

i agree they should beable to if they wish at that age

[itsallgrand]

DN: that's a good point, indeed.

That is what is so tricky about being in any care position; such as a nanny.

Your reputation, references, and past experience are your most important assets in finding employment.

 

Whatever you do: stay or leave, you want to be able to walk away in the end on good terms.

If further resentment or bad feelings are going to grow; this is when i would take a gracious leave.

Give them plenty of time to make arrangements on their end, or to work out the changes necessary in order for you to stay.

 

good luck.