Giving up on an old love. Starting new.

[byates5637]

Me and the girl i dated were together for 3 years. At times we thought we would be together until death. I was her first true love. She was my second love...but means far more to me then the first does.

 

She broke up with me 2 months ago because she no longer "felt the flame." She said she felt her feelings for me slipping so she had to end it. She still loves me with all of her heart and cares for me much more then anyone outside of her family. She wanted to be "best friends" after we broke up. She still wanted to be close, but she was no longer in love with me.

 

For the last 2 months i have tried everything i could to get her back. Cycles of NC and breaking NC. Playing hard to get. Making her jelous. Having heart to heart conversations and telling her how much i love and care about her. We talked about the past, what went wrong and how we could fix it. I tried it all and none of it worked. We tried the "best friend" thing. We would spend whole days together. We would go out to dinner and bars. Sometimes we would cuddle and massage each other. But bottom line - I was still head over heals in love with her and she just didn't feel as strongly about me as she used too - she didn't want to get back together and it broke my heart every day.

 

Yesterday we had a talk on the phone and she suggested we don't talk for a while. She said she cares about me too much to keep hurting me like this, and she wants to see me be happy again. I agreed that it was a good idea to no longer talk. She said she would call me in a month. I told her not to bother calling. I told her to only ever call me again if it is because she regrets breaking up and wants to try again. I told her i will only ever call her if i am over her and want to try a friendship, but i also told her i don't think we will EVER be able to be friends. It was a very bitter sweet conversation. I know she cares about me so much, and it hurts her almost as much as it hurts me to let go. But we both know it has to happen.

 

She will be going away to school 600 miles away in 4 months. I will be moving to school too, but i'm only moving 30 miles away. So in a way our relationship had to end anyway. We both are starting a new chapter in our lives and closing an old one. I feel happy for both of us, but sad it had to turn out like this. I worry about her moving so far away by herself because she has never left the comfort of her parents home yet. But she is strong and i know she will be OK. When i asked her why she had to go so far away to school her reply was "Sometimes I am just so scared about change that i have to change drastically to get over my fear" I wonder if this applies to our relationship too...

 

Yesterday was the first day since we broke up 2 months ago that i have really been able to give up hope of getting back together and accept what is happening. I know in time i will feel better. Right now I am faced with a bad case of dating anxiety, and feel like i will be unable to meet someone new. I am not looking to jump into a relationship right now - but i need to get my women attracting skills back. I hope this comes with time as well.

 

In hindsight I realize that my relationship with her was far better then my relationship with the first girl i loved. I hope i learn from this relationship so I can make my 3rd one better then the rest. From my first relationship I learned what type of girls to not date (manipulative, decietful.)

 

From my second relationship i learned what I have to do to make a women feel good and keep her around. I kind of sabatoged my relationship with my ex...I broke up with her 3 times because of commitment problems/thinking she would always be there for me when i wanted her back. Last time I broke up with her was last summer. She took me back after 2 months of me proving I changed. I did change and i treated her with the utmost respect and love since then...but things have never been the same since last summer. I will never do this to a girl i love again.

 

And so today, day 1 of NC, i become a new man. Slowly but surely I am moving on and entering a new stage in my life. And while i have given up all hope of a reconciliation in the near future, i still do hope that years down the road, after we are both healed and moved on, and we are both older and ready for commitment, me and my ex can find each other again and spend eternity together. But i am not waiting for this. I am moving on and living for me. Starting today.

[Lady Bugg]

Byates....that is a very positive and mature outlook. I am definetly rooting for you to make it. Keep that outlook and you will exceed whatever you set out to do. It really IS mind over matter.

 

Best in all to you!!

[Alabama]

Good, it sounds like you've learned from your past and are truly read to move forward! Good luck!

[Relationship Coach]

You're making great progress! Stay strong and dedicated to yourself, you're gonna make it!

 

RC

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Wow..thats inspiring, I got goosepimples reading it. You've really thought about this, I may even print it out to read sometime if I feel low.. good luck.

[byates5637]

You've really thought about this

 

haha, yes i have. I have thought about it WAY too much for the past 2 months. Time to start thinking about other things.

 

Glad i could inspire you. I still have sad lonely depressed times, but lately i notice them fading away and the good times starting to come back.

 

-brandon

[byates5637]

Well it has been about 1.5 weeks of NC. I have done pretty good so far. I Still think about her and feel depressed a few times a day, but it hasn't been taking control of my whole life like it was before. I have replaced most my obsessive thoughts of her with obsessive working out and studying. All in all i felt like i was doing pretty good until today.

 

For some reason today has been very tough. I woke up this morning with vague memories of a dream i just had about being with her. I then went to school and couldn't concentrate in my class at all because i kept thinking about her. I started thinking about running in to her after my class because we are both at school at this time and she walks down the hall right next to my class. I started thinking about how nice the weather was and about how i bet she is wearing something really sexy and guys are hitting on her....bleh! i hate thoughts like this.

 

Then when i got home i started thinking about the other times we broke up and how we got back together. And then i started thinking about my two close friends and how they are both on/off with thier ex. I began wondering why i can't have my ex at all. Maybe she changed her mind or i could play it cool and get close to her? And then i wanted to contact her. It is the first time since i started NC that i really had a strong urge to contact her. But then i remembered all the reasons not too, and i started writing this which is making me feel a little better. So i beat my urge to contact her today....i just hope i can beat the next urge because i fear they are going to keep getting stronger as more time comes between us.

 

I think next time i get a strong urge to contact her, instead i will call my ex-ex who i havn't spoken with in 3 years. That should be interesting...

 

I know i really need to start dating but lately my confidence has been at an all time-low. I used to think i was a great person who everyone should be lucky to know...but this break-up really brought me down. Gotta build myself back up first i guess.