What makes a relationship?

[xmrth]

I honestly would like to know-- what makes a "relationship"?

 

Isn't it about what makes YOU happy while being exclusive with another person?

 

As long as you're content with the relationship, I always thought that was what mattered. But I'm finding that people seem to have this idea of what a relationship is, and if you don't have it, then your relationship is either bad, or non-existing.

 

And I mean things like if your whole life does not revolve around that person and they're not calling you when they get out of the bathroom to let you know they're safe and didn't fall in, then you've got a bad girlfriend or boyfriend on your hands. And it's ... not even something you care about.

 

Anyone ever find themselves in a relationship conversation and it's like... I don't want it like that anyway? Good for you?

[ElektraHere]

Martha

 

Interesting post. I can't imagine you are talking about your relationship are you? Unless you have had some dramatic overhaul in the way you think spending every weekend with your b/f is required?

[xmrth]

No, it's not even that or so much about me in general, and I kind of find the comment a little rude and unnecessary.

 

I just don't understand how people think their relationships are these "model" relationships when there's things in them I certainly do not want and would think others would feel the same. I always thought it was about if you were happy, and not about what someone else prefers.

[ElektraHere]

I guess I am not getting your question Martha? I wasnt trying to be rude just a matter of fact from your previous posts. Because what you are asking is the antithesis of your situation. Is this something that you have been confronted with by people outside your relationship or friends that are saying this?

[xmrth]

It's not really a specific thing, a little bit of the outsiders, and a little bit of wanting to know what to say.

 

I mean for me, I've finally realized so much about relationships and I guess maybe a good point I'll admit is the weekend thing where I'm finally seeing it's not so bad to not see eachother each and every weekend night that comes along (partly because it finally happened-- we had our own thing going on. It was fun to go out and do my own thing and develop more of another friendship) It was painless and beneficial but takes more getting used to.

 

So more of my reasoning behind the thread would be: it's like I'm crazy or my relationship isn't as good as this person or that person's because we're not attached at the hip. And I'll admit, maybe my choice of words of saying "I always thought" is false because to be honest, I used to think things had to be a certain way because it was what I've -seen in other relationships.- But now that I've realized it, it hurts so much to finally be comfortable and happy and learning to balance my own life and a serious relationship for people to be like "he doesn't love you." (not literally, but it's like it feels it's being said or implied) But they know nothing about the relationship and they don't even know me.

 

So it's wanting to be like hey... isn't this about if you're happy? Sorry I don't see my boyfriend every day of the week all day and night long? Sorry I'm trying to get more of a life?

 

I just wanted to add, there's no underlying weird things. I mean if something's terribly wrong I can understand, but it's like me personally, I'm happy, and someone's telling me no you're not.

And this is all stuff I've been helped with over all this time in HERE that finally has clicked. And it's so aggravating...

 

So I'm kind of curious, what can you say to it? Isn't it true as long as you're happy, your relationship doesn't have to be like someone else's?

And that's my reason, but I'm more interested in responses to the original post. I don't mind to this but I didn't want it to get too personal because it's more of a very curious question.

[ElektraHere]

No two relationships are the same. Be it a love relationship, family relationships, or friendships. There is no barometer that measures how great a relationship is. If you feel and the other person in the relationship feel good about it thats all that matters. The only time outsider opinions matter is when it is detremental ie; abuse, living your life through the other, cheating. Thats when one should listen but other than that do what is right for you and the other person.

[Dako]

We all create our own relationships, and comparing to others' is a waste of time. We all want different things from our partners, just as we choose different people. It would bother me to have someone I trust criticizing my relationship. I'd ask them to back off.

 

Now that I think of it, I've done that quite a few times.

[Meow18]

I think a good part of a relationship does have to do with your happiness. Of course that other person can sometimes get on your nerves or do things that you aren't fully happy with, but yes, if you are overall happy with that person, that's a good thing.

 

I also think there are other things to relationships. Trust, commitment, and communication. I think if a relationship has all that, it is a good healthy relationship.

 

Like ElektraHere said, no two relationships are the same. Something you might be looking for or want in a relationship might be completely different from someone else.

[RayKay]

I agree with the posters above - we are all looking for something different, and if you have what works for YOU, whom cares what others say.

 

If it works for you, you are happy together, then there is no point in comparing your relationship to others.

 

However if it's NOT working for you and you know it, it is just as pointless to compare it to others to justify that yours is better. If you aren't happy, then it is better to look at whether there is more to it and that there needs to be some changes, rather then saying "well at least I am not THAT couple over there".

[Cooperstown]

Interesting post and I agree some people think there is only one way to do something. The beauty of life is everyone is different, so everyone is going to have a different point of view on what makes a good relationship. Lifes to short not to be happy so as long as both you and your partner are happy in the relationship that's all that matters. Take a look at married couples that swing for instance, to me that isn't a good relationship, to most people it's not. For them however it works and it makes them happy.

[melrich]

I agree with the other posters, there is no "one" relationship type that suits every one. Each to there own.

 

I've finally realized so much about relationships and I guess maybe a good point I'll admit is the weekend thing where I'm finally seeing it's not so bad to not see eachother each and every weekend night that comes along (partly because it finally happened-- we had our own thing going on.

 

That's great. I hope you are very happy.

 

To Elektrahere's point, there is nothing wrong with your relationship per se. Why you got so much kickback on it was because you didn't seem happy. You posted the same sorts of questions over and over again. That's when people said, "well you are obviously not happy" so our advice is to fix it or get out. It's not about your relationship not being perfect, it was about your reaction to it.

 

If you are happy and you are not being abused and you are being treated with respect then the relationship works....regardless of all the minutae.

[Momene]

I think in general most young people in relationships are more independent that older people like me. I wouldn't feel comfortable with a high degree oif independence and neither would my wife. It's what's right for the people in the relationship and dependents, not outside those it that count.

 

But, yes, my ex wife was too independent and my wife was too clingy for most of the time and it's just a case of balance. It's OK to be joined at the hip if it's what you both want, and it's OK to be very independent too but the probelsm is when you don't want the same things.