girl in class trying to use me for homework

[teacup]

yup. i really believe this girl in class is trying to use me. i gave her my number, i was trying to be friendly, but i dont want to be used! i don't deserve that and i won't let her use me.

 

i felt like she didn't really want to have a conversation with me or get to know me. im not really interested in her either as a person.

 

but she called me up yesterday and told me that while she was studying at the library someone stole her notes for class. she asked if she could photocopy my notes. and i said "okay, which ones?" and she said last tuesday and thursday. then she asked if i could meet her monday, i said i wasnt in school on monday (what? like i should rush to school just to give her my notes?) and she said she could meet me on tuesday and i told her where i would be and she said she would just call me tuesday.

 

but i really dont want to give her my notes now. even though she smiles and says hi and sits next to me in class. i think she lied about having her notes stolen at the library....so, what do i do?

 

how do i respond? i feel angry and would like to just tell her off.

[TheLegend]

well giving her your notes is no big deal if you ask me.. you're not doing anything extra, you're just giving her your notes that you already took, she can take them from someone else. If she's lieing than it'd disturb me but you can't be sure, plus why would she even need to lie.. I don't think it's much of a deal..

[teacup]

i think she's lying. i feel really uncomfortable. i doubt someone would just walk in the library and steal someone's notes. textbook mabe. backpack mabe. calculator mabe. but just notes? makes no sense.

 

i dont want to be used.

[BellaDonna]

I would say since you already told her that you would give her the notes, let her photocopy them this one time (at a time that is convenient for YOU). Then just don't be available the next time she asks.

 

 

 

BellaDonna

[ElektraHere]

Teacup

 

You have some issues that you need to work out. It seems the people you let in your life are using you (the guys you post about). This gal just sounds like a typical classmate. I have done that myself especially if I missed class for the week. I have asked for notes just as others have with me.

If you dont want to give her your notes then dont but no use in getting angry about nothing.

 

Come on use some common sense!

 

I agree with Legend this doesnt seem like a huge problem. With her notes being taken it can happen or perhaps someone came by and threw them away because sometimes notes can look like garbage I know mine do at times. Again if you dont want to give her your notes then don't.

[annie24]

I did that all the time in college and grad school. I agree with elektra, maybe somone just accidentally trashed her notes. or maybe she misplaced them.

 

It's been my experience that this is a "I'll scratch your back if you scratch mine" thing. You let her borrow your notes, and then one day, if you are sick and can't make it to class, she'll let you borrow hers. I photocopied my notes for people all the time - and they always returned the favor. I definitely got through college as a result of teamwork.

 

I don't feel like she's using you. She would be if she wanted the answers to the homework assignment she didn't do.

 

I guess, like bella said, if you don't feel comfortable with it, don't give her your notes in the future.

[Boricua7]

I say, give her the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes stuff happens, you know? If she continues to need your notes then I would put a stop to it. This is the first time she has asked you for your notes, right? It should be the last if she is being honest. If she's not, she will more than likely ask for them again sometime soon. Just don't be available for her the next time she needs your notes. You already committed to letting her photocopy your notes so go through with that. Just don't let her think that she can just miss class and have your notes whenever she wants to.

[teacup]

im in the earlier lecture, and she's in the second. i attend both lectures so i know my notes are very good. and i know she noticed i go to both, she said i must be very hardworking right? i asked her how was her springbreak, tried to chat, it didnt seem like she really wanted to talk or share. but she sits next to me in class and asks me about what the teacher said here, or this other part she missed on the notes etc. and i dont really feel like answering anymore.

 

i mean, nobody wants to be wanted only for their schoolwork right? im starting to feel bad and annoyed.

 

i dont think that im automatically suspicious but im not sure, i have a bad feeling.

[annie24]

why is this such a big deal? if it makes you feel uncomfortable, simply say no and move on.

 

I'm just saying, i don't think she's necessarily using you. so what if she doesn't want to be your best friend? she maybe just wants to keep the chitchat at the school level. and that's fine! when you are absent, she'll give you her notes!

 

In college, I'd always find the "smartest, most studious" people and ask to study with them. because I wanted to pick their brains a little and figure out how they studied. some of us became friends, others didn't, but I always pulled "my part."

 

when you are sick one day, or if you lose your notes, who will you get the notes from?

[renaissancewoman101]

Teacup, I agree with annie24, just keep the door open since you never know when you might need her notes. I was always nice to people in my college classes because you never know when you might need their help or their notes. Plus, it was a good idea to get their take on the class or the subject at hand. Different perspective. Comes in handy when needing new ideas for projects.

[Boricua7]

I do this all of the time. It's part of being in college. I don't think I would be doing nearly as good if I was the only person attending! I ask here and there what the professor said or what he wrote down because I can't read it. It doesn't mean that you are being taken advantage of. You have every right to turn to her and ask her if you could quickly copy something you missed that was taken off of the overhead. I agree with annie24, this is a "if you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours" world. If she were to ask you for something and when you needed something she wasn't willing to help, that would be a different story.

 

I'm not saying that it is ok for people to expect you to lend them your notes everytime. No no no. If someone does this then they really are taking advantage of you and you should not allow that. Someone who is doing their work but wants your help because they know you are responsible and dependable is different from someone who does nothing and expects you to give them your work.

 

It seems to me that you are more aggravated about sharing your work than you are about someone asking you to share it.

 

My point: If this girl is going to class and taking her own notes but wants to see yours because she knows you take good notes and she might've missed something, that's not a bad thing. She is being responsible in making sure that she has everything she needs to do well in the class. If she were skipping class or not taking notes at all and wanted to have your notes that's different. Then she's being irresponsible and using you.

[ElektraHere]

Teacup ~

 

Perhaps you need to focus on why you are so paranoid? This is a fellow student, this is what college is all about. I think that you need to give it a rest and not make such a big deal about this. Like Annie I think stated its all a "Scratch my back, I ll scratch yours." This is so true in college. I know I have been busy in my life outside of class and didnt do the homework my classmate sent me hers so I could get an idea of where to start and was able to pound out a paper. She then needed my notes and I handed them over no questions asked. Sometimes we just need a little help.

[shes2smart]

College was a while ago for me, but from what I remember asking to copy someone's notes was common. I don't see where there's any reason to take offense because she's "not getting to know you." You take a class together...sometimes that's a basis for a friendship, more often it isn't. For all you know, she's asked several people to copy their notes.

 

I did it a time or two, but it wasn't very helpful. No matter how "good" their notes were, they still weren't written in the way I would've done it and other people's class notes made little sense to me. After a few instances of this, I realized I was better off to just deal with the consequences if I missed a class. So while your notes are good for you...they may be useless to someone else.

 

Since you already agreed to let her copy your notes this time, keep your word and let her copy them.

 

In the future, if you don't want to share your notes, your lunch, your Secret Squirrel decoder ring or anything else that's yours....say no.

[RayKay]

You seem to have an awfully hostile reaction to someone whom asked to borrow your notes...and when you agreed were even critical of her trying to arrange a day. For example, how was she to know you were not in Monday, she did not expect you to come and bring them, she just asked if you COULD meet her that day.

 

If you don't want to share your notes, DON'T say yes, but then if you DO say yes, don't turn around and say you are being used. She has only asked you once, and you agreed to it.

 

As for having them stolen - entirely possible. I have had my locker broken into and all my notes, textbooks, etc stolen. It's not unusual for someone to snag a backpack with the notes etc either.

 

In my experiences in university, it is pretty common to share and compare notes, it benefits all of you. It also helps develop friendships and acquaintances whom YOU can turn to when you need help because you missed a class or are having trouble with a topic.

[annie24]

Yeah, this is a pretty huge response to a small thing.

 

teacup, do you think that since you dated that guy who was using you, or at least, a pretty crappy dude to date, that you have your antennae up to pick up if someone is using you? while it's good to be on the lookout, your antennae might be too sensitive right now.

 

There's a big difference between dating a loser alcoholic jerk and a girl in college who wants to borrow your notes. I think in time, you will find a healthy balance.

[teacup]

since this is a competitive school, ppl are not known for helping each other.

 

i have had ppl approach me in the past, and then drop me once the semester was over. like ignore me if i say hi or pretend they dont even recognize me or ignore me once they figure out i dont know the material as well as they thought. i have had ppl ask me to hang out and then the promises just never pan out.

 

it's not so much turning and asking someone about notes. i have asked other ppl questions and had them ask me questions. but getting to know someone solely on the basis of what u want from them and nothing more? that's using.

 

plus, her grades are shot. i dont think i would ask her for help.

[Boricua7]

since this is a competitive school, ppl are not known for helping each other.

 

i have had ppl approach me in the past, and then drop me once the semester was over. like ignore me if i say hi or pretend they dont even recognize me or ignore me once they figure out i dont know the material as well as they thought. i have had ppl ask me to hang out and then the promises just never pan out.

 

So you're just going to hold against everyone what a few people have done to you?

[teacup]

no. but i dont have a good feeling about her.

[BellaDonna]

I think you are reading way too deep into this and stressing yourself out over virtually nothing. The world is not such a bad place and not everyone is out to get you.

 

A common occurrence such as someone asking for your notes should not elicit this much stress and analyzation.

 

Try not to let yourself sweat the small stuff in life, otherwise you'll dirve yourself crazy,

 

 

BellaDonna

[Boricua7]

no. but i dont have a good feeling about her.

 

Ok. Follow your instinct but do not let it control or dominate your life. Do not let your emotions take over logic and reasoning!

 

Has she given you any reason to distrust her? Probably not. So, until she does just give her the benefit of the doubt. You can't shield yourself from everyone and it's inevitable that people will betray you or abuse your kindness. Not everyone is like this, however. Like BellaDonna said, not everyone is out to get you.

[annie24]

since this is a competitive school, ppl are not known for helping each other.

 

i have had ppl approach me in the past, and then drop me once the semester was over. like ignore me if i say hi or pretend they dont even recognize me or ignore me once they figure out i dont know the material as well as they thought. i have had ppl ask me to hang out and then the promises just never pan out.

 

it's not so much turning and asking someone about notes. i have asked other ppl questions and had them ask me questions. but getting to know someone solely on the basis of what u want from them and nothing more? that's using.

 

plus, her grades are shot. i dont think i would ask her for help.

 

I went to a competitive school also, and I was in competitive programs (chemistry and microbiology). Many many pre-med majors - they are the most competitive people, trust me!

 

However, cooperation really helped all of us get through. At least it really helped me.

 

Ok, fine. Tell her you think she is using you and that you refuse to share notes. Tell her to bugger off when she calls you on tuesday.

[Boricua7]

...Ok, fine. Tell her you think she is using you and that you refuse to share notes. Tell her to bugger off when she calls you on tuesday.

 

Sure. Go for it. Completely ruin all alliances you can form at your school so that when things really do get tough you have people you can depend on to help you. Sounds like a GREAT idea. (I hope you catch the sarcasm)

[TheLegend]

Where did the friendships go? Being nice to people, you shouldn't wait any favors back when you do someone a favor.. It's not a business, it's just being nice to people. Unless she starts asking for your notes every week.

[Bethany]

Look at this from the other girls point of view.....When someone gives you their phone number and is friendly, and then you call them up and ask to borrow their notes, sit next to them and smile it is NOT using someone.

[Diggitydave]

I say don't over analyze the situation and let her borrow your notes. Don't dig too deep into it. Before you know it you'll think she's conspiring against you when all she wanted was a lil help. It seems kind of like you put up a defense mechanism when someone asked something of you and you picked apart the details to construct a negative out of something that was as big a deal as an empty bag of chips.