AntiLove_SuperStar Posted April 16, 2006 Share Posted April 16, 2006 Ahh he's just signed onto msn as I type this so I feel a little guilty, but here goes. When I got together with my BF 6 months ago he had an eatingdisorder, and still does, as do I, so I knew he wasn't comfortable with his body. Over time, we have spent quite a few nights together and we are at the stage where we are really intimate with each other, the whole way, etc. We also talk all the time and Id say we have a very good relationship, hes said that as well, so this feels like a trivial issue on some levels...but I have never seen him completely naked. After 6 months shouldnt he feel like he can trust me or whatever...hes 21, I'm 18, and I dont have a problem beiong naked around him, and my body image isnt the best one in the world. I constantly tell him how hot / great I think he is, and we are really affectionate to each other. I asked him if it was fear of being judged or something that means he wont be naked in front of me and he said *Its not what youll say, I trust you, I just really hate my body*. huh?! Slightly confused, should I press this issue or leave it...but it has been a while now, it almost feels slightly ridiculous that hes willing to have sex with me...but not naked! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laura_5000 Posted April 16, 2006 Share Posted April 16, 2006 I think you should speak to him, otherwise it will keep eating up at you. It would anoy me and I feel if you have been togther for 6months he should feel secure around you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ElektraHere Posted April 16, 2006 Share Posted April 16, 2006 Hi there, First off there are some people who just will have sex at night because they know it will be dark and there will be no lights. The issues with him seem to be the eating disorder. Did he ever get counseling for it? Eating disorders in men is so rare so they kind of go under the radar when being affected by it. I wouldnt press it anymore I think that only ads to the pressure and if he is not over the eating disorder this could make it worse. I just hope the two of you are on the road to recovery. A couple with eating disorder issues and depression issues would be a VERY hard uphill battle. Overall what is your relationship like? Do you have fun together? Do you laugh? Do you think of future goals you both would like to achieve? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AntiLove_SuperStar Posted April 16, 2006 Author Share Posted April 16, 2006 Oh yes, we laugh a lot. He is utterly fantastic. And we do make future plans and whatever...he wont get counselling though which is a shame. Kinda worrying really. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ElektraHere Posted April 16, 2006 Share Posted April 16, 2006 Well that is good you have fun and happy times. I think him being in denial about his disorder could be the element that could could break him and you. It isnt an easy disease to get over it is something that needs to be taken care of with diligence and commitment. In other words its like a cavity on an already sensitive tooth. If worked on now the tooth can be saved if ignored then the tooth could be damaged beyond repair and have to be extracted. Just dont push the issue of him being naked that is too much pressure I suspect for him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elaineska Posted April 16, 2006 Share Posted April 16, 2006 It is a shame he won't go to counselling. Does he think his self-image problem is serious? I'm sure some guys would refuse to go to counselling for this sort of thing because they feel only girls should have these problems with their bodies. If I were in your situation, I would try and do something thoughtful like an email or a card telling him that you think he's beautiful both inside and out. Maybe you wouldn't go for something sappy like that, but I'm kind of cheesy like that I guess. Um... maybe point out parts of his body that you love and tell him why you like them (his arms for example, or his stomach). I know when my boyfriend or ANYONE does this for me unexpectedly, I get a self-esteem boost. I've never had an ED though and I'm sure it must be hard... Good luck to you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AntiLove_SuperStar Posted April 16, 2006 Author Share Posted April 16, 2006 Hey thanks...I send him/tell him cheesy/soppy stuff all the time (hes quite similar in that respect as well!), it doesnt seem to have made much of an impact but Ill kep making the effort. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elaineska Posted April 16, 2006 Share Posted April 16, 2006 That's good. I'm sure this a thing that won't just change overnight so be patient and above all, try to help him feel good about himself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
somebrunette Posted April 17, 2006 Share Posted April 17, 2006 id say just drop compliments every now and again (although you have probably already done this) but just casually bring up that you think he has a cute butt or something, or that you love the way his etc etc. is he embarrased to be naked in front of you in the dark? if u havnt already tried this just slowly take his clothes off in the dark see what happens Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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