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blueangel

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I can't seem to step outside of this place

All around me it is the same face

A mirror to torture, one to break

Me in pieces

Alone with the things I could not make

It to

So my pace is slowing

I'm being torn down

To keep going

Can I still do that now?

A heart is dying

It is inside of me

That's a scary thought

To leave all ecstasy

Behind

What's in my mind?

There is such beauty there

But all I am really

Is just a little girl scared

Scared that she'll change

If she turns to negative thoughts

Scared that she'll lose it

After all that she's lost

I fight it and fight it

I push it away

But all that comes of this

Is simply more hate

Hate for the difficulties I've never overcome

Hate for the people who have all decided to run

Leave me here, in whimper and tears

It doesn't matter...

Hasn't changed in years

Little by little- it takes so slow

A heart to turn bitter as they get old

Is there anything left to feel?

Friends to find but my friends aren't real

Oh, where is the innocent fun- oh, the laughter

When I felt my life only had begun- everything in it mattered

But the chips are squaring away these days

I'm more anxious while waiting for all that's delayed

What life, oh life, that it takes on and on

And the pain in my heart still hasn't been expressed

To another human heart so all there is is emptiness

Would things turn around if this I had?

Am I that boring, am I that bad?

In friendships, I'm a coward- getting bored with myself for some reason

I always back down putting a resistance to my open mouth

So my tower of regrets won't let me out

It's always in my mind- I am so torn- I mean what's left of the past

The things that started, of what I could have had

All the things I knew of which did never last

Now-

Cherry blossoms bursting in the skies

The same old sun isn't hard to find

But where's someone to simply cradle my head?

To hold my body when I feel too dead

To walk on

She whispers to her- it will be all right

Her older self staring through those familiar dry eyes

Almost a woman now

Can she be afraid?

When alarm clocks are ringing out

There are beds to be made

Things to be written

Stories and goals

A body to sculpt

Lord, help her out

Homework to be done

In a room displayed

Of Japanese culture

As if in a play

No, I can't seem to step outside of this place

I love it and hate it

But freedom is rare

The freedom to live

As if I did not care

What others thought- I always dare to step forward

But always turn away

She's pleading with you

To keep her safe

With open arms

That you take

Her inside

Lock her away

Make me a part of you so I know where to stay

God, please help me

It's getting away

I don't know how to get it out

What I need to say

So others know my mind

Tell me not to be afraid

To simply close my eyes

So it will go away

But all that I see- a question mark

Dangling above- ready to pierce my heart

What step do I take after it all

No more stairs to step on

And so I just fall.

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