meant to be alone

[darkpumpkin]

I've been single for a year now. A whole year, true I let my ex go till 2 months ago but still. Problem is I've gone out there, meet new guys, gone on dates, flirted, raised my standered and....Nothing. Nothing happens, nothing delvelops. It's not that there is anything wrong with them really they just don't move me enough to make an effort to be with them. I've gone through what must be 15 guys who I met, talked to, gone out with and not a single one ever developed. It's never going to happen for me. Maybe it really just doesn't happen for some people. And there actually are people out there who are meant to be alone.

[RayKay]

Not to be flip, but if your age is right, you are 21. Seriously, you have a lot of time. Sometimes the harder you TRY to find, the less you find as well.

 

And, as long as you believe what is in your sig

I love to hate life

I hate to break it to you, but you may find yourself discouraged continously. We, and our lives, are what we BELIEVE they are.

 

In the scheme of things, a year is so little. It took me 25 years to find the right one for me, after many heartbreaks and a lot of single time too. And it was worth it all in the end. For some it takes less, or more.

 

Wouldn't you rather take the time to meet the RIGHT one, then rush into spending it with the wrong one?

[Dako]

Sometimes we aren't ready for it to happen. Maybe it's a way of gaining emotional strength to chance it. I don't date. My friends think I'm nuts, but if you don't want it, enjoy the freedom.

[kellbell]

Hi there DarkPumpkin,

 

"I've been single for a year now."

 

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being single. I was single for 9 months at one time and had a BLAST! I did not have to answer to anyone and I could do my own thing. I went to New Orleans with not a care in the world. I was ok with being single and because I was...I had a great time. It is all about perspective.

 

"problem is I've gone out there, meet new guys, gone on dates, flirted, raised my standered and....Nothing. Nothing happens, nothing delvelops."

 

Maybe it is a good idea to forget about dating and all that jazz and enjoy your freedom and being young! Girl, you are 21! The time where you have no cares and have fun! I am 29 (I will be 30 in November), no where near marriage. I hate to tell you this but you are going to have your share of dead-ends, duds, heartbreaks...you get the picture. It is part of life. Hopefully, you will gain wisdom, strength, and knowledge from those experiences that will properly arm you for Mr. Right.

 

"It's never going to happen for me. Maybe it really just doesn't happen for some people. And there actually are people out there who are meant to be alone."

 

I do not mean to sound mean here but with that line of thinking....you WILL be alone. No one likes to be around a sourpuss. Just try to forget dating. Get out there and LIVE! Get involved in other activities, do some volunteering or community service, travel. Do what you want to do. Life is too short...do not waste it.

 

(((hugs)))

 

Hang in there chica.

[Caldus]

raised my standards

 

Wouldn't you try to lower your standards a little if you were trying to find a new boyfriend? I'm guessing it was a typo.

 

It sounds like you're displeased at the thought of being alone. Some people your age have been 'alone' their whole lives and are quite content with them. This is a good time to start learning more about you and not continously jumping around from date to date. Stop looking around so much for a boyfriend or whatever and just enjoy the other possibilities of life. There is much to experience other than a relationship. Doesn't mean at all that you can't have fun with your life. Do what is fun for you.

[Empathy]

Well...this "dating after the break-up" problem is apparently VERY common. I now find myself once again saying, "I can identify." It was a year in March since my break-up and I can't get past my high standards.

 

Wouldn't you try to lower your standards a little if you were trying to find a new boyfriend? I'm guessing it was a typo.

What she said was what she meant. Apparently, most women find their standards raised quite high after being dumped. It's because we see our exes as being the best and we don't want to settle for anything less. I'd like to find someone that I connect with as well as I did my ex and that is HAAARD to find. Actually... In truth...I'm looking for someone better than my ex. I'm sure most of us are. Which is why our standards can sometimes reach IMPOSSIBLY high.

[danielj]

There's nothing wrong with being single. Especially at 21. I'm 21 and I've never even been in a relationship due in part to shyness and the fact that most girls do not find me attractive in the physical sense apparently. Even if I could change the way things have played out this far, I'm not sure I would. Being by myself has given me more confidence in who I am as a person and I've been able to develop a better sense of self than I would have otherwise had I actually had relationships all that time.

 

I wouldn't worry about being alone. There's still plenty of time for that stuff to work out. In the meantime, just work on enjoying life, single or not.

[Momene]

Keep kissing the frogs and one will turn into a prince. You won't meet anyone by not dating, so carry on. Also look at the rest of your life to see what else needs to be changed apart from finding a partner.

 

Good luck.

[Ross_K]

I've been single for the whole of my life, so yes, I believe I'm ment to be alone forever.

 

At least you've had some guys show interest in you. No one has ever shown interest towards me ever.

[Dako]

I've been single for the whole of my life,

 

Not yet.

[Ross_K]

Not yet.

 

What's going to suddenly change though?

 

I could understand if I was 19 or something, but if not one woman has ever shown interest in me in the whole of my life and I'm 30, then it's pretty likely that it'll never happen.

 

Like I said, I can tell this is the way it's ment to be for me.

[CarnelianButterfly]

I've been single for the whole of my life, so yes, I believe I'm ment to be alone forever.

 

At least you've had some guys show interest in you. No one has ever shown interest towards me ever.

With that cute face??? Do you work at a school for the blind?

[Ross_K]

The photo probably makes me look better than I do in real life, trust me there's certainly been loads of bad ones, and the kind of responces that I get from girls offline is that I'm ugly.

 

Anyway, I believe that there's something more than an attractive face that makes someone attracted to someone, like pheremones or something, that 'x factor'.

[Dako]

I'll bet it depends what woman you ask. I know how it feels. Of two brothers, I was always the ugly one, and he was always attracting girls. As time went on, I got used to it, while he made child support and alimony payments.

[Ross_K]

So how did you get someone?

[Dako]

I'm not really sure. I just assumed I'd be alone. I had long hair and a beard and dressed like a slob. Not much there for a woman to like. One day it just happened...I met a woman with less self-respect than me, and she wore me out. Later I met some nicer people.

For me, it's hard to figure out.

Now, I plan to stay single.

[Ross_K]

I wish I had your luck pal.

[Dako]

I wish I had your luck pal.

 

Don't be so sure. I'm alone too.

[Ross_K]

Yeah but you had a babe. Hell, you had a woman that was attracted to you.

[Miss M]

Wouldn't you try to lower your standards a little if you were trying to find a new boyfriend?

Oh wow... no way. I've also raised my standards. And I hope to always keep them at a higher level. Now I'm very amazed at what I used to put up with... when I didn't know any better.

 

Raising the standard is all about respecting yourself, and realizing you deserve better than what you tolerated in the past. Many of us unwittingly settle for much less than we should.

 

So yes, raise the standard... raise the bar... It's how you weed out the riff-raff.

[Momene]

Yeah but you had a babe. Hell, you had a woman that was attracted to you.

Further to your other replies, my luck changed in my early 30s. Get ready.

[Dako]

I'm starting to think women go libidinally insane to some degree at 30, much like guys do at 20.

[Momene]

I'm starting to think women go libidinally insane to some degree at 30, much like guys do at 20.

 

I said when I was 30. The girls concerned were anything from 17 to 42.

[Spawn]

I've been single for the whole of my life.

 

At 30 and still single mate.....ok Paco's record is about to be broken.

 

Yeah but you had a babe. Hell, you had a woman that was attracted to you.

 

you know what people don't find me attractive either but then you have to approach people, have you tried that?

 

I am not dating either, all my friends are married, some are engaged but still they find it strange that i am still single.

 

At the moment i am just tryin to figure how it feels like being single after goin thru a relationship. I am finding time to do more of "me" stuff now.

 

anyways, when things have to work out it will.....whats the point makin your brains work out overtime. If not i will be single forever.

[Ross_K]

Further to your other replies, my luck changed in my early 30s. Get ready.

 

Being single feels like it's my destiny.

 

you know what people don't find me attractive either but then you have to approach people, have you tried that?

 

I'd need to be confident enough to do that though, it's not something you can force yourself to do when you're too nervous, otherwise you're just going to look like a social retard.