Getting rid of an aura

[kboykb]

Hey guys.. alright here's my deal. I'm 21 right now, for the past 4 years I've been in a serious relationship.. which was basically the first real relationship I've ever had (i.e. "First Love"). We've broken up many times before so I'm not sure it's over - but the reasoning for this one is understandable and I'm just taking some precautions (her going to college in NY next year while I stay in Atl.).

 

My problem is this: I let off a terrible aura of being stuck up. When I'm by myself or with friends I'm really carefree and whatnot.. but when I'm at school surrounded by people I don't know, I walk in with a really stoic look on my face .. like I'm in my own zone.. When I look at ppl.. I glance and keep walking.. instead of looking for a minute, then smiling, then turning my head and walking away. I rarely ever start off a convo.. and me being this way just gives me bad results. It's like I try to be too cool for my own good.. in my head it feels like I'm cool but on the surface.. I'm nothing but a guy trying to look good but in reality is getting no friends (guys or girls) from it.

 

What should I do about this? Even when I notice an attractive girl looking at me I do the glance instead of actually letting her know that I acknowledge her. If the person starts off the convo with me it's fine.. I'll open up to them in a heartbeat.. but if it's up to me to start something off a problem arises.

 

I've resorted to meeting ppl off the net from myspace and stuff.. (since on the net I don't have to worry about a bad initial start).. and I've had 2 really bad results from meeting ppl.. so I think I'll stick with meeting ppl face to face now.

[tylercdurden2004]

Find out why you act "defensive". Then deal with it and change your outlook.

[Alabama]

Are you afraid of being hurt and that is why you've put this "aura" around you? If it is, than think about why it has developed and as tylercdurden2004 suggested, work on making a positive image. Don't think in your mind all the time, but be more extroverted in your thinking.

[kboykb]

You guys have a good point that I never even thought of.. I've never thought about myself as a defensive person but I see I am now.. I don't know exactly why that is either so I have some thinking to do. I may just think too much on things.. but thanks for giving me something to think about to fix

 

and that may be another reason Alabama, I'll see what the real one is though.

[Markers]

if you have been hurt, cheated on, rejected, laughed on when asking someone out, disrespected.. all that can and probably will make people quite defensive.