what is the deal with this girl??? headgames??

[needhelp112692]

ok...hey all here is my story and i'll try to keep it brief....

 

 

I met this girl on match...went on a date and hit it off perfectly had a great passionate kiss goodnight....went out a week later once again had a greatnight..slept together which i wasnt expecting but she made the move......anyways I was in a long term past relationship where i was hurt bad and she knows this.....that being said we are at her place one night...candles are lite..drinking wine and music is on..all is perfect....i turn to her and say " isnt this freaking you out at all...how we get along so well soo fast...this doesnt scare you?"....she turns to me and says " i've been waiting for you".........pretty powefull statement i'd say..and I was happy to hear it.........here is the problem.........we only hang out on the wekends cause she lives and works in manhattan and i live on long island.....we have been hanging out ever weekend since we met...but during the week she barely calls and is kinda stand offish.

 

She called me 2 weeks ago and said "listen i just want you to know I am sorry for not being attentive to your needs lately..its just that i have alot going on with work and i understand if you wanna go see other people cause im not being fun lately".....i said listen i understand you have stress right now and thats fine......but if you dont wanna hang out with me anymore just say so........she says " no its not that..i really like you alot and im afraid of losing you"....once again all sounds fine.........we hang out have another great weekend.

 

We were on the phone one night and i asked her where we stand...meaning are we exclusive/ boyfriend girlfriend or what.....i just wanted to know what thr rules where....at first she says " there are no rules".....then the convo contunes to where we both said we didnt wanna hang out with other people and we wouldnt sleep with or hook up with other people..although i did sense some apprehension in her....i happened to go on match to see her profile..i wanted to see her pic cause i was thinking of her...i saw she had added new pics and her account was active in 2 days when it hasnt been in weeks......i sent her a text nice new pic on match btw.......she calls the next day and said her girlfriend set up the account for her and must have went on there and put it up....BS is what i think and anyone who i ask...

anyways.......fafstforward to tuesday night............she calls me at 630pm.... i own a store that closes at 7 and couldnt get the call.....i figured id call her back on the way home.......but instead i got a call from a friend crying and couldnt call her back........so the next day she sends me a text...and here is the convo.......

 

 

Her…I called you last night?

 

Me….yeah I know I was gonna call you back on the way to cards but my friend carissa called me cryin bout some guy she is with. By the time I got outta cards it was too late.

 

Me..how is your day going

 

Me…what do you wanna do this weekend

 

Her…huh

 

Me…..huh what

 

Her…..didnt you read my text b4?

 

Me..the only text I got from you was that you called lastnight

 

Her….no..carissa cries..you cant pick up the phone?..not like u…ur pulling shady bs. Not interested

 

Me….you called me at 630..my store was packed. I got in lastnight at 1130 didn't wanna wake you. So you are saying you don't wanna hang out with me anymore?.

 

Her…im not saying that. Im saying don't ask me " where do we stand" then u pull * * * * like this. Im fine with things the way they are now.

 

Me…u have me really confused right now..all this cause I didn't call you lastnight..i have been nothing but truethfull with you from day 1. I really don't see where all this is coming from.

 

Me…and once again..ill make it easy for you and give you the out. Do you wanna stop hanging out with me? Not what I want but if you do its cool..no hard feelings/

 

Her….seams like you want the out. Go cry on carissas shoulder 2nite.

 

Her..i have a career 2 work on now…sorry im 2 old 4 games.

 

Me..not playing games YOU are. I would respect it more if you were honest nad just said you didn't like me.instead of bsing me. A phone call would be better than text. I think I deserve that much.

 

Her….im busy right now.

 

Her….im not mad at you. I just don't want you askin me to be exclusive. I don't mind if you hang out with girls, but don't freak when I hang out with guys.

 

Me…well why didn't you just say that the other night on the phone then.

 

Her…ok well I don't think we are ready yet. Im sorry my bad. But I still want to see you this weekend.

 

Me ..listen just call me when you are free.

 

 

she calls me later and says..she still wants to hang out with me...and also mentions that there are some things bout me she doesnt like.....like i am self centered and i play games...both of which arent true................she then rushes off mid convo and says " ill call ya right back"......that was at 7pm........i heard nothing till the next day..when she texted me this moring with this.....

 

hey you sorry i dint get back to you lastnight, but my friend came over and didnt leave until late and i didnt wanna wake you up......im not in the office today call me when you are free.

 

i write back.....listen im gonna just lay all my cards on the table right now...i still like you alot, im not looking to dateor sleep with others, i wanted to try to build something with me and u.i was under the impression you fealt the same. if not than i guess it sux for me.

 

she calls me bout an hour after that text.......shes like "hey!!"..im like "hey"......she goes..im not mad at you you know?....i said i never said you were.....she then goes on to say " so do you wanna go to PF changs on sat for dinner?.....bascially ignored..what i texted her.......................................................................here is my dilema.....we are hanging out again this weekend.....she was on match tonight.....and told me to call her i did and she didnt answer............whats the deal with her................................why are we perfect on the weekends and she says how much she " likes me alot"..and then all this crap..........................please please please someone help me out here.....................................thanks for reading

[keenan]

Wow. She was pretty weirdly hostile in that text exchange. I'm not sure what you're asking, really, but to me it seems like (a) she's not into dating you exclusively, (b) she'd like to keep you around just in case she changes her mind, and © she's trying to lay the groundwork for making a case to leave you if she decides she'd rather do that. But honestly, I'm not into playing games, so I don't recognize the moves. She could be hypersensitive, or she could just run very 'hot & cold' in general.

 

At the very least, needhelp, she wasn't very sweet to you at ALL in that text...no matter why she was upset. She sure doesn't have great conflict resolution skills.

[needhelp112692]

i totally agree......just weird though...how she says sooo many things bout liking me and we are great together and then bamb..all this.....but still wants to hang out this weekend..........problem is...i like her alot and could fall for her...if it was another girl..like girls i have just "dated" in the past i would care if we slept together on the weekends and she slept with the knicks bb team during the week........with her it is dif cause i can tell i could fall for her and get hurt...not sure what is the best course of action here.......cutt it off and have ZERO chance with her or just hang out with her and see what happens

[Lansing]

Well, I guess you realize how CRAPPY text can be for communication issues.. In particular when the other person is quick to make assumption about what a person is saying! With some friends I can joke and play with on MSN but with others, they just don't understand.... Same with telephone to a certain degree, you can't see the body language,etc....

 

Maybe she is still looking for "someone " better and doesn't want to be exclusive.... Maybe she wants to talk to you in person about it, or maybe she just doesn't want to argue the issue......

 

I was in a similar situation where our weekly communication was crap... we just didn't talk very well on the phone, but, when we were in person, things went smoothly... Something was just "off" on the phone...

 

Try to decide what you want... If you are okay with her seeing other guys than accept that it seems like she wants to see other guys.... If you aren't okay with it, then, move on..

[keenan]

I understand. Honestly, I'm not sure either. I guess the most pragmatic course of action is to continue hanging out with her, continue being honest and loving, but don't push the exclusivity thing too much. It would be a lot easier to figure this out if we knew whether your conversation with Carissa really DID upset her, or if she was just BSing you.

 

Keep in the back of your mind that she could be playing you so you'll be a bit prepared if she hurts you badly. And if she does, console yourself with the knowledge that even though you could love this woman, being with somebody who isn't straight with you right off the bat could lead to a lifetime of problems. These could be warning bells that you're hearing.

 

Good luck.

[DN]

Have a proper conversation with her - tell her what you want from her and ask if she is prepared to give that. Ask her what she wants from you and decide if you can do that. If neither of you can either give the other what they want and can't compromise - walk away.

[Skippy]

i agree... talk to her again face to face about this.

my rule of thumbs is this. It doesnt matter what time it is if you said you are going to call, CALL. even though it is 2 am in the morning.

If someone means something to you, you will always, ALWAYS be there for them and if you want to build trust and be reliable do what you say you are going to do.

From my perspective.the mind games started when you wanted something more serious but didnt call her like you said you would. You went back on your word. So now she can't rely on what you say about a more serious relationship. She thinks you are playing games.

You could have Texted her at 11.30 but you didn.t .. too bad, this could have been avoided.

 

She just gave you a taste of what you gave her amd you didnt like it.

Mind games... maybe, mis understanding .. most probably.

[keenan]

my rule of thumbs is this. It doesnt matter what time it is if you said you are going to call, CALL. even though it is 2 am in the morning.

...From my perspective.the mind games started when you wanted something more serious but didnt call her like you said you would. You went back on your word. So now she can't rely on what you say about a more serious relationship. She thinks you are playing games.

You could have Texted her at 11.30 but you didn.t .. too bad, this could have been avoided.

 

She just gave you a taste of what you gave her amd you didnt like it.

Mind games... maybe, mis understanding .. most probably.

 

Hmmm, I think that's a good point. When I read the text again from only her perspective, I can see that she could've just been hurt that you didn't call or text that night. If she'd been looking forward to hearing from you, an excuse that "it was too late to call" could sound pretty lame--especially if she thought you were prioritizing (or worse--trying to make her jealous with) this Carissa chick. I still don't like that she was pretty transparent about paying you pack ("my friend came over and didn't leave until late and i didnt wanna wake you up"), but...I guess that's at least understandable. ???

 

I agree with the others--have a good talk talk with her, and in the future always honor your word about calling. Don't give the impression that YOU might be playing games.

[Skippy]

Hmmm, I think that's a good point. When I read the text again from only her perspective, I can see that she could've just been hurt that you didn't call or text that night. If she'd been looking forward to hearing from you, an excuse that "it was too late to call" could sound pretty lame--especially if she thought you were prioritizing (or worse--trying to make her jealous with) this Carissa chick. I still don't like that she was pretty transparent about paying you pack ("my friend came over and didn't leave until late and i didnt wanna wake you up"), but...I guess that's at least understandable. ???

 

I agree with the others--have a good talk talk with her, and in the future always honor your word about calling. Don't give the impression that YOU might be playing games.

 

She did tell you how she felt, she asked "I called You last night" and i am pretty sure the tone wasn;t all happy. And he sounded like he just blew it off after that, like . "so?... you called, i was busy" saractic way.

She likes him, so the only way to get it accross to him is to do it back. And so the game begins! until someone decides to say ... Woooaaahh. MISUNDERSTANDING!! lets talk.