shes a different person...

[craig78]

ok this is the situation... (thankyou for reading this btw!)

 

...I've just been on a college trip to Berlin and i met this girl called natalie on this trip (she came with the college too) and we got on so well. I've never got on so well with a girl before. it didnt feel awkward, it felt so natural and so right. it started off as friends and as the week progressed we got closer and became better friends. by the last few days we were holding hands and kissed on the final night of the trip. we both said how weird it was that we had only known each other for a week but felt we had known each other for longer.

i feel so comfortable around her and can talk to her about anything.

 

but when we got home people found out what happened on the trip and people from her old school told me she had had a 'reputation' at her old school. this really shocked me because i never got the slightest hint she would be like that when i was with her and she never spoke about it.

 

so i decided to ring her up and speak about it to her (again i felt comfortable speaking to her about this, which is not normal for me). she told me that she regrets what she has done in the past and that she has changed. i believe her but it still bugs me. because i liked her before i knew about her past, so i dont see why my feelings should change because she hasnt changed. is what we have special or does she get on well with guys? because it sounds like she used to. if you met her you would not think she would have a reputation, she is a really nice girl who cares and feelings.

 

i really need advice...should i let something like this get in the way of something special? should it make a difference how i feel about her? any help MUCH appreciated!

thanks

[Scout]

Hi Craig. First, I want to say I like how you've handled this situation so far. A lesser person might have just blown the girl off based on what other people said about her. You took the admirable approach, and talked to her directly about this, even though it was likely uncomfortable for you to do so.

 

Good job on that!

 

Now, it also appears you must have communicated in a way with her that helped her feel she could be honest and truthful with you. Again, great job!

 

Ok, so to answer your questions...I do think people can change, but ultimately, that is up to them. We can't control their actions. So, do I know for sure if you can trust this girl to be faithful if you two become exclusive? Well, no I don't, and neither do you. That's something only time will tell as you get to know her better. I do however think it's a very positive sign she admitted she has a bit of a past, regrets it, and is committed to changing.

 

I would reserve complete judgement at this point, and let things unfold naturally as you get to know her better. People aren't perfect, and the teenage & young adult years are especially difficult for girls as they are pressured to act one way, and then get called names afterwards if they actually act that way.

 

You however, can be a positive person in her life who validates her as a great person who doesn't have to behave a certain way to get attention from guys. You can be the boy who she can truly be herself with, and appreciated for that.

[CarnelianButterfly]

I had a friend who was very sexually active, she had done just about everything with just about every guy she came accross. Something very serious happened to her and she totally changed. She went several years without dating or even looking at men. Then someone special came along and she started a real relationship with him. She told him everything that happened and asked if they could just take it slow. He respected her and never pressured her. They were very happy, even with all her past deeds.

 

I say give her a chance, if you care for her then thats what matters now.

[Tigris]

I admire you for the way you've handled the situation too.

 

We all learn by our mistakes, plus we can't change the past.

 

I hope the two of you have a long loving relationship.

 

Good luck

[tylercdurden2004]

Good job on being direct and open wiht her. Sound like thes telling the truth and it seems she kept her pants on for the week she was with youso I would take that as a good sign. Either she has changed or she sees you as being different from the other guys. Take it slow and dont let this be an issue she has obviously changed form what you have said

[southerngirl]

I say to hell with her reputation. Get to know her and keep going on with her letting it unfold how it does.

 

Someone else replied by talking about a friend of theirs. I have a very good friend who was sexually active with all kinds of boys growing up. Then one day she met the right one. They have been together for 11 years now and have two kids together. Its true love. AND EVEN THOUGH they did have sex............ like i said she did this alot. She's been faithful to him for this whole time.

 

YOu really can turn a 'Ho into a housewife ' she is proof and I love her dearly... Another thing about this friend. She has a bachelor's degree these days in interior design and a stable household.. Im real proud of her now 10 years after graduation. This girls reputation is not WHO she is.. You'll only learn who she is if you keep getting to know her. Good Luck and Best Wishes.

[shyanne]

i think it would bother me... i was raised to believe that isn't right and that's how i have always lived my life.. i wouldn't want to be with someone who was like that in the past.. can people who were like that really change? i'm not sure they could... it's how you are. plus it's a big turn off, for me anyways. i guess you have to decide for yourself.. this is just my opinion.

 

you know, some don't agree with me... i have a cousin who really gives me a hard time about stuff like this.. she says i judge people too much. that's how my mom was and how i was raised... i tried to explain that to her. what your taught growing up is what you believe to be right and that's how we will normally raise our own kids.

 

sorry if this isn't what you want to hear... maybe some people can change but still.... good luck to you

[Momene]

The key issue here is whether she'll remain faithful to you. A discussion on the BBC board showed that people who'd had a "reputation" in the past were capable of being faithful to partners in long term relationships. Especially as she's changed schools, she's no more likely to go behind your back than any other girl.

 

Good luck, but I don't think you'll be needing it.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

People really can change...everything else has already been said, just want to add that from personal experience (myself, mainly on this one) that its entirely possible.