What Does Everyone Consider Helpful

[tylercdurden2004]

Thought maybe this would be a good debate and/or discussion for people on here.

 

I am very curious as to what people think they consider helpful advice.

 

For myself since I started this thread:

 

I consider advice from as many people with a variety of points of view when I have a problem that I am having trouble solving. I am lucky to have very wonderful friends and a family that is supportive of me. Although I know they all support me most of the times I get differing views and I have found this extremely helpful in giving me the strength to make a decision. I have noticed to that people have different ways of giving that advice everthing form shoot-from-the-hip to let talk about everyones feelings type of delivery. I really cherish this in my life as I have found sometimes I needed a little straight talkin (which my dad is great for) and other times I have found I needed more feelings based talking if you will (which my female friends and psycology friends) give me more of. i really dont think there is a right or wrong way and honestly using such a broad base of idea and delivery methods has proven very useful to me. I get the idea that not everyone is like me (funny that eh).

 

I write this as I notice this is really a bone of contention in some forums.

 

Let me know what ya think.

 

Cheers

 

Tyler

[ElektraHere]

Cheers Tyler

 

I can't agree with you more. I myself am a shoot from the hip type advice giver. Sometimes it comes off as harsh but in some instances a person needs that. It jolts them into evaluating their issue.

 

What I can't understand is people who post on this forum and dont want to hear it. They are asking for advice and thoughts yet when they get them they either argue each post or say that we just dont understand the situation.

 

That is what is the most confusing for me.

[Mrocza]

Good advice: reasonable, logical and objective.

 

I like a person to be sympathetic and even empathetic, but if it's something they strongly disagree with and can't see the only end of the spectrum, they don't have anything to work with in terms of a fair response.

 

It's not about being harsh, althought buttering it up doesn't work. If we wanted to have things buttered up to us, we wouldn't come online for outside "advice", we'd be going to our friends to butter it up for us.

[shes2smart]

What I can't understand is people who post on this forum and dont want to hear it. They are asking for advice and thoughts yet when they get them they either argue each post or say that we just dont understand the situation.

 

That is what is the most confusing for me.

 

Eh, everyone's in a different place on their path. Some people gotta do a lot of talkin' and thinkin' before they get inspired to move. Some people have a high tolerance for emotional pain. Some people are more afraid of the unknown than they are sick of the known.

 

An old friend once told me people only change when they reach a point of maximum discomfort. The definition of "maximum point of discomfort" varies widely for each person. That's what I have to remind myself of when I see some of the kind of posts you're talking about. That and screaming at my monitor usually dissipate any frustration. If there's still some irk-iness lingering, I vent to my husband. (He doesn't post here, but he feels like he knows some of you. )

 

On the off chance you've ever gone to an AA (or any other 12 step) meeting, you know hearing others' stories shows a very wide range of what "hitting bottom" means.

 

As for me, when it comes to advice-giving, I'm a low BS-kinda gal....although I like to think I've learned to temper my opinions with a bit (small bit) of tact/diplomacy as I have aged. Dunno if I succeed in anyone else's eyes, but I like to think I've softened with age. Lemme have my deluisions...it's a slow slide to senility from here.

 

When it comes to seeking out advice, I tend toward taking a survey of people I know & trust, then figuring out my own unique twist on it. If I'm stuck in a rut, but know where I eventually want to end up (just not how to get there), I'll find someone who has what I want and ask them a bunch of questions about how they got what they have.

 

The people who have what you want -- whether it be a good relationship, certain job, certain income, certain material thing -- are in the best position to point you toward the way to get that for yourself. Oh, you still have to do all the work....but there's generally plenty of leeway for you to do things your own way and end up where you want to be. The time you can save by learning from mistakes others' made alone is worth seeking out people who have what you want and asking them questions about how they got it.

[tylercdurden2004]

Good advice: reasonable, logical and objective.

 

This is what I am getting at. Reasonable is in itself a subjective term, logical as well. At least outside the philosophy of logic and reasoning. Everyone uses these terms but not inthe way defined by the philosophy of it. And the term "objective" really goes against advice in itself since isnt advice always "tainted" by opinion. In short people say to each other "be reasonable", or "your not being logical" etc.. But it really has nothing to do with terms as each persons test of standard for these terms differs.

[Alabama]

Good advice as I see it, is someone who analyzes the problem and then gives their best advice in hypothetical conclusions. It is one thing to be empathetic, and that is good when telling someone the advice, but you do not want to simply tell them what they want to hear, it is best to give the advice that will solve their problem, even if the advice seems harsh, sometimes you need that kind of advice to solve the problem. The truth, I believe, is the best advice of all.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Ultimately, I'm quite harsh and logical when asked for a verdict on others' situations...although a little hypocritical sometimes, as I can be quite irrational in my own life/problem solving.

[shes2smart]

Ultimately, I'm quite harsh and logical when asked for a verdict on others' situations...although a little hypocritical sometimes, as I can be quite irrational in my own life/problem solving.

 

That's because it's always easier to solve someone else's problems.

[Celadon]

Accepting advice from someone all comes down to whether you feel they care about you or not. Lots of people want to be understood, and it takes a certain knack for the person giving advice to communicate that sympathy to the other person. You'll find that some people ask for advice, but when you give it, they'll keep prompting you for understanding. Without a hint of sympathy, the advice -- however well-intentioned and wise -- can come off as critical or even arrogant ("I know better than you" type of thing).

 

I think it's great that you can get all sorts of advice, Tyler. I look back on one of my relationships and truly wished at least ONE of my friends had given it to me straight that my ex was messing with me.