Unromantic boyfriend

[Lovely8466]

Things are just getting hard with me and my boyfriend. I just don't know what to do.. this is going to be part venting... and then I definitely would love some advice from anyone.

 

Ok.. well basically, he's just not romantic, he's never on time, he doesn't take me serious sometimes, sometimes he doesn't listen to what I say (which is all the important stuff)... and much more. I'm just fed up! I'm so sick of brining up that I wish he would do this or that, and not he just gets mad that I say it. A while agoI had a serious talk about how I wish he would do certain things, and he promised he would try harder, but nothing at all has changed.

 

This in particular lately has made me angry... sunday was my 22nd birthday. ANd he planned on making reservations at one of my fav. restaurants. I told him to make the reservations a week in advance just to make sure we get in, it's my b-day and I'd rather not take any chances. Every single day I had to remind him and he forgot or made an excuse up that he was busy doing other things. Yeah the only other thing he is busy with is some school work, and mostly video games and just playing around doing nothing. Ugh! I just don't know what to say or do anymore.... I'm so sad all the time because I feel so unimportant, yet all the time he says I am and this and that... it just seems like there's always an excuse, like he never did anything wrong. Please help me. What can I do? I'm sick of talking to him about it... he should want to do some of these things for me. Geez... I could easily find a man that would romance me and do all these things cause he wants to! But I love my bf and I don't want to break up with him over this... but I do want it to change. I hate having to remind him to do things for me... it just makes it unromantic...

 

ANy advice would be wonderful

[Yvette84]

He sounds EXACTLY like my ex (of a week) he won't change, don't be dumb like me, save yourself the pain and get out NOW!

[becallamjr]

Cut him off. Intimacy, anything in particular you do for him on a regular basis things he will notice, basically anything you do for him that he doesn't seem to appreciate. He will notice and will say something, that is your opportunity. Tell him you feel unappreciated, be honest with him. If that doesn't work, I guess your * * * * out of luck. I'm not understanding why he doesn't do the flowers, dinners, planned getaways, sporratic getaways, or just planned little things.

[Bingo72]

My ex did that also. He talked a good game but nothing, absolutely nothing ever came to fruition. It's pretty sad when you have to remind him to do the simple things like that. I've been out of my relationship for two months now and am still happy I finally gave up on him. Mine was into video game marathons that would literally go one for 3 to four hours at a time. If your guy gets constant stilmulation from video games like that then that is a bad sign. My guy was 35 years old and couldn't take a night off from doing 'unecessary' things like play games and have a real life going on. It doesn't get better from here, I waited two years thinking that he would suddenly have a renewed interest in me and it never came. Beware if this is what you have going on in your relationsip now, you'll always be frusterated and just end up keeping yourself from being with someone who really wants to do those things that you like.

[kellbell]

Hi there,

 

I am sorry you having some troubles with your BF. How was he in the beginning? Was he romantic in the beginning of your relationship?

 

It sounds like to me you are placing expectations on him that he cannot simply meet because he is not that kind of person. He may not be a hopeless romantic that you hope and expect him to be. And you cannot change a person. I was told by someone that expectations can be in many cases premidated resentments. That sounds like the case here.

 

I noticed also in your post you said "he doesn't" A lot. What does he do? I am sure he does SOME things otherwise you would not be with him or in love with him right? And if he does NOTHING, why are you with him? You want someone whom is romantic and such, clearly he is not. So it is up to you to be with someone who is on the same page as you. Also, I have to ask, what do you do? What do you bring to the relationship?

 

Apparently talking to him has gotten you no where. IMO, it is because he is not the kind of person you expect him to be. You can talk forever about this but the truth is, he is what he is. Things may change for awhile, but there is a good chance things will slide back to normal after a few weeks.

 

So it is up to you...do you want to keep talking to him or perhaps be with someone whom you are more compatible with? Good luck with everything and take care.

[Boricua7]

Cut him off. Intimacy, anything in particular you do for him on a regular basis. Things he will notice. Basically, anything you do for him that he doesn't seem to appreciate. He will notice and will say something, that is your opportunity. Tell him you feel unappreciated, be honest with him. If that doesn't work, I guess your S.O.L.

 

I completely agree. He doesn't do things for you so stop doing things for him. Give him a taste of his own medicine. See how he reacts and go from there. If things don't change after that, I would consider letting him go. He doesn't need to write you love songs or make you dinner every night but he does need to make you feel wanted and appreciated even if it's by doing something as little as doing the dishes for you so that you don't have to.

[Shadows Light]

Sounds to me like you are already talking to him and leading. Teling him what restaurant you want to go to.. and that resevations should be done ahead of time... and HE just does't see it as PRIORITY.. yep. I'd say

you know where you rate on the food chain.

 

You can wish and wish and wish... stomp your feet.. pound the walls... throw a fit, tantrum... but this particular FROG is NOT.. going to turn into prince charming.

 

HE is what he is.. and that is the way he will remain. Barring some cataclysmic earth shattering life altering thing that happens to him...

He's going to stay the way he is today. Forever. Thats who he is... and thats what he does. This my dear... is about as good as its gonna get.

 

And I'm telling you from experience... its not gonna change.

[kellbell]

Like Shadows, I am also speaking from experience.:splat:

[Beyondthesea]

Sorry but I agree. I had an ex (notice he is now an ex) who was the least romantic of any man I had ever known. He was in the beginning and within a few months it went down to nothing and never returned.

 

Talking, explaining, helping, reminding does not help these men. Why? Because that is just the way they are, and they will not change.

 

If these things are important to you and not to him, it's time to find someone who is more compatible.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Umm...dump him? He doesnt respect you or make you happy, and sounds like a fairly uninteresting person...get out!

[Goodfun88]

Not only is he unromantic he is inconsiderate, thats not a good combo. If you've tried talking to him, and he hasn't changed, you have to decide if you could handle being with someone who doesn't take the time out to care about you. I know I couldn't deal with that! Good luck!

[annie24]

I agree. What does he do for you? Some guys show you they care by fixing your car, or helping you find the right stereo. Does he show you he cares in other ways?

 

If he really doesn't, maybe he doesn't care much. definitely, instead of saying, "he doesn't do this and that", maybe better to think, "this is what I need to be happy." Maybe you'll decide that you really do need a romantic guy, so maybe it is best to break up with this one.

 

Think about what you want and NEED. And if your guy isn't it, then move on. You've clearly talked to him a lot about it (some might say nagged), but that hasn't lead to change in his behavior. Time to focus on your behavior.

[DN]

You complain about what he doesn't do for you.

 

What do you do for him?

 

Anyway - here's some advice I posted before to someone in a similar situation:

[scarew]

You remind me of what I was like with my ex. I kept asking him to do things and telling him how I felt taken for granted. But after we broke up (over things other than that also) I realized that I didn't do anything for him.

 

So in my relationship now, I try really hard to do little things like get him cards for no reason or plan a romantic night. He loves it, and has never had anyone do that for him before and he is sooooo appreciative. But guess what? He is about as romantic as my last bf: barely. He does little things that I recognized though, like getting me a blanket when putting me first all the time. But I still feel like I do that for him, and then some.

 

As I am getting to know him though, I have discovered something. My boyfriends personality is they type that when you say "Oh we need to change the light bulb in the bedroom" he says "Well I have to replace the whole fan so I'll do it next week when I can afford a new fan". He doenst EVER want to half- * * * anything.

 

I am betting that everytime he considered getting me flowers or a card or whatever, he just says to himself "oh well I was planning on doing that really big surprise in a few months so I should just wait until then".

 

I am certain that is his thought pattern. And maybe he never will ''fix the whole fan" because he is a procrastinator. But that is just the way I am looking at it and it helps me. Because I know he's a sweet guy and loves me so much, I don't want to be the girl who expects things too much.

[Lovely8466]

No he didn't use to be like this. In the beginning he use to be romantic, i guess to impress me, but now he isn't. I had a serious talk with him last night about this... and he apologized. One of you were right though... I kind of realized I haven't been doing some things as well... which could be why he was not too. I guess I should give it time and see if anything changes. Thanks fora ll the advice!