I am not homosexual but I have to really wonder why

[sarsapolis6]

I seemed to lack the drive, insight and interest at a early age (as young as kindergarten years) to chase after girls because I liked them. I think my childhood has severely affected my dating life because I keep noticing that my track record for having relationships or having casual fun with girls is low compared to other guys in my city.

 

I have a couple of reasons:

-- I was raised as an only child, and I did not interact with family members who could serve as role models to how guys interact with girls because all of my cousins, uncles, aunts, were older and lived in another city. Whereas the other boys lived in households where the family was present all the time.

-- My family hardly went to church whereas the other boys probably went to church every Sunday with their families, and so those boys got introduced to girls at an early age.

-- Maybe my dad didn't spend enough time teaching me about girls. The only things I remember from my childhood bonding with pop is catching footballs, learning how to draw, and other son-pop things that didn't have anything to do with "preparing for the future". I don't believe I was instilled with the knowledge to "find a woman, have fun, and then one day get married to her when you're older".

-- None of my friends (or associates) gave me a reason why they wore the nicest clothes, or bragged to everyone about the latest thing their older brother/cousin/relative bought for them. I wished that I had gotten a clue and realized that impressing girls

-- I don't know why I didn't realize that my shyness and personality kept me from getting along with the girls..because I was quiet and did not play sports or chase after girls I was labeled as "weird" and it most definetly came from the girls. To this day I am slightly jealous when a guy tells me that "I've known Clara, or Sue, or Shirley, or "________" since we were kids!!" He's basically telling me that he didn't have to worry about being accepted by the girls at a very young age, which led to friendships or a relationship that lasts through the middle school years, during highschool and even in college.

-- Maybe I should've bonded with male friends more, because in every group of pals you have one guy who doesn't have a clue about how to relate to women, but at least he's got buddies willing to help him out.

 

It was frustrating actually writing this!

[Dismember_05]

dude, blaming your shortcomings with women from what seems to be a well balanced upbringing is pretty immature. I mean looking at the list you have made, I didn't socialize with family, as they lived in another country. Or go to church, and my dad never talked to me about women. Its something that you have to develop on your own, go out and enjoy yourself.

 

Also stop worrying about the fact that some preceive you as 'weird'. I mean me being into metal like cryptopsy and deicide isn't considered normal by many, but really who gives a ****, just be who you are and don't apoligize for it.

 

Blaming your mates because they didn't tell you why they wore things is putting the blame where it doesn't belong. It isn't their responsibility to give reasons for what they wear. Just put on what you feel comfortable in, whether others percieve it as 'out of fashion' or not.

 

Shyness aint that uncommon dude, and you can get past it, but to achieve this you have to get out and have fun. And yes you should bond with male friends more, not just for the sake of getting women but because a true mate is better than most girls anyway until you find one thats really worth being around.

 

Anyway man, i do get where you're coming from, but the way to meet girls is to stop caring about what they think of you and just do your own thing. Just enjoy the time with your mates, and head out with them occasionly and you'll meet someone who'll change your life for the better.

[Alabama]

Just because you didn't chase girls at an early age, does not mean you're a homosexual now. You're still 25 and you still have a chance to meet and date a girl. It's not impossible. Read up on dating, ask friends thier opinions, go to clubs, do things to socialize and learn NOW! Quit regretting your past mistakes and make a change in the future. It's not to late.

[Cyberchick]

I agree, get out there. A great way to meet women is online dating. I wasn't having too much luck with dating and then I went on lavalife. That's how I met my bf. Online dating is a great way to meet girls if you are shy.

[Caldus]

Yeah, blaming your past for your inability to reach your goal now is not the way to go. I would have said the exact same things that the other people here have said, but they have already said them.

 

I am going to copy an excerpt out of a book I read recently (it is concerning Nietzsche's "thus I willed it"):

 

"To say yes is to take responsibility for the past. "Thus I willed it" means that every experience serves us. The noble figure does not take seriously even the worse of enemies. Rather than give in to the brooding of ressentiment, the true ubermensch finds the good in what someone has done to him or her and uses that as the basis for personal development. In such a way one gets the best of one's enemies."