Esmeralda Posted March 19, 2006 Author Share Posted March 19, 2006 Of course, once you have met 'quality men' it is important to make sure that you are a 'quality woman' because they may be as discriminating as you are. Good point lol Well, if your idea of a Quality Woman" is one that is brutally honest, straight-forward, does not cheat (under ANY circumstances), down to earth and loves to dance, then I have no problems. Hopefully that quality man will overlook my less than stellar attributes (hey, I'm not perfect!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted March 19, 2006 Share Posted March 19, 2006 Do you really mean 'brutally honest'? There is a vast difference between 'honest' and brutally honest'. If that is not just hyperbole on your part you may want to rethink the way you interact with people. There is no need to be dishonest or say things you don't mean, but it is also possible to say what you mean in a way that does not a) hurt people's feelings and b) make you appear to 'quality men' as someone they feel they could very easily live without. Personally, I don't find people who have no regard for other people's feelings particularly attractive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scout Posted March 19, 2006 Share Posted March 19, 2006 Do you really mean 'brutally honest'? There is a vast difference between 'honest' and brutally honest'. If that is not just hyperbole on your part you may want to rethink the way you interact with people. There is no need to be dishonest or say things you don't mean, but it is also possible say what you mean in a way that does not a) hurt people's feelings and b) make you appear to 'quality men' as someone they feel they could very easily live without. Personally, I don't find people who have no regard for other people's feelings particularly attractive. Lol, I have to confess when I read "brutally honest" I paused for thought, too...of course, some people out there might find that is a refreshing quality. But, I personally have yet to meet someone who preferred I be brutally, rather than gently, honest. What did you mean by that exactly? It was the first term you used to describe yourself, and I don't want to misread things. But, if it's a trait you perceive has been met with rather poor reception in the past, you might want to repackage it a bit, as "diplomatic, but honest in your opinions." All that being said, your enthusiasm for the new ideas you've read here certainly indicates you have an open mind and like to have a good time, and I find those are the most interesting people to get to know! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scout Posted March 19, 2006 Share Posted March 19, 2006 Also, I have a quick question...is being single in Manhattan anything like the way it's portrayed in Sex and the City? If so....yikes! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Esmeralda Posted March 19, 2006 Author Share Posted March 19, 2006 Do you really mean 'brutally honest'? There is a vast difference between 'honest' and brutally honest'. If that is not just hyperbole on your part you may want to rethink the way you interact with people. There is no need to be dishonest or say things you don't mean, but it is also possible to say what you mean in a way that does not a) hurt people's feelings and b) make you appear to 'quality men' as someone they feel they could very easily live without. Personally, I don't find people who have no regard for other people's feelings particularly attractive. I wouldn't find that attactive either. That was a hyperbole. I'm 100% honest but will do it in a way as to not hurt someone's feeling. Example: if someone likes me, I'll tell them that I really like them but not in a romantic way. I don't like leading people on. I've actually made a couple of really good friends this way. We have great "friendship" chemistry. And before you say it...no, they don't want to get in my pants lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Esmeralda Posted March 19, 2006 Author Share Posted March 19, 2006 Also, I have a quick question...is being single in Manhattan anything like the way it's portrayed in Sex and the City? If so....yikes! LOLOLOL It is to a certain degree. Ive done the bar/lounge/club scene and have had my share of Cosmos (maybe more than my share lol). It's not difficult to meet people here. But I think it's difficult to "connect". Too much going on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TiredMan Posted March 19, 2006 Share Posted March 19, 2006 For the NYers, Why wait for guys to approach you? Why not just always approach them? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dako Posted March 19, 2006 Share Posted March 19, 2006 Dako, I hope you don't think of yourself as undesirable. Remember, if you don't like yourself, what makes you think someone else will? To me, an undesirable is someone who's not honest, does not have integrity, etc. In your OP you listed separated as an undesirable trait. I'm awaiting a divorce. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Esmeralda Posted March 19, 2006 Author Share Posted March 19, 2006 For the NYers, Why wait for guys to approach you? Why not just always approach them? I guess I'm shy. I wouldn't feel comfortable approaching a guy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Esmeralda Posted March 19, 2006 Author Share Posted March 19, 2006 In your OP you listed separated as an undesirable trait. I'm awaiting a divorce. Yes, sorry lol I've had bad experiences with separated men. I like for the ink to dry on those divorce papers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dako Posted March 19, 2006 Share Posted March 19, 2006 That's an excellent idea. That's why I'm undesirable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Esmeralda Posted March 19, 2006 Author Share Posted March 19, 2006 That's an excellent idea. That's why I'm undesirable. Hey, look at it on the bright side...you won't be separated for ever. Also, other women don't find it undesirable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarnelianButterfly Posted March 19, 2006 Share Posted March 19, 2006 That's why I'm undesirable. I happen to disagree Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NewPhillyGuy Posted March 19, 2006 Share Posted March 19, 2006 Sounds like I need to move to NYC. Honestly I have been thinking about it. Its just extremely hard to find a decent guy in NYC that has great qualities. Maybe thats why theres so many single women here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted March 20, 2006 Share Posted March 20, 2006 I guess I'm shy. I wouldn't feel comfortable approaching a guy. But do you expect men, shy or otherwise, to approach you? What happened to being straightforward and down to earth? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TiredMan Posted March 20, 2006 Share Posted March 20, 2006 I guess I'm shy. I wouldn't feel comfortable approaching a guy. So then you can't really complain about guys in NY or anywhere. You kinda expect THEM to do the work, which makes no sense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scout Posted March 20, 2006 Share Posted March 20, 2006 So then you can't really complain about guys in NY or anywhere. You kinda expect THEM to do the work, which makes no sense. It seems to me she's willing to put in effort by asking where she can go to meet these guys, because she realizes her current methods aren't producing the results she's looking for. Don't be so hard on her! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TiredMan Posted March 20, 2006 Share Posted March 20, 2006 It seems to me she's willing to put in effort by asking where she can go to meet these guys, because she realizes her current methods aren't producing the results she's looking for. Don't be so hard on her! I don't think I'm being hard on her. Not like I said "quit whining" or something like that lol. My point is that this "characteristic" is common among some women. They knock guys who they call "unfriendly" since they don't approach them but when asked why they don't approach guys, they come up with an entirely different reason. People are very quick to label someone else but not themselves. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scout Posted March 20, 2006 Share Posted March 20, 2006 Maybe I missed something, I didn't see where she was knocking guys or calling them unfriendly. She did admit to being shy, but it seems she's trying to overcome that by exploring new places and ways to meet people. That being said, I have to point out a personal observation. I read lots of posts from guys here on eNotalone that they always have to do all the approaching. And if that many people are saying so, I believe it. But from my perspective as a female, it seems guys hardly do any approaching anymore. Seriously! I am really confused about the disconnect of what I'm reading, and what I'm actually experiencing. Because every boyfriend I've had in the last ten years, I approached first, and even pursued a bit. Sorry, didn't mean to hijack the thread, lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TiredMan Posted March 20, 2006 Share Posted March 20, 2006 Maybe I missed something, I didn't see where she was knocking guys or calling them unfriendly. She did admit to being shy, but it seems she's trying to overcome that by exploring new places and ways to meet people. That being said, I have to point out a personal observation. I read lots of posts from guys here on eNotalone that they always have to do all the approaching. And if that many people are saying so, I believe it. But from my perspective as a female, it seems guys hardly do any approaching anymore. Seriously! I am really confused about the disconnect of what I'm reading, and what I'm actually experiencing. Because every boyfriend I've had in the last ten years, I approached first, and even pursued a bit. Sorry, didn't mean to hijack the thread, lol. Actually someone else talked about that and she responded with "I should move to cali" or something which is basically verifying the statement. That may be the case but trust me, there are PLENTY of women out there who expect the guy to do all that, pay for the dates, and all the other old school things. At the same time, they want to be considered equal. Blows my mind lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scout Posted March 20, 2006 Share Posted March 20, 2006 Actually someone else talked about that and she responded with "I should move to cali" or something which is basically verifying the statement. That may be the case but trust me, there are PLENTY of women out there who expect the guy to do all that, pay for the dates, and all the other old school things. At the same time, they want to be considered equal. Blows my mind lol. Hmmm...I think in general, both men and women are very confused with what their "roles" are supposed to be these days. And stupid books like "The Rules" and dumb "The System" advice columns for men (that actually assign "numbers" to a woman's interest level!) are not helping with this confusion at all. To the original poster, do yourself a big favor and ignore any dating rules/stereotypes you hear about, and just pursue the interests you really love. That more than anything will lead you to a kindred spirit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TiredMan Posted March 21, 2006 Share Posted March 21, 2006 Hmmm...I think in general, both men and women are very confused with what their "roles" are supposed to be these days. And stupid books like "The Rules" and dumb "The System" advice columns for men (that actually assign "numbers" to a woman's interest level!) are not helping with this confusion at all. Magazines for women are just as bad no? Again, the whole concept to me is horrid. And rereading the posts, i think my point is still valid. Many women don't want to approach a guy and EXPECT the guys to approach them, and then say there arent enough "decent" or "quality" guys when it doesn't happen often. Pick up the initiative and do it yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scout Posted March 21, 2006 Share Posted March 21, 2006 Oh yes, magazines like Cosmopolitan are abhorrent, in my opinion. And the book "The Rules" was written by two women, for women, and their whole premise was to basically treat a guy like you didn't care about him, because that was the only way you could "land" one (which is confusing in itself, are women supposed to be predators and men prey? or vice versa? why does either gender have to be either...whatever happened to just really hitting it off with someone and going from there!). Of course, that book did a lot of damage in many ways for both genders. By the way, both of the writers of that ridiculous book are now divorced. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RayKay Posted March 21, 2006 Share Posted March 21, 2006 Oh yes, magazines like Cosmopolitan are abhorrent, in my opinion. And the book "The Rules" was written by two women, for women, and their whole premise was to basically treat a guy like you didn't care about him, because that was the only way you could "land" one (which is confusing in itself, are women supposed to be predators and men prey? or vice versa? why does either gender have to be either...whatever happened to just really hitting it off with someone and going from there!). Of course, that book did a lot of damage in many ways for both genders. By the way, both of the writers of that ridiculous book are now divorced. Yup and I find that hilarious. They could get one to marry them, but sure couldn't keep one around..lol. Or have a relationship with one... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drum4god Posted March 21, 2006 Share Posted March 21, 2006 Oh yes, magazines like Cosmopolitan are abhorrent, in my opinion. And the book "The Rules" was written by two women, for women, and their whole premise was to basically treat a guy like you didn't care about him, because that was the only way you could "land" one (which is confusing in itself, are women supposed to be predators and men prey? or vice versa? why does either gender have to be either...whatever happened to just really hitting it off with someone and going from there!). Of course, that book did a lot of damage in many ways for both genders. By the way, both of the writers of that ridiculous book are now divorced. I couldn't agree more. People are so caught up in games, and tactics that there never seems to be room for geniune love. It stinks. BTW Scout I am New York drummer that is in a band also. They say the singers get the chicks, but drummers are sexy as hell, aren't they? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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