I Want Him Back... Im so confused! Please Help!

[self_cutter_101]

My boyfriend and I havent been 2gether 4 awhile. Atfirst he wanted me back but i wasent sure. After awhile, I started thinking about him and liking him more in the process. I want him back now. I called him 1 day an we talked 4ever. I called him a couple times after that. Finally I asked him if he still liked me b/c he knew I liked him, hes jus 1 of those people that can figure things like that out w/o asking. He said yes but these girls @ school kept like messing wit him an bringing on drama so he was staying out of relationships 4 awhile. After that I found out that he was goin 2 go out with this other girl so i tried 2 talk 2 him more so he would double think it. They started goin out an I didnt want 2 get in the middle of things so i didnt talk 2 him as much, and now we dont talk @ all. I miss him so much an it hurts 2 c them 2gether. He jus got on yahoo an I messeged him an he never messeged bac an just signed off! What should I Do?!?!?!? Please Help! ](*,)

[Süsser Tod]

What about not wasting your time with him?

 

You gave him the chance and he flat lied to you, turned you down and went for the other girl. Do you think he is worth your time?

[self_cutter_101]

No, but i cant stop think about him. I jus like him so much an lately ive been getting alot of heart break an i cant take it anymore.

[moink75]

Do you miss the relationship you had or do you miss the friendship. There is a big difference. Perhaps it is the lost frienship. Take heart, you deserve better.

[self_cutter_101]

I dont think its the relationship, its A relationship that i miss.

[blender]

These feelings you have right now will pass, they are "feelings" not "facts". You are simply grieving right now, that's just how it's going to "feel". Try to "let go" of thoughts of him and anyone else, life is a journey and you are on a road to wonderful things, but you won't see them if you keep looking backwards instead of forward, Here's the stages of grief, as outlined on enotalone:

 

You will get through this, even if it doesn't feel like that right now. Grief moves in stages - it has a beginning, middle, and an end phase. It might help to know where you are in the process.

 

In the beginning, you may feel in shock, denial, or numb. It may be hard for you to believe what has happened. It may be hard to make sense of it all. You may find yourself expecting to come home to your partner or for her/him to call at a regular time only to discover that's not the case any longer. It may take awhile for you to fully comprehend that the relationship is over.

 

During this phase many people operate as if the relationship is still on even as they grieve the loss. For example, even though you may be really upset, you may not have fully accepted that the relationship is over. Deep down you may be waiting for her/him to come back. (People do this even after a death, it's normal.) This period of disbelief or shock is the body's natural protection against pain.

 

You may try to get back together even when you know it's over. You may go over and over in your mind and with everyone you talk to what you think led to the break up or what might have made a difference and resulted in a different outcome. This is the "if only" stage - "if only I had...or, if only I hadn't..." we might still be together. If you are doing this, you are likely trying to make sense of what has happened, trying to understand and take it in, and trying to change it too. It's hard to take in that a break up is permanent. You'll need time to fully absorb this reality.

 

At this stage, you may have trouble remembering things, focusing, and feeling a sense of purpose or direction in their lives - you may feel as though you are drifting through the day. This is a natural initial reaction to loss.

 

The Second Stage of Grief

 

The second stage involves feeling fear, anger and depression. This stage often lasts the longest and can be filled with feelings of insecurity, panic, worry, crying, anger, and feelings of depression. Some people don't allow themselves to feel, while others have trouble letting go of how they are feeling. Both are essential - feeling and eventually letting go.

 

Some people worry that if they let themselves feel that they'll be overcome with emotion and never come out of it - they'll drown in their feelings and not be able to function. Others feel their feelings but can't seem to let go of them even after a lot of time has passed. Either way, it's important to give yourself permission to feel and at some point to let go so that you can move on.

 

In the beginning, you may think that you will always feel this way, but you won't. Your feelings will pass. You'll discover that the time between down periods increases. Too often with break-ups we don't feel that we have the right to feel upset much longer than a few weeks when the truth is it usually takes longer. I have found that grief tends to run a cycle of at least one year unless of course the relationship wasn't very important, was short-term, or you were grieving before you actually left her/him. But, if you spent a number of years together, and the person was important to you, even if you're the one doing the breaking up you can still be grieving for approximately one year. Of course with very long term relationships, it can take even longer to feel back on your feet but it is still possible to recover.

 

The Third Stage of Grief

 

This is the stage where you begin to accept that the relationship is over, and that you're going to be okay. You realize that you haven't thought about your ex-partner in awhile, and that without realizing it you are moving on. You've gained back some of your zest for life, and are beginning to see a future ahead of you.

 

Sometimes the process involves a little movement forward and a little back. This is okay and perfectly normal, after all you need to get used to your forward steps and occasionally may need the comfort of what you were feeling before. Try not to be hard on yourself, change is not a linear path. It's full of up's and down's. It's okay to feel good and then feel hurt and angry again, especially if you see her/him in the community or dating someone else.

 

In the acceptance stage, you've done a lot of thinking about the relationship and the break-up and you realize things that you hadn't before. You understand yourself better, and you aren't as angry or hurt. You find yourself laughing more, and feeling hopeful. You begin to notice that you're feeling better and that you are ready to trust again, or at least to try.

 

Try not to lose faith if you fall back into a funk - each time that you feel better will have an accumulative effect. Grief comes in waves - up and down.

 

Sometimes letting go just happens after you've let yourself grieve and rage and whatever else you need to do. Other times, people have to deliberately and consciously focus on letting go. It is tempting to hold on, and scary to let go. Saying to yourself that you are letting go of your ex-partner can be helpful. Interrupting yourself when you get stuck thinking or talking about her/him and redirecting your focus onto something else is all part of letting go.

 

Filling your life with activities that you enjoy - creative, playful, sociable, soulful activities - are all ways to nurture yourself back to health.

 

Breaking-up can feel unbearably hard and so permanent. Let yourself know that you won't always feel this way and in the meantime let yourself grieve your losses fully. You will feel stronger and lighter for having done so.

[self_cutter_101]

I jus wanna know y I ALWAYS HAPPENS 2 ME?!??!?!?

~Danielle

[moink75]

do you look for the same qualities in each relationship? We are creatures of habit. We stay with what we are comfortable with. Do you try to fix them, or change them? Do you look for the bad ones? Good relationships take work. You are woth the wait. Do not settle, find a relationship worthy of you

[solo34]

It happens because you're 15...You're only 15 and shouldn't be taking any relationship so serious.

 

-Solo34

[self_cutter_101]

Yea I know, but its not like im lookin 4 sum1 2 marry. I jus want SUM1, u know.

[solo34]

Depend on yourself 1st. U don't NEED anyone other than yourself.

 

And what's with the name SelfCutter? Are U into cutting yourself?

 

-Solo34

[moink75]

don't settle. Be true to yourself

[self_cutter_101]

I use 2 cut, im basically over it, but theres still a slight slight possibility that anymore drama like this could set it all off again.

[blender]

You do have someone, you have YOU... just keep working on YOU, learn something new, do volunteer work at a local hospital, you're young and NOW is the time to try and start to become someone YOU would admire, you have all the possiblities ahead of you... concentrate on what great things may be ahead for you, they are there if you believe, even if it feels like a "dream" to have a great life, if you dream about it enough and start acting like you deserve it, it will all come to you... YOU DO DESERVE WONDERFUL THINGS IN YOUR LIFE... just look ahead, not backwards.. live and learn, learn more and live miracles...

[solo34]

If you're gonna be cutting yourself, U should really get some professional help.

 

-Solo34

[self_cutter_101]

I know about professional help ok...

[Mix Maxster]

It really sounds like you are suffering. Whatever it is that is "missing" or causing the suffering, you seek out in a relationship for. And what you haven't learned to do yet is to be nurturing to yourself, so you find external ways (i.e. relationships, cutting yourself, food is another big one if you find yourself eating a lot.) and it gives you the feeling that you are feeling better when really you're just camouflage it. Perhaps this could give some perspective to what is happening.

[neolithic]

listen. i know exactly how you feel. i used to be like that when i was your age. i even really liked good charlotte. i wasn't really a cutter, although i did that occasionally. mostly i just played with eating disorders, mixing them around, and i was really really into OD'ing on pain pills. you feel like you'll never feel better. like if you don't have someone you'll just be so lonely that you'll want to die. i know exactly how it feels.

 

and at that point in your life it's fun to have someone. but let me tell you right now. i got dependent on relationships when i was your age, to sort of "outsource" my depression and issues within myself. now i'm still hopping in and out of relationships. none of them really work in the long run, and although i'm still young, i think it's because of what i started when i was 15. i was strung along like no other by some boy (my first love.. sigh) who was not worth it on ANY level. it's taken me this long (though i do feel i'm actually really lucky to have discovered it so early, as some people never do), four years of addiction to these relationships, to realize that i don't need a boyfriend. i don't need ANYONE! that's why i was born a single person and not married or physically attached to anyone.

 

this might sound futile or even fruity, but you might try reading "joie de vivre." it's about finding the pleasures in life itself, but it's not a stupid oprah self help book like, "don't sweat the small stuff" or anything. it might seem like a stupid recommendation but it's helped me. and if you're anything like me, it's worth trying.

 

i know you feel very very alone, or desparate. i hated therapy. i think it just made things worse for me. you don't need that stuff if it doesn't work for you, you can do it yourself.

 

do you spend much time outdoors? i don't even know why i asked that. i was cooped up in my computer room day in and day out when i was your age. but not getting enough sunlight causes some vitamin D deficiency or something and the point is that it can worsen depression. also, start eating a lot of dark leafy greens, like spinach salads. that can help too. try taking a vitamin, especially with vitamin B's. these are all the little things that helped me.

 

once you can find the things that make you happy, like, i don't know, stupid things like an italian cream soda at otherland's on the deck and grape smelly erasers, then those things basically become your boyfriend. do you like to read? when i end a relationship i immediately turn to old british literature. i know this might sound sort of preachy, but i relate to you a lot. i hated being where you were, it seemed so pointless and endless.

 

but it's great that you realize that it's having any relationship you miss. that's already a step to understanding that you really DONT need someone, just yourself. seriously, don't get into serious relationships until you're much much older. even the latter half of college may be too young. have fun, sheesh! i wish i'd had that motto..

 

you can PM me if you want to talk privately, we can AIM it up or anything really. i hope i've helped at all