interested??

[krissy]

I dated this guy back almost 2 years ago now. We met and it was instant chemistry. The only bad thing was that he was going away in a month for around 4 months.. So he kept telling me he wish we could be more but couldnt at this time and we'll see what happens when he gets back. Well he got back 4 months later and we never really hung out alone. He invited me to a couple of his parties but just as friends. At this point I was dating someone else and i think he knew but never asked. So to me it seemed that he wasnt interested in me anymore. I did see him downtown (at a bar) one night and he was with another girl. I tried to pass him without talking but he yelled my name and gave me a big hug.

 

Anyway, after being home for about 5 months he left for a year. So i just figured he thought no reason to get attached to someone if I'm just gonna be going away again. I went to his going away party but I didnt talk to him much. But as I was leaving he seemed disappointed and kissed me on the cheek. He sent weekly emails while he was away and a group of his friends and i chatted with him every few months or so on MSN. He always calls me baby when talking to me and mentioned a couple times that he wanted me to take him out in my new car when he gets home (i bought a car while he was away).

 

I ran into him downtown last night and was going just to walk on by cause I got kinda nervous but he called me over and hugged me. We chatted for a bit but my friends wanted to get going.

 

The way he looks at me is almost as though he looks right through me. He gives me shivers. No one has ever looked at me the way he does. He makes me feel like all of his attention is on me. He just keeps staring into my eyes. ANyway, I left with my friends but I wanted to stay.

 

I just wanted to know your opinions on this. Do you think he is like this with all girls? Maybe he is just a player. He did tell me one time while he was away that the only time he had a good time with a girl was when he was dating me because he didnt feel any pressure.

 

When he got home the first time (after 4 months) i told him we should get together and catch up but he never called. We would chat online but I would never bring it up because I didnt want to see like I was pressuring him into doing anything he didnt want to do.

 

He is online now but hasnt messaged me. Should I just message him and ask him or if he wanted to see me would he ask?

 

I just keep thinking that if he was interested he would be the one asking me to do things because thats how it was when we dated. let me know your views.

[Alabama]

From the way he talks and the way he is interacting with you, I think the 'spark' you two had, may have died. He seems he still likes you as a friend, but I don't think it's anymore than that. He talks to you when he sees you, but as you pointed out, he doens't call you personally to hang out, like 2 years ago. That's how I see it.

[petepete]

I would just email him and be as open and honest as you possibly can about how you feel and what you want from him and what you want for your future and ask him to please do the same. Hopefully this should end the confusion which may be happening on both sides. If you would still like to be friends if he isn't interested in a b/f g/f relationship then tell him this in your e-mail. If you are very open and honest with him and he does not return this he isn't worth having anyway. I would ask him if he has a fear of commitment and to exploain why he said " I prefer dating because there is no pressure". Perhaps it is because of a bad experience in the past. Basic Froidian psychology is to bring the start of a problem out in the open and talk about it in order to envoke healing. perhaps he is just a player, if he is a real friend he will tell you this if you ask. You need to know whats going on because it sounds like you really like him a lot maybe even love him but you can have friends who you love a lot but were never meqant to be b/f g/f. If you have mutual friends who are women I would ask them for advice about him. He probably did know when you had a boyfriend either from mutual friends or perhaps just from looking into your eyes. I feel I know more about someone by looking in their eyes for 30 seconds than talking with little eye contact for 2 hours or more. good luck with everything.