Sick of all the lies & jealousy

[queenofvalidation]

Hey Guys,

 

I need some advice on how to deal with my best friends other friend. She keeps trying to get in between us.

 

She has told him lies about me. She butts into our conversations. She eave drops (she's quiet and sneaky). Every time he comes my way, she's right there. She blatantly dogs my daughter. It's been going on for quite some time, so my friend told me I should call her and try to get things right... She hung up on me! And, then when I confronted her about it in front of him, she lied and said she never got the call (I'm crazy, made it all up). I made her show her call log & she started crying & lying.

 

My friend said she would never do that kind of thing (must have been a dropped call) & said I should apologize to her and try to make things right. He denies that she's jealous & doesn't know where I'm coming from.

 

So, I apologized for reeming her and tried to get everything out in the open with her. I apologized to him for all the drama and promised to not let it happen again.

 

Last night, she tried to start an argument with me in front of him and I just turned my back to her and ignored her. Did I do the right thing?

 

Don't know what else to do. Anybody have any great words of wisdom? I know there's alot of bright people on this forum. Please post.

[CarnelianButterfly]

I think you did the right thing not letting her get to you, but it sounds like she's going to be a long term problem. Have you had a serious talk with your friend on this, told him how bothersome she is to you? It sounds like she's just hanging on to him, he might be as annoyed as you are. I would say talk to him and see how he feels, if he doesn't feel she's a problem then you should just ignore her completely, don't let her bate you and don't let her nastiness taint your friendship with him.

[Mrocza]

He denies that she's jealous. Is he blind or doesn't want to face to music?

 

The girl sounds like a destructive, manipulative and catty person. She does sound jealous. Otherwise, she would have no other reason to make up stories and try to get you and your buddy apart.

 

Is he just your friend though? Do you and him , or her and him, have any romantic history?

 

She has no right to try to break up your friendship. You shouldn't have to deal with her. Your friend knows he's the one in the middle, so why don't you ask HIM to do something about it and talk to her.

[RandomAdvisor]

I have to echo everything faire said in her post. What exactly is the nature of the friendship between the three of you?

[queenofvalidation]

I have to echo everything faire said in her post. What exactly is the nature of the friendship between the three of you?

 

Thanks Everybody!

 

We've all known each other about 7 yrs. She's 20 yo, she's his assistant coach & a jr olympic athlete, absolutely gorgeous girl. My friend states that's all there is btwn them. She has a bf her own age.

 

She is also my daughters ride to & from gym atleast 4 times/wk. I am now driving my daughter because she has been so snotty with her lately. Which is very inconvenient for me.

 

He & I are 40ish. He & I have secret history & have remained mutual friends throughout. I think shes very jealous of a bond she doesn't understand. I think it's completely possible she cant stand it that my friend pays me so much attention. He babies her & is probably much more attentive to her when I'm not around is my best guess.

 

Yes, I did try to talk with him about her. He writes off her behavior as being "just nosey" and "childish".

[RandomAdvisor]

This is a really sticky situation because your friend seems completely blind to her behavior, or is afraid to confront it. If he'll admit she's being childish though, maybe you can use that as a way of getting your "foot in the door" so to speak and see if he can try to reason with her that way.

 

Other than that, the best I can advise has already been said: when she starts acting like this, just ignore her.

[Dutchy]

First I must say that you did the right things in this situation. You apologised and then you ignored her when she was trying to start a fight. this will not create an awkward situation between you an your friend or between your friend and her. However, it seems that this girl is not going to stop. Maybe she wants loving attention from your friend. It could also be a reaction to the age gap. You have experienced much more in your life and you have been building up some wisdom. In her eyes you would be a good match with your friend. This makes her even more jealous. If she doesn't want love from your friend, than maybe she only wants attention from your friend and she does't want to share that with you. I don't know much of you entire situation, but this is what comes up in my mind. I wish you good luck.

 

One question: How did you find out she was eave dropping? Didn't your friend notice or doesn't he want to see it?

[queenofvalidation]

One question: How did you find out she was eave dropping? Didn't your friend notice or doesn't he want to see it?

 

Thanks Everybody!

 

Sometimes when he & I are captivated by our conversation, focusing only on each other, she will then butt in. It is at that point we realize she is even there & has been listening in.

 

I guess He doesn't see it, but I've always noticed if he comes my way she tries to extract him from the situation. For the past few months, it's become clear to my daughter & I, she wants his focus on her. Blatantly demeaning my daughters performance at gym as well as dismissing everything my daughter says as stupid or unimportant and trying to make me look disloyal.

 

I see it like this...She doesn't like the attention he pays to me (for whatever reason-childish/nosey/jealous/just friend or love interest?). She's my daughters ride (80 mi roundtrip 4x/wk). So, if she can get him to dislike me & demotivate/make it impossible for my daughter to attend gym, then she will have all his attention on her.

 

The situation seems to be getting better since I've been driving my daughter to gym & ignoring her. He & I are getting along ok, albeit distant.