monsieur Posted March 18, 2006 Share Posted March 18, 2006 Why is it that so many women "friendzone" so many guys.... It seems to be a one sided phenomenon.... you don't see many guys at all 'friendzoning' women that really want to be with them.... Shouldn't us guys feel a little bit unhappy and rejected if a women thinks they like us lots enough to want to be good friends but there must be something wrong with us because they don't want to be in love with us?... like they would much rather wait for a better offer... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrokenHeartGirl Posted March 18, 2006 Share Posted March 18, 2006 They friendzone because their not physically attracted to the guy their friends with, kinda like their brother. Im sorry but its the truth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
monsieur Posted March 18, 2006 Author Share Posted March 18, 2006 but what if the guy "is" attractive, and they tell him that he is handsome and attractive, why then do they still "friendzone" the poor guy?????? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ves Posted March 18, 2006 Share Posted March 18, 2006 My guess is that it's a softer form of rejection. Women don't want to be mean and just cut the guy out of their life, hence "Let's be friends". That reminds me of "When Harry Met Sally": "Men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way. ... No man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her." ETA: There are people who I find physically attractive, but yet I'm not attracted to them (and then guys I like who aren't "traditionally" attractive but I have the hots for). Pheromones or something. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrokenHeartGirl Posted March 18, 2006 Share Posted March 18, 2006 Well do you think their telling him hes handsome to make him feel better and not hurt his feelings? Many women do that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
monsieur Posted March 18, 2006 Author Share Posted March 18, 2006 I think it is something deeper than that, somehow women can think a guy looks really handsome and cute, but for some strange reason she doesn't want to love him, but just be friends. I don't think a guy could think a girl was hot and just want to be friends with her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrokenHeartGirl Posted March 18, 2006 Share Posted March 18, 2006 I never knew any girls who were single including myself who thought a guy was very handsome but wanted nothing more than friendship. Usually girls want friendship only with guys who they do not find hot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arrowsmith Posted March 18, 2006 Share Posted March 18, 2006 M. it's easy -- women tend to have a higher threshold for dating guys then guys do for dating women. I know lots of guys who would love to date a few cute girls per year. I know fewer women to whom that scenario is attractive. Also, since BrokenHeartGirl is a girl, she probably knows what she's talking about. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
monsieur Posted March 18, 2006 Author Share Posted March 18, 2006 ETA: There are people who I find physically attractive, but yet I'm not attracted to them (and then guys I like who aren't "traditionally" attractive but I have the hots for). Pheromones or something. I think ves said it best, for some strange reason women can find a physically attractive guy 'unattractive', and a physically not traditionally attractive guy attractive...... women make so little sense it is no wonder us guys are so confused. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrokenHeartGirl Posted March 18, 2006 Share Posted March 18, 2006 when it comes down to it, she doesnt feel attracted for some reason thats the bottom line. Something about the guy puts her off-maybe he acts like her brother? Something like that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
monsieur Posted March 18, 2006 Author Share Posted March 18, 2006 she is put off, yet she still likes to be good friends with him, that is what I find insulting good enough to be a friend, not good enough to love, with friends like that I guess I don't need any enemies...... and she makes me feel much worse inside about myself than any real enemy ever has Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ves Posted March 18, 2006 Share Posted March 18, 2006 good enough to be a friend, not good enough to love, with friends like that I guess I don't need any enemies...... and she makes me feel much worse inside about myself than any real enemy ever has Isn't that the most annoying thing? A few weeks ago, I found myself crying over a guy I liked who hadn't called me, and I started thinking, "Why do I like this guy so much if he is making me cry?" ](*,) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
monsieur Posted March 18, 2006 Author Share Posted March 18, 2006 yes, it is strange how loving someone can cause so much pain inside Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss M Posted March 18, 2006 Share Posted March 18, 2006 I can't speak for all women, but it seems that for some of us, when we say a guy is "hot" that doesn't mean we want to hump him in bed. Women can feel affection for a guy, think he's cute, drool over him, and not even think of him in a sexual way. It took me years to realize that so many men were thinking of women in a sexual way every time they admired her. And my guy friends took a long time to understand that a woman can admire a man without having sexual fantasies about him. And when a woman puts a guy in a friend category, it's not meant to be a personal insult against him. She doesn't think of it as a personal rejection of him. If a woman doesn't like a guy in a sexual way, there's really nothing she can do about the way she feels about him. And there's no reason to be annoyed with her when she feels that way. She can't make herself feel attraction for some guy that she doesn't like in that way just because that's what the guy wants. In other words, don't take it personally. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
avman Posted March 18, 2006 Share Posted March 18, 2006 I think there is a confusion between attractiveness and a personal attraction. Someone can be physically attractive, yet a woman (or a man) just isn't personally attracted to them. Nothing wrong with this, people have varying traits that they are attracted to. Personally I never went for the blonde bombshell types. It isn't that they aren't beautiful, just that I never found myself really drawn to them. It's a personal preference. Overall though I agree with BrokenHeartGirl. A guy is going in the friend bucket if a woman simple isn't attracted to him for whatever reason. It could be personality, timing, physical, or just something she can't explain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted March 18, 2006 Share Posted March 18, 2006 I agree with Avman - but I have also known cases where people have been friends for a number of years and then the friendship has changed into a romantic relationship. People change as they grow older. It's not even maturing in the generally accepted sense of the word. It's just that what is important to us at one point in our lives is less important than at others and vice-versa. That can apply to many aspects: career, hobbies, other interests. And what we find attractive at fifteen is not necessarily the same as at twenty or twenty five and so on. This is not to give false hope to someone who finds themselves looked upon as 'just a friend'. But I think it is important to realise that we are not 'cast in stone' as human beings - especially our feelings. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted March 18, 2006 Share Posted March 18, 2006 but what if the guy "is" attractive, and they tell him that he is handsome and attractive, why then do they still "friendzone" the poor guy?????? well, you can think your brother is handsome and attractive, but you still don't want to date him. Could be that there is another reason that she does not want to date the handsome and attractive guy. Could be a compatibility issue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ehm doubleyou Posted March 18, 2006 Share Posted March 18, 2006 what a great thread....such insight on the female mind and how they work type of info is gold for any guy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aggierocker Posted March 18, 2006 Share Posted March 18, 2006 This totally blows my mind. Sooooo effing complicated. I wish we were just like pandas. Eat, grow big, mate, and sleep. But nooooo, we've got to wear clothes, get a job, get an education, etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarnelianButterfly Posted March 18, 2006 Share Posted March 18, 2006 As a woman who was friendzoned, I know it had nothing to do with being attractive physically or personally, it was due to him not wanting a relationship. That's his choice I've got better things to do than worry. As a woman who has put men in the friendzone, I can say it is partly for the same reason, I didn't feel like having a relationship with that guy. Most of my friends are male and I have a fair idea how many of them are interested beyond being just friends, but the fact of the matter is I'm not going to date every man who wants to date me. I can really like a guy and enjoy his company, but if there is no spark I will never see him as more than a friend. It is my right to choose who I will date, a man can express his desire to date me, but I am not obligated to accept it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
monsieur Posted March 18, 2006 Author Share Posted March 18, 2006 All points taken, but the bottom line is a guy that finds himself friendzoned, especially if it happens more than once in his life, has to take it personally as it is indicative of some kind of shortcoming....... if he was more personable, charming, sexually exciting to the girl, he would not be friendzoned, but obviously he is missing some ingredients to be a successful person. It is so hurtful to be friendzoned when deep in your heart you want to love and be loved by the girl. I wish women wouldn't lead us on like they do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted March 18, 2006 Share Posted March 18, 2006 geeezz... I just got "friendzoned" by my ex boyfriend. After dating for 4 months, he told me he thought I was attractive, sweet, wonderful, fun, he loved spending time with me, .... but... he felt the "spark" was missing. He wanted to just be my friend. (And I think he was quite serious about staying friends. he was very sincere). but blah! to be "friendzoned" after 4 months of dating. ug! that hurt! ouch! I told him no way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
monsieur Posted March 18, 2006 Author Share Posted March 18, 2006 I don't really see that as "friendzoned", that is more just a gutless way of him to try to weasel out and not burn bridges and have enemies in the world. You were right to say "no way" as far as being a close friend of any sort, it would be ok to be casual semi distant friends though, that is unless his thougtlessness is an issue than you don't really need friends like that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted March 18, 2006 Share Posted March 18, 2006 geeezz... I just got "friendzoned" by my ex boyfriend. After dating for 4 months, he told me he thought I was attractive, sweet, wonderful, fun, he loved spending time with me, .... but... he felt the "spark" was missing. He wanted to just be my friend. (And I think he was quite serious about staying friends. he was very sincere). but blah! to be "friendzoned" after 4 months of dating. ug! that hurt! ouch! I told him no way. And good for you, Annie. A strong-minded thing to do. Whether he was genuine or not doesn't really matter. What is important is that you decided what was best for you and went that route. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarnelianButterfly Posted March 18, 2006 Share Posted March 18, 2006 Annie24, I never dated the guy who said "just friends" to me, but I'm still the same way you are, "no thanks". Its been a while since he gave me the brush off and frankly I don't really talk to him anymore, but he still tries to be all friendly, I think it upsets him, but I'm not interested. Monsieur, being friends isn't leading someone on. That is a horrible thing to say, friendship isn't meant to be a dating holding pattern, its friendship, care and companionship without the sexual or serious additions of a relationship. If you're friendzoned, get over it and move on, its not healthy to dwell on failure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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