Am I thinking too hard about this or...

[thoughts]

did a red flag just hit me in the head?

 

I haven't gotten my period yet - I really do not think I am pregnant...but, like most would, I mentioned it to my boyfriend. It has been obvious I have been pms-ing, but I was just sitting on our bed and I looked at him and I said, "OMG let me get my period today!" I have cramps - I was just complaining.

 

WELL...

 

his response, "well if you are pregnant, you know it's not mine!" and he left for work. I called him and I asked, "what did that mean?" and he responded, "you know exactly what that means!"

 

needless to say... I DO NOT! and now I am starting to wonder if I should be concerned that THIS is his reaction to 'OMG I may be pregnant!'???

 

in which case, THAT's a tell tale sign of something more...

 

 

thoughts?

[Goodfun88]

Hmm, lets see. Have you guys always used protection? How long have you been together? Seems like a strange response, but maybe you are missing part of it. Thinking that your girlfriend might be pregnant can be a scary thought for some guys. Still what he said was rude. Does he suspect you of cheating? Weird for sure.

[shes2smart]

I read over some of your previous posts about your bf. (I'm assuming this is still the guy who's ex still keeps contacting him?) You said in some of your previous posts that he has a history of lying.

 

This:

"well if you are pregnant, you know it's not mine!"

is not the response of a loving, caring, supportive partner to your suspicions you are pregnant.

 

Some possible reasons he may have said this:

 

1. He thinks you're cheating.

2. He's irresponsible.

3. The two of you haven't been having sex...at all.

4. He's had a vasectomy. (even if he has, he's still behaving like a jerk to say what he said)

5. He was trying to be funny and failed miserably.

 

There are probably other reasons that aren't coming to my mind, but really, there's no good reason for him to say something like that.

 

From the posts of yours I have read, I think you've been witness to several red flags. What you do with this information is entirely your choice.

 

All I know is if I thought I might be pregnant, I sure would want to know that my partner was going to be supportive, responsible, and caring about it.....not subtly accusing me of cheating on him.

[thoughts]

i obviously thought about that. no, i am not and have not cheated. but, then i thought if i said that i would come off as defensive. i asked him two times what he meant and he said both times for me to think about it. but, i take that phrase to a whole other level. i am 30 - is he trying to tell me he cannot have kids? we've spoken about having kids - we both want children - but, not after we are married.

 

it is very strange. i am completely overanalyzing - i have been really moody, we are in the process of moving, my father just had surgery and is still in the hospital. a lot on my plate. the last thing i need is to wonder about my relationship - i guess than maybe i shouldn't - i would just hate for something to blindside me - we are moving in together this weekend (we live together now - but, with another couple - we will be living just the two of us)

[thoughts]

I summarized what you wrote below and text messaged it to him. because you are right and were able to execute in writing diplomatically what i was thinking. so, thank you. we shall see what he responds - if he responds.

 

This:

Quote:

"well if you are pregnant, you know it's not mine!"

is not the response of a loving, caring, supportive partner to your suspicions you are pregnant.

 

Some possible reasons he may have said this:

 

1. He thinks you're cheating.

2. He's irresponsible.

3. The two of you haven't been having sex...at all.

4. He's had a vasectomy. (even if he has, he's still behaving like a jerk to say what he said)

5. He was trying to be funny and failed miserably.

[thoughts]

it may be the response your looking for, but its reality and it sucks to acknowledege it.

[shes2smart]

i obviously thought about that. no, i am not and have not cheated. but, then i thought if i said that i would come off as defensive. i asked him two times what he meant and he said both times for me to think about it.

 

Wow...does he play mind games like that with you a lot? That'd drive me nuts. You can't communicate with someone who does that kinda crap. My attitude is: I gave up my psychic powers to live among the mortals, so if you want me to know what you mean, how you feel or what you're thinking, you have to tell me. Then we can progress from there.

 

I was involved with a cheater once...and I only bring this up for your consideration...is it possible he's cheating on you? From my experiences with the cheater and another ex who was an alcoholic I've noticed that sometimes when someone's guilty of something, they try to shift the blame to you. With my cheating ex, it was somehow my fault he had to "resort" to meeting other women online. With the alcoholic, I wasn't being "understanding" as to why he liked to drink a little.

 

I don't want to put any suspicions into your head, so understand that I am working with only a very small amount of info you have posted here on the board. One of the thoughts I had was about his ex was this -- unless she's mentally unbalanced, most people will cease contacting an ex when they are with someone else. She hasn't (or hadn't)....I'd wonder if she was getting some sort of reinforcement from him (anything from attention right up to a booty call) that keeps her coming around.

 

Like I said, I may be way off base there, but that was just what popped into my head as I was reading your previous posts.

 

Hopefully, your period will start soon and that will be off your mind. Then you can consider your situation with one less distraction.

[thoughts]

if he is cheating, it wouldn't be with his ex. he works from 7:30 - 6 and i am with him til 7:10 and he is home bet. 6:30 and 7pm - sometimes he works late, but the latest he comes home is 8. that happens once every two months or so.

 

the last time he spoke to his ex, which was in Feb - he told me about it and he told me she wanted to meet up for a beer which he agreed to. then without me saying anything, the next day he told me he wouldn't because there is no reason to and he wouldn't want me to meet up with my ex for a drink. and again, he volunteered the info.

 

in answer to the mind games - yes, he plays them all the time. i know he is doing it and i try not to let it effect me - i just view his original comment and then the response as idiotic and immature. i have been moody for a while and he was making comments last night about how i better stop otherwise we will not make it. he was also weird about sex. we used to have sex all the time. i went to "begin foreplay" and he backed off - a couple of times - made excuses, lit cigarettes - i found this behaviour weird. eventually (and i look back now and can write) and with much persistance from my end, we did have sex yesterday. but, he was acting really weird. i think i jokingly questioned his behaviour by asking," what? did you already have sex today. you want to shower to wask off the other woman" and then i laughed.

 

that's a really creepy thought. EW!

[thoughts]

i know people cheat during the day - what are the signs?

[shes2smart]

Here are a couple articles that turned up when I Googled "signs he's cheating" and "signs someone's cheating"

 

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When I was in the relationship with the cheater, it was a series of things that just weren't adding up.

 

>Women's profiles from a particular website that were printed out and stuck in piles of other papers (I'd come accross them when I was cleaning).

 

>One time he picked up the phone when I was calling him and he said, "Hi Jackie" (not my name), then covered with a stammering BS story about Jackie being some work-related person.

 

>He spent increasing amounts of time online...sometimes he'd get out of bed after he thought I was asleep and get on his computer...sometimes I'd wake up to go to the bathroom and he'd be online....he apparently thought I was deaf because he never bothered to turn down his computer and I heard his various IM programs notifying him of incoming messages. He'd claim they were "just friends," but was reluctant to give any details about any of them.

 

>He traveled a lot for his job. Once, he was unpacking and I saw a package of condoms in his suitcase. He tried to brush it off that they were in there from our last vacation, but that didn't add up in my mind.

 

In hindsight, there were A LOT of little signs that I either didn't notice or noticed and chose to ignore at the time. However, the truth has a way of being very persistent. Eventually, I came accross him in the act of having cyber sex with his latest fling and that was the last straw. I left his cheating behind right then.

 

Something that's rather common with those who have had a cheating partner is many of them will say they had a gut feeling that something wasn't right. In hindsight, I had that gut feeling, but chose to ignore it for a while. You're in love with this person and you want to trust them, not be suspicious of them, y'know? While you want to trust them, you need to remember to trust YOURSELF first. That's where I started to go wrong in that relationship....I believed what he was saying instead of what my own good sense was telling me.

[thoughts]

i read the articles. it's kind of ironic because i exhibit more of the "cheating" behaviour than he does. the only thing he is, is he wasn't interested in sex yesterday. well, that and saying odd things like this morning

[thoughts]

thanks very much, btw