Hitting rock bottom

[Mysterious Gurl]

Hey everyone,

Erm, I suppose the idea of me writing this post is to try and get out a load of feelings out that I tend to bottle up.

 

The thing is, I'm 17 yrs old and well, I can't help but sometimes occasionally feel worthless I mean, I'm a nice person and I have a great personality that people take a liking to, although, I sometimes feel people take advantage of my flirty, out going and bubbly personality.

 

Have you ever wondered why people who say they care about you, end up hurting you? Even if it's not intentional?

 

I'm having a tough time with college at the moment, I mean I'm in yr 12 and I'm finding that having an ambitious future, is hard work. I realize good grades and high degrees don't come to you on a silver platter, although life seems to be giving me a hard time.

 

I really have my heart set on being a biology teacher. I mean it's the career I want to take, but when I spoke to the career adviser, it was like she was saying I'm not good enough.

 

On the other hand, I'm having a really hard time at home, I mean I had a bit of a rough argument with my sister (who's 32). I went London over the weekend, and she thought I was putting myself in danger by walking past a pub I mean, I'm 17 for God sake! I know how to take care of myself and how to be responsible.

 

My mums been a little moody with me because my dad has gone to London for the week due to a business meeting. I know she misses him, it's natural, but I'm not born to take the blow of her temper (which by the way is a non physical temper)

 

I'd usually talk about personal issues like these with my close friends, but you know, I don't have a close friend who I feel comfortable talking to. It's just I don't think they understand or I don't think they could relate to my situation.

 

Sometimes, I just wish people could stop bugging me, and just leave me alone. I just want to be left alone. I remember a few weeks ago when I felt utterly depressed and non existent, and I was coming home from college and I was stood at the crossing, anyway I saw this funeral car stop, like right in front of me, and it had a coffin in it. I know it's not nice to stare, and I swear I wasn't being rude, but I saw my reflection on the window of the care and I kinda got lost in thought.

 

All I wanted to do was trade places with that person, since they deserve to live a life that I don't. I'm not the worlds best person, I don't have any morals and I look at the world completely differently from anyone else my age. I look at life more synical aspect.

 

I remember having a talk with someone about marriage (not that I was talking about getting married lol) and I explained, that the reason I don't want to get married is, is because I know full well I couldn't keep my promises, and I can be a self centered person as well.

So as you can see, I'm hardly mother Teresa.

 

I don't know whats wrong with me, I just feel depressed all the time and I feel so empty. I don't see a reason as to why I'm on this earth. (No I'm not having suicidal thoughts)

 

Can anyone offer any advice what so ever to help me pull through?

I just want to remember what it's like waking up in a morning and smiling because of the day I have ahead of me

Thanks and take care!

 

Miya

[Goodfun88]

I'm sorry that you are going through such a tough time. The only thing I can think of is to maybe seek professional help, like a counselor or something. I've heard they can be rather effective. Just remember, life is worth living, and you only get out of life what you put in. Hopefully this is just a phase for you and you will be able to pull out of it soon and be able to start to enjoy life again! I wish you the best of luck!

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Firstly..that is one VERY well written post. You have so much potential to do a lot, going on that alone.

 

I have bipolar disorder and frequently have feelings of loneliness. As the other poster said, professional help is needed unless you want to get to crisis point (from my experience- NOT fun) - and, this may sound odd, but read up on Buddhist teachings for help with sense of purpose.

[Mysterious Gurl]

thanks

 

so where do i go in order to speak to someone professionally?

[Dubzuk]

U can always go to the doctor and speak to them, but i just think that u need to go for ur dreams and not let anyone tell u ur not good enough, anyone can do anything if they put there mind to it, so many people have so much to offer but think that they are worthless, i really think that ur mum needs to not take things out on u, of course she's going to be upset that ur dad isnt there at the minute but thats not ur fault so dont let it get to u.

i hope everything works out for u