neva_black_n_white Posted March 15, 2006 Share Posted March 15, 2006 a face so pale shone only against the nights sky her lips so blue matched no petal of mine her eyes were sharp as blades to a knife her life wiltered she no longer strived her hair matted no brush to comb but why? - she lives this life alone her hands wrinkled her complection no longer clear but the expression was there she held only fear her veins would rise expose the blood a release from this life the only way she could she ran the sharpness over her skin applying a little pressure to watch' blade go in she pushed harder but no escape a confusion ran accross the blood was late nothing ran down yet she held no care this body was immortal she need no fear ............................................................................. I dont think it flows very well unfortunatley. But its emotions. so, what can you expect? neva Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ang3l2004 Posted March 15, 2006 Share Posted March 15, 2006 wow this is really good! keep them coming Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tesseract_Witch Posted March 15, 2006 Share Posted March 15, 2006 I adore it, but I really think you should clean it up a bit, as you said. Say, this sounds like an awesome beginning to a poetic career. Ever hear of the site link removed? I recommend you try it out! Keep writing, neva! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neva_black_n_white Posted March 15, 2006 Author Share Posted March 15, 2006 Thanks guys. Yeah, i knew it needed to softening around the edges, but i guess it was what i felt a little while back and i wasnt about to tamper with it *smiles* I guess i could work it a little, chuckles. But thanks. No, ive never heard of that site, ill have to take a look at it, thanks. Neva. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnotherBrokenDoll Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 That is sooooooo good! I love it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neva_black_n_white Posted March 17, 2006 Author Share Posted March 17, 2006 LOl, why thankyou. Such purdy compliments *smiles* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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