Hypothetical question

[Kevin T]

I hear ya. I don't wanna be an old maid either. lol

[jordan_2]

I think that if I were told that I would have to be single, initially I would be devastated,

but I think that as long as I can have a connection of some sort with a person of the opposite sex, then I would be ok.. a relationship surpasses the whole "i'm in love with them" thinking...It is a bond that is sexless...to be able to have such a connection is something that I would take in exchange for being single for the rest of my life...

 

but as I snap back into reality, I am glad that this isn't the circumstance

[mystik]

It would bother me big time. I would be utterly devastated.

 

It is not because I can't be happy on my own. It isn't because I need someone to define my life. It isn't because I need someone to depend on.

 

It is the hope and knowing that someday I will find the "one" or at least many "the ones" that keeps me going. KNOWING that I am never going to be able to hold someone's hand again? never cuddle, never wake up next to someone I love, never have that feeling of knowing someone loves me again... I don't think I could handle that.

 

I can handle not having that right now, I can be single right now, and enjoy it..because I know I won't be single forever. Knowing that I would be? I can't even imagine how I would take it.

[AzureSkyes69]

It would bother me big time. I would be utterly devastated.

 

It is not because I can't be happy on my own. It isn't because I need someone to define my life. It isn't because I need someone to depend on.

 

It is the hope and knowing that someday I will find the "one" or at least many "the ones" that keeps me going. KNOWING that I am never going to be able to hold someone's hand again? never cuddle, never wake up next to someone I love, never have that feeling of knowing someone loves me again... I don't think I could handle that.

 

I can handle not having that right now, I can be single right now, and enjoy it..because I know I won't be single forever. Knowing that I would be? I can't even imagine how I would take it.

 

I concur...

 

But I also think I would rather die as well.To me life would be nothing but emptiness.I would very much miss that special connection with a partner.

[Dako]

This question's pretty profound, Kevin.

It's had me thinking about one facet of it.

If we all were all single for life, would we treat each other better? We couldn't cheat on each other, dump or be dumped, feel guilt for hurting a loved one, let anyone down, be disappointed, bored or feel trapped. We wouldn't abuse a lover, fear rejection, brag about our conquests or suck energy from someone for status.

Although I'm drifting into being somewhat negative here, I mean to point out the potential changes this hypothetical world would bring.

[shes2smart]

I mean to point out the potential changes this hypothetical world would bring.

 

How about this one:

 

You'd learn to deal with yourself since there'd be no relationship around to distract you with drama.

 

There are people who never learn to deal with themselves because they always manage to have someone else around to distract them from the task at hand.

[NJRon]

I just think of the priesthood... without the religion.

 

Scary thought that.

[keenan]

It really depends on the parameters. Does single mean unmarried, periodically unpartnered, or permanently unpartnered?

 

I'm fine on my own; I like my space, and I like making my own rules. In many ways being alone is more gratifying than being with a partner.

 

I love forging deep connections with others, though. If I could do that in one or a few intense and meaningful relationships over the course of my lifetime, that would probably be enough. If I were forced to always swim in the shallow end of the pool, though...or stay out of the pool entirely, I'd really feel that I was missing out on some good stuff.

 

I like the edges of cinnamon rolls, but sometimes you've just gotta have the gooey center.

[Dako]

I just think of the priesthood... without the religion.

 

Scary thought that.

 

I'd think of the priethood without the sex. You could still have religion!

[Tesseract_Witch]

I would be greatful I wouldn't have to sit and wonder about it--if I was concerned; I am not--but if someone should portend it, I would be satisfied. You live your life because you are you--not anyone else! Why worry about living one life with someone else--the two lives entwine, after all--if you were meant to have any other life, wouldn't you have just been born someone else?

[Kevin T]

I asked this question because it's something that is personally relevant for me. So as hypothetical as this question may be for everyone else, for me it is very close to my heart. I've seriously been considering whether (or not) I should pursue a "religious" calling and remain single or whether I should be selfish and go for what I want. So I asked because I wanted to see what everyone had to say. I know how I feel about it, but my thoughts aren't always very accurate or helpful.

 

And by "single" I mean, completely unmarried, unattached, NO romantic relationship with any other human being. EVER. Period. Not simply "unmarried."

[Dako]

Kevin

Lately that's been an interest of mine as well. I seriously wonder if romantic relationships are a fool's game. Celibacy has so many attractive benefits that could be exploited by a creative person. The freedom and flexibility allow you to pursue life without compromise and all that rot.

This weekend I was thinking about my sister, who gave up on the game while younger than myself. She's a bitter, unhappy man-hater at 63. Of course, she was like that while married.

I don't know if I could resist foolishness this late in my life.

Maybe you could. If so, it's an admirable way to go.

[Kevin T]

Well, I'm only considering it because I don't want to. (Confused yet? lol) If this was something I could happily do, then I would probably not consider it. I don't know if romantic relationships are foolish, but I think at times that dating most definitely is. It's so harmful and destructive to one's emotions much of the time.

 

Either way, I'm not technically Catholic, so it would be more of a voluntary vow of celibacy, not an imposed one. Truth be told, I've felt called to ministry for years now, I've just resisted it, much to my detriment. Nevertheless, I don't see anything wrong (albeit a little unusual) about a protestant minister not marrying out of choice.

[Dako]

I'm sure there must be celibate protestant ministers.

IMHO if dating isn't foolish, nothing is.

Considering how many people accept the vagaries of love and heartbreak wihout question, it makes sense to examine an alternative. I'm sure there are plenty of marriages that make celibacy look romantic.

[Tesseract_Witch]

I've seriously been considering whether (or not) I should pursue a "religious" calling and remain single or whether I should be selfish and go for what I want.

 

 

Why do I always get the impression religion is an obligation? Is it not intended to be a way of life--a pleasant way of living? I could not get that out of religion, for as Kevin implied, it felt as if I had to practice piety and be wholly loyal, never having any personality outside of paying homage to religion. But why is being yourself "selfish"? Who has the right to denounce individuality?!

[RayKay]

Kevin,

 

There is a series on A&E (although it may be over now) called God or the Girl, that had four young men (all in their 20's) deciding whether to enter the priesthood or not - some were very divided, some leaned more one way over the other. They were in the process of choosing what was right for them. The religions they were involved in did mean a vow of celibacy (Catholic, Jesuit, etc). Two of the men decided actually not to go into it, as they did greatly desire a family, and marriage, and were happy with their choices. One decided to go into the priesthood, another is still undecided. Anyway, it was very interesting, you might want to see if you can catch any episodes as they too were divided - it is a big decision!

 

There are also many religions that allow for priests and religious elders to get married too and have a family. I don't think that makes them selfish in the least. From what I have read of the issue of having to be celibate in other religions (like Catholicism) it was a more recent (in terms of history) construct/"rule" by the Catholic Church.

 

Have you talked to any of your religious elders, they may be able to provide some guidance for you as you make your choice.

 

It is certainly not a choice I would make (but I am not religious either), but that does not mean it is not right for you or someone else of course! My mum almost became a Catholic nun but opted against it in the end...which worked out good for me and my siblings...lol.

 

Dating isn't that bad There are some kooks and negative aspects, but also a lot of great ones, and great outcomes.

[Kevin T]

Well, this is certainly not the place to be debating spiritual matters. Anyone who wants to further a theological discussion is more than welcome to PM me.

 

Ray Kay, I get frustrated with "dating" per se because I am only looking for a serious relationship. I'm not interested in going from person to person like a fly does to feces. (Sorry, bad analogy. lol)

 

I've more or less come to a decision anyway. It's true that many denominations do not impose singleness upon its clergy (which is good, since otherwise it would be a sign of apostasy), it was just a personal choice. Thinking it through has helped me come to some sort of decision. Now, if I can just hold true to my resolve.

[RayKay]

Well Kevin,

 

If you do decide to go the route of being in the clergy, in a denomination that does not impose celibacy, it's something you don't need to decide "right now", know what I mean? Commit yourself to going through the process and see how things work out ultimately.

 

I can understand that, I believe firmly you meet the right person at the right time. You don't HAVE to date many to know whom that is, sometimes it just "happens" that you meet them.

 

I think if you do believe in God, you probably also believe he probably has some sort of plan for you, right? So I guess, don't give up the belief that things will work themselves out.

[Kevin T]

The thing about me is, if I don't decide something well in advance and make some serious commitments and goals, I can't accomplish anything. I'm very goal-oriented and try to do everything I can to work toward that specific goal until it is completed. (I guess being ambitious is a good thing.)

 

I definitely think things will work themselves out... probably why I'm not generally a worrier by nature. I don't worry about much of anything.

[BlueWolf]

Response to Opening Post:

 

Yes, yes it would bother me a lot. Probably enough to make me put a bullet in my head. (Ok, don't take that too seriously, but I'd for sure get depressed.)

 

WHY would it bother me? Because not having a special someone never makes you feel "real" in a sense. I know my good qualities and I know they are true, but it is so much more different when someone else recognizes and appreciates them.

[Kevin T]

That was how I felt.