what gives?

[dogheadma]

I don't know what to do about my girlfriend's mood swings. Last night, during dinner, she became extremely distraught when I mentioned the chicken I was eating had a lot of fat. She was upset because she went to the store and bought it and we are on a diet. We are dieting because she is very dissatisfied with her figure and wants to lose weight. I have absolutely no problem with her weight, she has a couple extra pounds but I think she's sexy. I am fit and in good shape. I am dieting with her to support her. I said I thought she was really overreacting and she just got more upset. Four days ago she had a date to meet me and some of my coworkers for a drink. She was there 20 min. when she very bluntly turned to me and said she was going and she wasn't going to say goodbye to anyone. She has a social phobia. I was hurt by her thoughtlessness but didn't show it and tried to be understanding. The next day we were taking a dance class together and she ran out because she had to dance with a stranger and the girl I was dancing with was friendly and talking to me. When she's not freaking out like this, she's very sweet, loving, and fun to be around. I feel like my emotions are being pulled back and forth. How do I handle this?

[mystik]

She seems like she is very insecure and has self esteem issues....good for you for being so supportive and understanding - that's got to be hard sometimes. Do you have any idea why she might be like this? family problems, ex boyfriends, traumatic past incidents... Understanding why she is so insecure might help you deal with it better. This seems like more than just the usual insecurity women feel, her irrational behaviour indicates something more is going on.

[tyler711]

As a guy, I know exactly where you're coming from. Women have a lot of emotions that we will never understand. They are very sensitive about appearance, and get jealous easily. Here's what I do: I gave up trying to understand all my fiancee's mood swings, because it's way too complicated for me to understand. I used to blame it all on PMS, but I learned not to do that the hard way! Whenever she has them, I try my best not to get frustrated. I support her with whatever she's upset about. I always try to remind her of how beautiful she is (even though it's obvious!) and I always tell her I love her. We always get each other flowers (even though I would prefer some golf balls, and my truck needs new rear tires). Try to do and say little things to remind her of how you feel, this will go a long way. Every now and then plan something for just the two of you, something that she likes to do. Maybe rent "The Notebook" and cook her dinner. Good luck friend!

 

Oh.. buying chocolate never hurts

[mystik]

Women have a lot of emotions that we will never understand. They are very sensitive about appearance, and get jealous easily.

 

Okay Tyler, you sound like a great boyfriend ie. the way you handle your girlfriend's moodswings and the sweet gestures and stuff. You sound like a total sweetheart...Plus, it's excellent advice for what dogheadma can do...

 

But let's not generalize all women alright. I don't get jealous of any other girls unless there is good reason for me to get all worked up. Some women are very capable of not being catty and being trusting. The way dogheadma describes his girlfriend though, seems a little over the top. Plus, he said she had social phobia, so perhaps there are some strong self esteem issues as well. I could be wrong though, some women are really overly sensitive (as are some men), but you should look into it. It might help.

[CarnelianButterfly]

I know living with social phobias can be very difficult. I used to have a lot of problems being with people and I never had a BF. Are you her first relationship, if so, she's probably very insecure. It is an issue that you need to talk to her about. Take some time and really discuss her problems, but don't push her, if she's not ready to tell you it could make her more upset. Be open and honest and tell her you're concerned and want to help. Your support and care can be the most helpful thing in helping her work through her problems. If she needs more help, you might have her see about therapy. I don't know if its done, but I would feel a lot of support if my BF said he would go with me, even if he just sat in the waiting room.

[dogheadma]

She did have a bad former relationship in which involved methamphetamine and was abusive. Her father also died when she was young and she seems to have never really gotten over it. But I don't think that's enough to explain her behavior. And I do shower her with love, affection, respect and admiration everyday.

[friscodj]

I think it might do you some good to talk to a pro about these issues with her...you can only do so much and it sounds like it's wearing you down...

[CarnelianButterfly]

What seems like nothing to you can be very significant to her. It's great that you care for her and I can imagine its rough sometimes, but I think you have a great future if you continue your support. She may need time and help to work through the problems. A professional can help her and that will help ease the burden you have supporting her.

[Momene]

I think you're doing all you can do but unless you're tied in some way by mortgage/kids, etc you need to lay it on the line that you can't take continuous hassle like that.

 

Life's too short and can you really face a whole lifetime like that?

 

Good luck.