starzoote Posted March 5, 2006 Share Posted March 5, 2006 I met this girl three years ago, when I was abroad. I had some feelings for her, but at the same time, it wasn't the right moment to meet her. I was still in the process of getting over a previous relationship and my friend was in love with her. After a few weeks, we started dating. Being afraid of getting hurt again, I didn't allow her to get close to me. I know it sounds ridiculous, because I did love her and I did want to spend time with her. When I had to look out for a new apartment, she offered me to stay with her. I declined because I felt I needed to have a place of my own. In the end, I did stay at her place most of the time. After a few months, my company transferred me to another country. We continued to see each other every 1,5 months and even travelled together for five weeks in the summer. In the mean time, she had resigned and returned home (Europe). I took the decision to quit as well and went back to university (different European country). We continued to see each other and I went to visit her for NY at her parent's place. We had a great time. After valentine's day, I became confused, not about my relationship with her, but about my future. She had just started a new job and instead of sharing my feelings with her, I shut her out. I realize I made a lot of mistakes. I can't blame her for breaking up with me. She saw no future in us. I tried to talk to her, but I couldn't. We didn't communicate with each other for almost 5 months. When I finally graduated, I went to see her and had a conversation with her for one hour. In those months, she had had a relationship with someone else, albeit for only a few weeks. She told me she needed more space and she wanted to have loose relationships (something she'd never wanted before). She told me to let go of her and move on with life. I gave her more time and again we didn't communicate for five months. I sent her an e-mail for the first time again last week. I know she read it, but she hasn't responded yet. I know you hear this all the time, but there was something special between us, and I can't seem to let go of that. If you let go, you admit that there wasn't anything special in the first place. So much time has passed (almost a year) and I still can't forget her. I am building up a new life and so is she. But I would like to believe that we can still build up something together. I know there isn't anything more I can do. I have given her time, I have continued my life and I have taken the first step to contact her again. I am hoping against hope and time is not on my side. Anyway, I would appreciate it if someone could give me some advice. I know I've made mistakes, but people do make mistakes. I know you will ask me, why were you afraid of getting hurt again when you say there was something special between you. I can't answer that. I am a very emotional person and I was really afraid to getting hurt again.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starzoote Posted March 6, 2006 Author Share Posted March 6, 2006 She still hasn't answered my e-mail, but I can see that she is online. Should it send her an IM? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AwdreeHpburn Posted March 6, 2006 Share Posted March 6, 2006 Star, I hate to give this advice when I can see you want the opposite advice, but I think you are going to have to let her go. Once you have both gone on with your lives, if it is meant to be, it will be. But it sounds like, if she was dating another person (even briefly) and wanted space, that that was her let-you-down-easy way of saying she wanted out of the relationship. Sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders, are a motivated person and are very capable of securing a decent future for yourself and the lucky girl you end up with. I think you may need to cut your losses, grieve the loss and move on. There is more than likely someone much better suited for you... eventually. I'm curious about what others have to say though - this is just MY opinion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lansing Posted March 6, 2006 Share Posted March 6, 2006 I agree... if she doesn't respond to the e-mail it is sending a sign... Definitely do NOT chat with her online. Resist the temptation. If you made yourself clear in the e-mail there is no reason to contact her again. She told you to move on so I would take that at face value. It is HARD when you feel that connection with someone, but, trust me, it will come again! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NJRon Posted March 6, 2006 Share Posted March 6, 2006 If you let go, you admit that there wasn't anything special in the first place. Letting go is not forgetting. It is not diminishing the good times you had or the special feelings. Letting go is not hate or anger, those keep you attached. Letting go is an act of love for you and for her. It's the last gift you can give to both of you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starzoote Posted March 7, 2006 Author Share Posted March 7, 2006 Sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders, are a motivated person and are very capable of securing a decent future for yourself and the lucky girl you end up with. I think you may need to cut your losses, grieve the loss and move on. There is more than likely someone much better suited for you... eventually. I wish I had a good head on my shoulders.... I went through breakups in the past as well and I always managed to move on. But this time, there is something in me still believing that things will get okay again. I don't know why. It's an intuition, or maybe it is just hope or not wanting to see reality. I have let her down and I know that. But that doesn't mean, I didn't/don't love her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starzoote Posted March 7, 2006 Author Share Posted March 7, 2006 I was quite amazed, but she actually sent me a IM today... we talked for about 20 minutes. It was very cold and official... but that's okay. After all, it was our first conversation in such a long time... I don't know how it will evolve, but it feels good now... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Royltnxile Posted March 7, 2006 Share Posted March 7, 2006 If you let go, you admit that there wasn't anything special in the first place. quote] That's not true. Ever hear of the term "you have to love them enough to let them go"? Sounds trite and cliche, but it's true. Just because things didn't end as you had hoped, doesn't meant that what you and her had wasn't "special". Letting go doesn't mean you erase the past, it means you loosen your grip on it and let go of it. You can't erase your experience with her, but you can file it away and not let it burden your present and your future. What was, was. But isn't anymore. You have reached out to her via email so now it's up to her to respond. If she doesn't respond then you have your signal to move on. If she wants to be involved in your life again, she knows how to find you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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