Süsser Tod Posted March 5, 2006 Share Posted March 5, 2006 You can read the rest of the story: Damn, I give up. She has no interest whatsoever to date me. Thursday morning I sent her a SMS "I just wanted to wish you luck on your exams, though I know you don't need it =)" Then I sent her a picture someone else @ work sent me, it was really funny. Well, no reply from her, until Friday "Thanks" WHAT!!?? "Thanks"??? That message made my mind. Then I received another message from her, like 15 minutes later, "I just got the message today, my cellphone dind't had battery". I replied "Don't worry about that, focus on your examns" I've had not even an SMS from her, an e-mail nor anything! Thats it. I'm going 100% "NC" (can NC be done eventhough we only had one date?). I bet I will end up calling her, I'm just to weak, and by now there are no more fish on my sea, but just don't want to do that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darkblue Posted March 5, 2006 Share Posted March 5, 2006 Süsser, I just had to reply when I saw you posting. Have you considered that maybe she doesn't have the same sense of humour as you, and she didn't find the picture funny - but wanted to be polite? There are possibilities, other than that she is not interested, and is trying to hurt you. I suggest that you phone her and leave the ball in her court. Leave her to chase you up, for once. Give yourself a time period to wait for her reply. If she doesn't contact you within that time period - assume that she is not interested, don't take it personally and move on. Best of luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lansing Posted March 6, 2006 Share Posted March 6, 2006 I think darkblue meant "don't phone her" since I think he has already contacted her enough..... I think Susser Tod might be taking things to personally/seriously. It was one date. Try not to sweat it too much. I will be honest and tell you that in your posting you come accross as "needy" so you probably come accross as clingy/needy to the girl. Girls aren't attracted to that. I know what I speak of since when I was in my teen/early 20s I was the same way. I have since changed my ways and it has made a world of difference (although, I still need to occasionally fight my temptation to call a girl/etc sometimes) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Süsser Tod Posted March 7, 2006 Author Share Posted March 7, 2006 I think Susser Tod might be taking things to personally/seriously. It was one date. Try not to sweat it too much. I will be honest and tell you that in your posting you come accross as "needy" so you probably come accross as clingy/needy to the girl. Girls aren't attracted to that. I know what I speak of since when I was in my teen/early 20s I was the same way. I have since changed my ways and it has made a world of difference (although, I still need to occasionally fight my temptation to call a girl/etc sometimes) Too seriously. Well, considering that: a) She was my only realistic chance b) I really like her Yeah, I may have taken it serously. However, what really bothers me, actually, has me really angry is rejection. This only confirms, to my mind, one of my fears when I broke up with my ex, I won't be able to find someone else that likes me. Up to now that is proving to be right, and shows me how wrong I was making that desicion. I just got a lot of what I don't needed at this point, only sinking me and destroying any bit left of what could have resembled something like self steem. I shoudl have followed my gut feeling after that first night, I knew right there, at the parking lot @ the mall that I was done. But no, I'm so stupid I had to keep trying... Aw, well, life sucks, nothing can be done about that. I'm going to beat the wall or take some drinks to calm the anger. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KileOriginal Posted March 8, 2006 Share Posted March 8, 2006 Süsser Tod, I came accross your post and its scary how much you remind me or myself in this same situation right about now. Tell me if the following match you. 1. Your a nice caring guy for the most part, got your your own life and goals, but dangit, you really want some one to love. 2. This girl seemed like she was right up your alley, or that she was one of very few dating possibilities available to you. 3. You can usually start talking to a girl, and may even get a date out, but that's really as far as it ever seems to go. 4. You know you should be more comfortable being on your own, but damnit! you don't want to be alone, and heaven help you, you have no clue what you're doing wrong. If these things seem to match you, then sorry to say buddy, but your not alone, and none of these guys here are gonna say anything usefull cause they totally forgot how they get out of this rut. Just my thoughts, let me know what you think. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Süsser Tod Posted March 8, 2006 Author Share Posted March 8, 2006 Yeah, that describes me when it comes to relationships. For a while I got out of that state, until I met my ex, 4 years later I'm not even near being the same guy I used to be. There is more to it, like the reason why she was my only chance... And I do think I know what I'm doing wrong. I'm just transparent when it comes to showing my emotions. 4 years ago, I was like an iceblock, the guy no one dared to talk to, misterious and showed no emotion. You know, that worked pretty well. As I've come to terms with my own feelings, and show them, no longer I can be the same guy that used to ignore all feelings/emotions. So I turn into the guy that smiles like an idiot and cant articulate a semi-intelligent phrase in front of a girl I like. I'm also a very sensitive guy, I've always been (but never showed it), so I turn into the teddy bear like guy a girl would like as a friend... I care, and show it, about the people around me ](*,) So, by definition, I'll always lose when it comes to dating. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NJRon Posted March 8, 2006 Share Posted March 8, 2006 The only way to get out of a rut is to keep going for it. You had one encounter and one rejection. That's really not bad. Get back on the horse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Süsser Tod Posted March 8, 2006 Author Share Posted March 8, 2006 That's really not bad. Get back on the horse. Well, it seems that you missed the part about her being my only real chance. I'm not a social person, in fact, no friends currently. Only people I talk to are the ones @ work. Work, also a male environment, where there are about 10 females and 120 males, so its a no go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NJRon Posted March 8, 2006 Share Posted March 8, 2006 No, I got that part. I was in a very similar situation. I'm not saying it's easy to break out of the rut. What I am saying is that you have to force yourself to do it. And keep doing it until you get out. It's the only way. I've been there and I've done it before, so I know it's possible. I wasn't a social person, I had no friends, I had no family and I don't date within work. I needed to work on that social aspect of myself. Telling myself I couldn't change, it was because I was afraid of failure. So it was much easy to just make excuses. I wasted much more effort convincing myself that things would never change and I would always be alone, waiting for a miracle to happen, than the effort required to break out of my rut. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chaos Posted March 8, 2006 Share Posted March 8, 2006 So what did you do to get out of the rut? I'm also in a similar situation... no friends, no close family, almost all my social interaction is at work where there are VERY few women. When Kile posted that list I thought he was reading my mind. When I do get a date (and there's only been one since my ex) the girl seems to lose all interest and I don't understand what I'm doing wrong... It's almost like showing any interest in the girl drives them away. Why does it seem like the only way to get women is to turn into the selfish abusive * * * * * * * * all the women * * * * * about? They all say they want a nice guy but, as soon as one comes along they head for the hills. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NJRon Posted March 8, 2006 Share Posted March 8, 2006 I notice that happens a lot if all your attention is focused on one girl. I'm not saying to become a player, I'm not. However, I don't rush in for the kill. I casually date multiple people until I find one that I want to focus on and I feel confident that she wants to focus on me. I talk to multiple women. I make sure that things don't get out of hand so that, even if I do end up going for one girl, I can still be friends with the others and people's feelings aren't hurt. I join clubs (sierraclub is great). I attend local social gatherings (young professional groups are awesome). I develop my own hobbies (that are more productive than playing video games) so I have interesting stuff to talk about and interesting things to do with my own time. I meet people in person and from the Internet. I engage people in friendly conversation and just let things flow. The goal is just to meet people that you find interesting.. not find the next ms. right. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes it's one date and that's it, sometimes it's ongoing friends, sometimes it develops into something more. The trick is, by building your own life, your focus is not centered on someone else. Poeple respect that. When they want to get to know you, you can take things slow. You can set up a date a couple weeks in advance. It may take a month or more to get to the third date. It doesn't really matter all that much, because you are having fun doing your own thing and killing two birds with one stone. Meeting women and improving your social circle in general. All of this is just what I have done and seems to have worked for me... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KileOriginal Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 I guess there just really isn't a fast solution. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NJRon Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 No, there isn't... so get started now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Süsser Tod Posted March 9, 2006 Author Share Posted March 9, 2006 No, there isn't... so get started now Sounds easy, maybe where you live... "young professional groups are awesome" what are those??? Hobbies, unfortunately what I like the most is riding motorcycles, and that is not a very popular activity for females. Most (about 95%) of the females you see on any motorcycle related event came with their boyfried/husband. Activist groups are not very popular in here, so unless I turn into a die hard treehugger (I'm a treehugger, just not an extremist), I'm out. And living in one of the world's largest cities, with severe insecurity problems, makes it even harder. No one will talk to you on the street unless a friend introduces you or you already know them. Here it is extremely common for people not to know their next door neighbors. Heck, I met my neighbor of two doors through internet EDIT: Think that I should clear up where I'm from, Mexico City, Mexico. Here people are so afraid of being assaulted / attacked that most of them have grown eyes on their back. Little story. My mom sells jewlery, yesterday I got home and there was nobody there. I hear someone ringing the bell, it was an old lady (60+), looking for my mom as he wanted to buy some stuff. I looked through the 2nd floor balcony, and she said "I'm alone, I'm not a thieve". Just imagine how cautious I was, for her to say that. And I was being normal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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