Public displays of affection

[srt86hil]

I'm not really sure this is the right place to post this, but here it is. My two best friends have been going out with each other for nearly a year now. The problem is that I find them way too intimate when others are there, they're constantly kissing, stroking and always have their arms round each other.

I find this quite annoying, especially as in a large group, say if we're just walking through town, they'll ALWAYS dawdle and make their own conversation, ignoring everyone else.

Am I unreasonable to think this isn't right? How can I tell them about how I feel without making it seem like I'm jealous or something (which I am not)?

Thanks.

[Alabama]

Well, maybe just tell them you think it's annoying or gross. It's true they might think your reasons are something else, but if this is really bugging you, than speak out. Good luck.

[Scotcha]

Ugh, I understand how you feel. A little bit of extra PDA can be normal in the beginning of a relationship but after almost a year.. Honestly, I would think that they were over compensating for something lacking in their private relationship. (Don't tell them this though.) I would just let them know that it is making you uncomfortable and it also makes hanging out in a group a little bit awkward. If they persist, perhaps exclaim, "Will you two just get a room!" They'll laugh and shrug it off and then say, "No, I'm being serious," and walk away.

[Mrocza]

I don't agree. I think it's awesome that after a year they still have that infatuation a new couple experiences. Good for them!

 

However, if it makes you uncomfortable, let them know. Tell them you're extremely happy for them, but if they're going to come out and hang out with you guys, don't give a re-enactment of what goes on behind closed doors for all to see. Not everyone is as happy as they and it's like rubbing salt on everyone's wounds.

 

I mean, cute jokes like "Get a room!" might work, but most likely they'll just get more excited about it.

 

I know firsthand lol My boyfriend and I are at 6 months and still all over each other. Sometimes I can tell it pisses people off but...I don't care. Unless someone blatantly told me it bothered them, which with most people it doesn't (I mean, we're not humping on park benches), I would respond with "Don't like it, don't look".

[Scotcha]

Infatuation isn't what makes a relationship long and lasting. PDA also isn't the proper way to measure the love a couple shares. It has nothing to do with not being happy or being jealous, it's just most people don't want to see that type of behavior. There is a point at which PDA becomes inappropriate and offensive. People shouldn't have to feel like they need to avert their eyes when they are in public.

[Mrocza]

I completely agree that people should not have to feel uncomfortable. But if someone doesn't like looking at me flirting with my boyfriend, when it's not offensive in any way to anyone, they can look elsewhere.

 

PDA is not a measure of love- I didn't say or insinuate that. Nor did I say that infatuation is what makes a couple last. I merely stated that it's awesome for them to still experience that rare chemistry with one another.

 

If people are obviously happy and express their happiness with each other, to one another, should it have to be contained to when they're in private? Frankly, because some bitter cynic doesn't want to see me happy, that's really not my problem. Most people will appreciate a moderate display of PDA because they will recognize the happiness and love the couple shares.

 

While it may make some uncomfortable if it is excessive, when not over-the-top, couples should not be forced to limit themselves in your presense just because you don't want to see it.

 

I highly doubt an unstable couple behind closed doors would put on a happy face for the rest of the world to see, so compensating for something lacking seems unlikely. It may sometimes, be a little different that behind closed doors, because it adds a bit of excitement.

 

If her friends have gotten to that extreme point of PDA that they're so into each other, the rest of the world doesn't exist, she should let them know.

[Scotcha]

I think we are both referring to different forms of PDA. I agree like you, that a moderate amount of PDA is acceptable. Because of the original post I wasn't commenting on this type, I was only commenting on the "over the top, all over each other" type of PDA, the kind that makes people uncomfortable.

 

srt86hil was worried about how to bring this up without sounding like he was jealous of their relationship (or their happiness as well I imagine) because it truly has nothing to do with that. Maybe it would be better to ask someone with an opposing viewpoint on how to handle the situation. You've said both, "I completely agree that people should not have to feel uncomfortable," and "Sometimes I can tell it pisses people off but...I don't care." So.. If someone truly were to feel uncomfortable what would be the right approach to make?

[Mrocza]

IHowever, if it makes you uncomfortable, let them know. Tell them you're extremely happy for them, but if they're going to come out and hang out with you guys, don't give a re-enactment of what goes on behind closed doors for all to see. Not everyone is as happy as they and it's like rubbing salt on everyone's wounds.

 

I mean, cute jokes like "Get a room!" might work, but most likely they'll just get more excited about it.

 

I agree with you Scotcha...

 

I'm sorry I got a little bit out of line there. I just have experienced those really cynical people that make gagging noises when they see a couple give a kiss...](*,)

 

I think sometimes it can be a little over the top. I mean, on some occasions, I've been caught up in the moment with my boyfriend, but I would never do anything to make my firends or his uncomfortable. If anything, I opt on making him cringe by calling him Boo Boo in public

[Scotcha]

If anything, I opt on making him cringe by calling him Boo Boo in public

 

Haha, now thats funny! (They're cute when the cringe)

[srt86hil]

The other thing I'm not sure about is whether they actually do deserve their own space. It's not wrong to think that when with other people, they should really engage in conversation with others, is it? But they are going out, so then again, theyre obviously not going to be exactly the same in social situations as before. Thoughts?

[Scotcha]

This is a bit touchier I think. I know when I go out as a group my boyfriend and I do socialize with other people otherwise what would be the point in going out as a group? We also converse with each other because we are a couple but we don't really have private conversations, anyone could join and often they do. Sometimes we're side by side, other times we're in different groups.. Is it possible that either one or both of them is particularily shy and so relies on their relationship to feel comfortalbe in socail settings? Just a guess.