atwitsend Posted July 19, 2003 Share Posted July 19, 2003 Hi! I am new to all this but have no where else to turn. I have been married for a little over 2 years now to whom I thought was the greatest man on the earth. We have had our good times but things seem to be going down hill now. We argue 6 out of the 7 days of the week. Mostly minor things but sometimes it gets heated. HeALWAYS has to be right and forget listening to anything I have to say because he always get defensive and doesn't seem to care about my feelings on things. Our marriage started out rough to begin with. He's in the military and had orders for Germany when we got married. Due to my son's severe medical condition, the kids and I weren't allowed to go. He was to be in Germany 2 years and then return home. He came back to the states for school after 6 months of being in Germany. He was about 150 miles away from me and the kids at that time while he was in school. During that time while he was in school he met another woman whom he started going out with regularly. He says he never slept with her but they did do other things that lead to that. I tried to forgive him for that but he seems to think it will hang over his head forever. He doesn't want to spend time with the family, he'd rather be out with his friends or doing things that he enjoys by himself. Our arguments seem to get heated because he feels he should be able to do whatever he wants, whenever he wants and wherever he wants. Anyway, to get to the point of this all, just recently did I find out that his first marriage was not finalized when we got married. It was finalized about 6 days after we married. I am at the end of the rope! Because it was only 6 days after we married, is that still called Bigamy? He says it was an honest mistake because he wasn't there to sign the final papers since he was excused due to military regulatinos or what have you and they told him it would be final the Thursday before we got married. I have several things I'd like help with: a) Do I qualify for an annullment? b) What will happen to him if I do an annullment? I do have 2 children from a previous marriage where my husband and father of the children just walked out - said he was tired of being a father and a husband. That took a major toll on me. I haven't spoke with him in over 4 years. This "marriage" seems to be falling apart because of something that the guy has done as well. By all means, I don't like to blame others all the time, but how can I help feeling like there was something more I can do or whatever? I am stressed out and have feelings of what people would think of me after being married 2 times and getting divorced both times. I want to remarry eventually and find the "perfect" soul mate persay, but I always worry about what others are going to think of me. How do I over come this as well? I have been chatting with a guy online since I found all of this out. We want to meet each other and it seems that we pratically know each other since we have talked for hours on end. Am I wrong for that? Sorry if this is a bit confusing, but I am trying to type as things come mind. I appreciate any help that any one may have! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kuhl282000 Posted July 20, 2003 Share Posted July 20, 2003 Darling Thanks for coming to the site......sounds to me that you are a very caring person. I don't know if i would have the courage to wait 2 years for anybody. Sounds like he is a lost soul and a real jerk. If I were in your shoes. I would get a lawyer and ask for advice....only because of the children involved. I'm sure you are entitled to child support.I would divorce this guy as fast as I could. Then get on with your life. And start to take care of yourself. The real love of your life might be just around the corner. And why waste anymore time on this loser. Things will get better as soon as you get far away from this man, and start doing stuff for you and your children. Godd Luck, and God Bless Kuhl Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cookies Posted July 20, 2003 Share Posted July 20, 2003 Yes, the best person to offer sound advice in ur situation is a lawyer, who can direct you thru the legalities of it all... I for one can say, that I was in the military for 8 years, and was stationed in Germany and never heard of such rubbish this man is giving to you about you and the kids not being able to go over there. Hes a very insensitive and undeserving man, and I can only hope that you get out of the marriage with him having to pay for your pain and suffering. IN the military, if hes found guilty, he can be charged with adultry, which will affect his career..did u know that? because if you didnt, well you know now... You can contact his commanding officer and let him know how terrible he is treating you, and its military policy the commander order him to rehabilitation of some sort...as well, if u inform his commanding officer of this affair, an investigation will be conducted...haha..i dont mean to give u the "Down low" but i was a military police and did preliminary investigations...and just felt obliged to share a bit of knowledge with u... NO man that treats his woman this way is worth your time and tears...I try not to tell ppl what to do, but I highly recommend you drop this ZERO...and look out for number one..and thats your babies and your self sista. ITs military men like THESE that give others a bad rap..and theres alot of em...but not all are like this however... Im glad that you came here with ur concerns, because not only should u get legal advice, you are covered to utilize JAG offices (military lawyers) on the military instillation near you. All you have to do is make an appointment and go see them for legal advice...which is FREE benefit to you as a dependent, by the way... AND...make sure u set an appointment to see a chaplain for depression and support in ur case, as it will enhance any case you may have against that turkey. That will totally FRY him, the more evidence you collect against him, the better off you will be... just REMEMBER let him know what ur plans are,..let him keep on boasting of his wrongdoing, and treating you terribly,...so that altho he think hes getting over on u now,...you will be the winner in the end... good luck.. cookies ps..sorry if i sound biased, but i dont digg seeing a guy treat a woman like this...specially a military man, cuz ive been there..and know what ur going thru...please feel free to contact me if you want any further guidance...ill definitely help u thru it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
atwitsend Posted July 20, 2003 Author Share Posted July 20, 2003 He leaves for Kuwait in 3 weeks, will I still be able to proceed? Also, the so called affair he had was over a year ago Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cookies Posted July 20, 2003 Share Posted July 20, 2003 of course...let him go to kuwaiit,...that will be better 4 u, with him out of the way, and not able to intimidate you in any way with mental and physical threats. It doesnt matter when the affair happened, because its still messing with u mentally..and ull bring that up to the chaplain, which will be documented. AND...if after that , he continues to have an affair with her,...then u can take it to CID, if the commanding officer doesnt take actions ...thats when an investigation will have to be conducted... sometimes that works better, going directly to the investigative command, to work theirway down..because then the commander HAS to take action and do a complete report to submit to CID... cookies Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cadet326 Posted July 26, 2003 Share Posted July 26, 2003 hi, I just read your posting. I think we should probley talk .My wife is in the army, even though we have only married 7 months and I am only 20, we might be able to give each other some advise. my wife joined about 2 weeks after we got married, after her first part of training we talked about it and decided that I would move down to fortbliss, so I sold everything I had and moved down there. about a month after I was living there, she told me that she didnt love me anymore and told me to move back to maryland, I think she has a new boyfriend and I have called her commanding officer to report it but they didnt take me seriously, (i guess cause I am a guy) so now she is even withholding the dependant money from me. she has broken my heart and I have a meeting with a jag lawyer next week. I dont know what I am going to do. so I thought if I found someone who is going through the same thing I am maybe it wouldnt be so horrible. if you want to talk you can e-mail me directly at ryan.burch1@us.army.mil I really hope things for you turn out ok Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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