Would like a female point of view

[dogheadma]

I have been in a relationship for 3 mos. with someone that I love. A couple weeks ago we had a scare when I came down with what seemed to me like a possible std. I told her about it right away in a loving, caring, and respectful manner and she was very understanding. I went and got tested for everything and took medication that completely cleared up my symptoms. My test results came back all clear. After getting my results I suggested that we use protection until she got her results just to be on the safe side. She agreed but then when we commenced with that plan she said she felt very hurt by the fact that I still wanted to use a condom after my test was clear. I explained that I was only doing it out of concern for both of our health and well being. She said she understood that completely, but couldn't help feeling hurt. We are both clear now and no longer using protection but in the back of my mind it is still bothering me that she might have thought I saw her as promiscuous or unclean. I never thought that for one second and told her so, but I still can't seem to stop the nagging feeling of responsibility in the back of my mind for inadverdently hurting her feelings. Does anyone think she thinks that I think less of her now or somehow see her in a different light? I love her and this ordeal has not changed my feelings for her one bit. Do you (ladies) think she, as a woman who loves me, understands my intentions as a man who loves her?

[ElektraHere]

Doghead,

 

I think your thinking of this thought way too much

 

Is it still bothering her? If not I wouldnt worry about it if she is still bothered by it talk it out with her. You were looking out for what was best for the both of you and if she were a carrier then it would have gone back to you again and then the whole cycle would start yet again.

[RayKay]

First off, even those whom are not promiscous can get infections or STI's.....it only takes one partner! So I am not sure why she would feel that is what you were insinuating.

 

Of course she may feel hurt by it, but that does not mean that hurt is founded in your actions. You had a fear of an STI, were cautious for both hers and your sakes and took the right steps. Don't feel guilty for caring about your and hers health.

 

I don't think she thinks you think less of her, I would hope she would see you cared enough to tell her you feared you had something and were getting tested. Unless she has expressed further concern about it, perhaps you should both just focus on moving forward with your lives?

[Sentohottie]

Personally, I can see why it would bother her. It's the possible thought that you don't trust her. Think of your situation in a plot for a chick flick. How would it have been handled? (Not saying that would be the right way to handle it, but it may help you understand why she thought what she did)

 

As a final suggestion, it probably would have worked better if it would have been HER idea.

[dogheadma]

Wow, Sento, that's confusing but thanks for the feedback!

[AnotherBrokenDoll]

Hey! I very highly doubt that she would love you any less and also i think she would know you didnt mean to hurt her! She may have been hurt when you said that but you had to do it! If you hadnt then anything could have happened! Dont worry to much about it because im pretty sure she understands! love always rozi!

[babypink61]

This is coming from a female's perspective . . .

 

I can TOTALLY understand how she feels because the same thing happened to me! And because he knew that I've had more partners than he had, I think he automatically assumed that he had gotten it from me. I felt really hurt by this because I felt like he thinks I'm "dirty" or something. Well turned out that it wasn't STD (thank god) and that he just had an allergic reaction to something. We had a talk about it later on and he apologized for assuming that I had given it to him. I don't really blame him though because it the same thing had happened to me, then I would've probably automatically assumed that he had given it to me. So I think I felt better about it after putting myself in his shoes . . . You should ask your girlfriend how she would've reacted if the situation was reversed . . .