Boss likened me to a 2-year old

[LostInMyThoughts]

My boss' boss showed me an email that essentially likened my behavior and decisions to a 2-year old.

 

I think it was a shi**y move on her part, especially because it was due to her missinterpreting my behavior, and didn't bother to talk to me about it.

 

Needless to say, my actions/behaviors/decisions aren't what a 2-year old would do.

 

Anyway I'm stuck because I want to confront her about it, for all kinds of reasons. But the email wasn't meant for my eyes, and I'm not sure what the consequences are.

 

Oh greate eNotAlone, what is a ticked off employe to do?

[Dako]

You've raised my interest.

Care to elaborate?

[NJRon]

Ok... your boss' boss showed you the email? Was the email from *your* boss?

 

If it was, don't do anything about it. Your boss' boss will be keeping their eyes peeled. Just stay on the straight and narrow.

 

Which also means not pursuing that office romance

 

Besides, 2 is a little young to be dating anyway.

[keenan]

Yeah, if your boss' boss showed it to you, is it because s/he was giving you a warning (like, get your act together), or because s/he was trying to establish some solidarity with you, to let you know that s/he knows that you and your boss have issues and s/he's not going to view you as a slacker, automatically? Either way, DON'T bother to hash it out with your boss! Just be cool, play it straight, and wait for your boss to blow it. Sounds interesting....

[LostInMyThoughts]

Sorry if this is too abstract...trade secrets and all...

 

My boss, as talented and smart as she is, I believe has issues with her confidence. I can tell, because I can see the same behaviors that she exhibits in myself.

 

To compensate, sometimes she can be hard-headed, and arguing with her makes things worse.

 

I mention this, because sometimes she can make hasty decisions, which we are all allowed to do. And equally so, I'm entitled to my professional opinion to disagree with her decisions, even though I will still do what she asks.

 

Anyway she made what I thought was a hasty decision to remove something that would break our system without mentioning fixing the system. Here is where I misstepped. I should have asked for clarification because breaking our system isn't a good thing.

 

Instead I had assumed that I could do what she asked (it wasn't unreasonable in the GRAND scheme of things) while I was moving on the next step.

 

I thought that would be okay. I mentioned that "things would make more sense once we get the new system" in my task report.

 

And I got an okay response from here, which I interpreted that she was on the same page.

 

She is out today, so her boss, came to get clarification on its status. I explained the crux of the problem--If I do what she asked, the system will break, and its not worth the trouble to fix it (ie if it aint broke don't fix it), and that I made the mistake of not getting clarification. He then showed me the email. It said something to the effect that she wanted her and him to provide a "united front" so that I dont "Go to Dad when I don't like what Mom says." And that I wouldn't be like a "2 year old who doesn't know if I'll be slapped or laughed at."

 

So that pissed me off.

 

All I did was decide that it would be better to combine 2 steps into 1.

 

And she missinterpreted it in 2 different ways: 1) I only wanted to do the fun stuff, and 2) If I disagree with her, I'll just run to her boss.

 

Neither of which is true, and neither of which I did.

 

As an aside, I'm making head way with the girl at work. So perhaps I should ask her out, then quit and show them how a real 2 year old acts like.

 

Again sorry if this is too abstract.

[LostInMyThoughts]

Ok... your boss' boss showed you the email? Was the email from *your* boss?

 

Yeah it was.

 

I guess I want to confront her, not to cause problems but to let her know if she feels like my behavior is out of line, talk to me about it.

 

I do things that are out of line sometimes, but never with bad intentions (for example I once used a quote from Billy Madison as a comment inside my code). And I got in trouble for that. No big deal.

 

But this isn't the first time that her misinterpretations of my actions has gotten me in trouble. She is very passive-aggressive about how she deals with her issues, and frankly it sucks. Its the only part I hate about my job, and when it happens, I honestly think about looking for a new job.

[LostInMyThoughts]

So another way to ask the question is

 

"What to do if your boss has a problem with your behavior and doesn't confront you about it?"

[Dako]

I'd look for a new job.

 

What's up with showing you an obviously insulting email? On top of that, it gives you a glimpse of the disrespectful management style you labor under. Maybe they're nudging you to the door so your boss will quit whining.

 

Sounds like a pain.

[NJRon]

Good question. The first thing you do is not mention the fact that your boss' boss showed you the letter. In doing so s/he is *not* shoing a united front. This is just all really messy.

 

You should go to your boss and ask her how she expects you to communicate issues like these to her the next time, just so there is no confusion. Listen carefully to what she says.

 

P.S. I'm not excusing her immaturity exhibited in the email, but you need to

[LostInMyThoughts]

I dont think they want me to quit, because they've both said that they're really glad I'm with the company.

 

I think my boss' self confidence problems are the issue here.

 

She honestly shouldn't be a manager (she's capable but lacks the conflict resolution skills), and if you call her one, she gets really irked, but if they were to try and put someone else in charge, she would not like it.

 

She does a lot of cool things, like lets us know how much she appreciates her work with us, and takes us out to the movies, makes sure we're taken care of, so its not that she is a shi**y person, or a glory hog or whatever. I just believe she (like all of us) have areas they need to work on. And there is no real avenue to provide constructive feedback.

 

I could go over her head and talk about my conerns with her boss, but thats not the right way. And going to her isn't necessarily the best bet either.

 

Basically I want to give her feedback that she needs to do a better job of going to the source, and checking out her interpretations instead of acting on them, and creating uncessary conflict.

[Tylin]

If it were me, I would try and get a copy of that email. And I would document any other unprofessional behavior on her part, even if you are looking for a new job. That way you are covered if she tries to cause any more trouble for you later on.

[CarnelianButterfly]

Did you ever think maybe she was expressing her opinion to her boss to seek guidance on how to deal with you?

[NJRon]

It's not your position to give your boss feedback on how to do her job correctly. You need to lose that attitude or you will have a lot of problems in the workplace.

 

Instead, figure out how you can best support your boss. Such as the case in point, seeking clarification on how you can better ensure that your boss is aware of all of the ramifications of a chnage request so she can make an informed decision.

 

I think it is important to discuss protocol with your boss. And then follow her lead.

[LostInMyThoughts]

It's not your position to give your boss feedback on how to do her job correctly. You need to lose that attitude or you will have a lot of problems in the workplace.

 

I think that feedback is important, but you're right its not my responsibility to tell her how to do her job correctly.

 

I guess my only real choice in the matter is to learn to deal with it. I can't make her change, and I can only control how I react. If it gets to be too much I will leave the company.

 

Then do the nasty with chick from work...

 

It's all so clear now.

[jurupa]

I think you guys missed something here. LostInMyThoughts said that her or her current boss could be the boss. What I think is happening is that LostInMyThoughts here is somewhat actting like a boss or is posing a threat to her boss's job and the boss is pissed off about it.

 

The reason I say this is that the boss pointed something out and made it a bigger deal than it should have been. She, the boss, then in reaction to the threat got her boss on her side so that the power is on her side and not on LostInMyThoughts side. LostInMyThoughts boss's boss showed her the e-mail which I would say that the higer boss is aware of the suitation at hand.

 

As far as what to do to handle the suitation, I would say to talk to your boss and work things out basically. Ask her what can be done to adovid this the next time, basically.